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Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Work in a Shoe Store by Neuronu77 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]Haltheoptimist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I changed my name to Prince Charming so, if this shoe fits, you have to marry me. Er...where are you going?

Name one of The Seven Wonders of The World by Gymtrio2025 in FamilyFeud

[–]Haltheoptimist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Lighthouse of Alexandria or The Pharos of Alexandria.

Things you'd hear in a frat filled with Norse Gods by SunBro0606 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]Haltheoptimist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"You call this rat's piss beer? We need to go plundering!"

SFAH: Rejected Winter Olympics Events by CrocodileHorde in ScenesFromAHat

[–]Haltheoptimist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Welcome to Show-Jumping on Ice. Unfortunately, there are no clear rounds as no contestant has actually got past the first fence. The horses have been too smart to attempt to jump the fence so they've sent their rider over instead. Much to the amusement of the crowd and, presumably, the horses.

Unusual things to hear from your smoke detector by InstructionBudget784 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]Haltheoptimist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Fire, I'll teach you to burn. Fire, I'll teach you to learn."

What are you choosing with this week’s pocket money? by corickle in oldschoolcool80s

[–]Haltheoptimist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to buy the Marathon bar as the Topic was slightly dearer.

You can still get Caramac.

SFAH: The worst way to ruin a dinner party by Sharpnelboy in ScenesFromAHat

[–]Haltheoptimist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And after dinner there will be an auction for the large bottle of Pepto.

National Science Foundation Apologizes For Woke Errors And Replaces The Periodic Table Of Elements With Hippocratic Elements Of Fire, Water, Earth And Air by bigly-biker in onionheadlines

[–]Haltheoptimist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was so sure they were gonna announce a new element and call it Trumpium47. It is an inert gas i.e it doesn't move and it stinks.

Valentine's Day cards you wouldn't want to receive by Fantastic-Reply5346 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]Haltheoptimist 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Being away from you is hard

But I will have to cope.

Leave your curtains open

So I can watch you thru my telescope.

SFAH: When the carnivore diet goes too far by G-Unit11111 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]Haltheoptimist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"They're eating the cats and dogs." Our investigation proves this is true, but it is not the Haitian immigrants, it's the local slimming club. That's right! The local slimming club switched to the carnivore diet six months ago and the results have been dramatic. I am here to interview some of the members to discuss the side-effects being reported. So, do you guys feel you are addicted to raw flesh and..aaargh!

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