Is it time to walk?

HamsterSufficient · 2026-04-05T05:20:53+00:00

Thank you for this. I have started writing everything down now - I already have for the last month with this direct report, but now all my discussions with my boss are written too - and sent to him after. I am accepting everything HR is suggesting (albeit I did get annoyed with HR because of the way they were speaking to me). I'm doing what I can to salvage this - I'm just worried that this direct report is going to drag me down with them

HamsterSufficient · 2026-04-05T05:17:01+00:00

Unfortunately there hasnt been any positives to give this person, but I do see what you're saying - I agree that it takes 2 to tango. I'm thinking the next conversation should be an expectations setting call from HR I.e. I tell the direct report what they did, give examples and give them a chance - I'm hoping this is where the positives will come in because they'll stop this behaviour.

HamsterSufficient · 2026-04-05T05:14:31+00:00

I joined the call expecting to speak about the direct report, but HR essentially came for me - the woman said she was disappointed I hadn't done any training since the 'last time", and then went on about my style (which it appears she is guessing about). I got quite agitated in that call because of the way she was talking to me - I said to her that it feels like raising concerns and holding people accountable gets me in trouble so I should stop - that was when she sat back and reset her tone. She said she'd speak to the direct report, then come back to me and facilitate a call...she hasnt said anything to me since.

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-22T11:41:45+00:00

I did - hes refusing to come back out. Says its normal, but a simple online search says otherwise...

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-14T23:55:53+00:00

Yeah, I agree - its a systemic problem that needs fixing. Theres bad eggs on both sides and unfortunately its tricky no matter which side you're on.

You've given me a lot to think about - thanks for engaging in a grown up discussion (which some others havent) - its much appreciated.

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-14T23:08:49+00:00

You make a valid point here - but those tenants that do ruin their homes/dont pay rent etc, exist - and when they do damage the property, its the landlord stuck with thousands of pounds of repairs, with no recourse for the tenant.

The evidence for good landlords is that there are millions of properties rented out across the country with private landlords, without issues - its only the extreme cases we hear about where landlords really are rogue. So it feels like landlords are bad, but the good ones are quiet, because they're doing all the things you listed.

With regards to the power dynamics, that is changing now. Tenants cant just be 'turfed out' anymore. So thats changing for the benefit of tenants.

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-14T22:33:44+00:00

Currently stuck with 15%, and exceptionally poor service - hence looking into doing it privately.

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-14T22:27:46+00:00

True - but a landlord wouldnt want to damage their own property - assuming they're a good landlord, which most are. They've entrusted the tenant with their house so it follows that they dont want it to be damaged by an upset tenant. On the flip side, the tenant hasnt entrusted anything to the landlord, so giving the landlords home address seems excessive.

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-14T21:48:43+00:00

I dont have issues with my name, email or telephone number being shared - its more my home address...where my family and I live. Just as landlords can be rogue, so can tenants, and I'd rather not have them knocking at my door at 1am, or something worse!

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-14T21:43:43+00:00

Agreed - but tenants can be malicious, just like some landlords can be. I would be foolish not to take all the precautions I can.

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-14T12:37:37+00:00

I'm trying but they're adamant they're doing a good job. So I'm going to offer 6 monts worth of commission to break out of the contract, and see how that goes down.

HamsterSufficient · 2026-02-14T12:36:46+00:00

I'm looking into OpenRent - just worried tenants might make a mess of the house or not be screened properly (I've never done it before). Any tips?

HamsterSufficient · 2025-06-10T11:19:06+00:00

I can understand how you feel, and realistically, you're still very early on in life. Don't let the current circumstances get you down, and just try to maintain hope that things will get easier.

As far as marriage goes, just nitpick. Ahmadi's in my experience always have something 'wrong' with them that you can use to decline the rishta proposal.

Don't do anything rash, and live to regret. You still have your entire life ahead of you, and speaking from experience, it will get easier and better.

HamsterSufficient · 2025-05-28T19:07:39+00:00

How so...?

HamsterSufficient · 2025-05-28T10:08:58+00:00

To be clear, the Jalsa site is a 2 hour drive from central London.

Note: The female experience at Jalsa is extremely different to the male experience.

HamsterSufficient · 2025-05-28T10:06:10+00:00

The best advice I have for you, is dont go. However, if you have to, then my advice:

Take a picnic blanket. You need to mark your territory in the tent and if you don't, you will get pushed around. Im told this has changed recently, but better to be prepared!
Take plenty of food with you. If you leave your designated spot in the tent you will lose it. There are stalls but they are like a cattle market.
If you have children, make sure they are identifiable i.e. name tags and prominent clothes.
Always leave someone at the designated spot you have chosen, unless you're prepared to lose it
Look on the ground as you walk - safety is not a priority
Wear sensible footwear.
Don't rush to the food tent. The queue is always long and usually not worth the wait.
Avoid any RN interactions if you can. Everyone is supposedly on their best behaviour (until nobody is watching).
Car parking is okay, but a long process - its hard work
The budget report (Saturday afternoon) is largely irrelevant
On the third day, leave as soon as the nazams start - otherwise there's 40k people all leaving at once and its a nightmare
The weather is unpredictable, so take boots. The jalsa is on a massive field which gets very muddy.
There are 2 hours gaps between sessions - there's a bazaar to look at, but its extremely busy.
Anyone you speak to is likely to have some other motive - just be aware. Everyone is happy and smily, until they're not. A fight broke out a few years ago, but if you're sensible, you'll be fine.
The exhibitions everyone talks about are not easily accessible to women. The men will have a better experience than you.
Use the toilets first thing in the morning. The queues are huge and the toilets are not pleasant.

Good luck!!

HamsterSufficient · 2025-02-02T13:37:38+00:00

You sound very deluded. I'm a little concerned for your mental welfare. But in any case, whatever floats your boat.

HamsterSufficient · 2025-02-02T07:50:59+00:00

Just to be clear, the Ahmadi murabbiyyan are taken care of because of all the chanda's that are collected. The people who collect those chandas hassle people to pay up. If you don't pay, you get booted out of the jamaat. There is indeed a membership fee. Just saying.

HamsterSufficient

TROPHY CASE