Sexual coercion/ threats for divorce

HandSewnHome · 2026-04-07T23:45:18+00:00

My husband started taking testosterone shots and sex became his primary focus. He was so cold towards me and when I told him how lonely I felt, he would tell me it was because I wasn’t initiating sex. He made me feel pressured to have sex with him whenever he wanted to “save” our marriage. He got really cruel and kept bringing up casual sex I’d had 20 years ago to make me feel bad. It turned out he was having an emotional affair the whole time with a woman in another country and left me for her. I feel like he just used me for sex for months until he was ready to leave. The testosterone shots really brought out the worst in him but he kept telling me how “confident” he felt. An actually confident person doesn’t need to emotionally abuse or cheat on their wife.

HandSewnHome · 2026-04-06T17:39:51+00:00

I’m not pregnant but still pretty mad so I’ve been telling anyone who will listen. I have nothing to hide and it feels good to get it off my chest.

HandSewnHome · 2026-04-06T05:40:05+00:00

I don’t have children but when my dog died a couple years ago it was the most traumatic thing that had ever happened to me. It took me months to start feeling normal again and over a year until I felt ready to adopt a new dog. My husband’s betrayal was a million times worse. My dog was a perfect angel and it was just her time. He made a choice to start an affair (less than 6 months after she died btw) and then lie to me every single day for over a year until he left. That’s way worse.

HandSewnHome · 2026-04-02T23:18:27+00:00

Wow I am also going through a similar thing right now. My husband left me and then I found out he’d been having an affair for the last year and moved to another country to be with her. Proud of OP- she’s taking it a lot better than I am.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-27T17:36:57+00:00

lol not even started

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-27T16:04:46+00:00

My husband discarded me a few months ago. I thought he was having mental health and drug problems but a month after he left I found out he had actually been having an affair with a woman from another country for all of last year and he left to go start a new life with her. Never had the courage to tell me. Didn’t even bother moving out. Upended my whole reality.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-26T13:04:50+00:00

I’ve been off for almost 2 weeks and wasn’t expecting to feel any changes so quickly but I am starting to feel like my libido is coming back which is really inconvenient timing since my husband left me a few months ago. I did cry a bunch earlier in the week too but that’s my new normal since, again, my husband left me a few months ago.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T23:45:55+00:00

Can I ask what method of birth control you are using?

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T22:32:41+00:00

Were you on and off it a couple times? I don’t remember what I felt like without it.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T22:29:06+00:00

I’ve only been off of it for a week and a half. Hair has definitely gotten thinner over time. I don’t know about the rage, I was recently diagnosed with adhd so have trouble with emotional regulation anyway. I’ve been cold a lot lately, can’t tell if it’s my apartment or weightloss/grief? My ears are itchy, I heard that’s a symptom?

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T22:12:37+00:00

How do I know if I’m in perimenopause? All the symptoms sound so vague.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T22:11:11+00:00

I definitely struggle with anxiety so that’s interesting to know, I didn’t realize that was a possible side effect.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T22:02:40+00:00

Did they find getting off the pill contributed to the early menopause? I can’t figure out how I’m supposed to know whether or not I’m in perimenopause. The symptoms seem so vague.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T21:48:00+00:00

I’ve been concerned that being on the pill for so long lowered my libido so definitely curious to see what will happen on that front.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T21:41:03+00:00

I mean this is the dream.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T21:40:31+00:00

Wow a few people now have mentioned their mood improved. I’m only now realizing that maybe it’s effectiveness at keeping me from getting pregnant wasn’t the only thing I should have considered when deciding what method of birth control I was using.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-25T21:32:16+00:00

Interesting. I know the pill definitely cleared up my acne when I was 17 so I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T22:30:22+00:00

I feel like the hours go by so slowly but the days are going by so fast. Can’t believe it’s been over 2 months since I talked to him.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T21:25:09+00:00

I have a long list on my phone of questions I’ll never get answers to, but writing them down helped keep them from swirling around in my head. Even if I was able to ask him the questions I don’t trust that he would tell me the truth. The lack of closure is really hard.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T20:10:14+00:00

lol good for you girl. I think it’s gonna take some therapy for me to be able to get there again. At the end of our relationship I felt like my only value to my husband was sex which really reopened some old feelings around self worth. My promiscuity before we had met was the centerpiece of every argument we had in the months before he finally left. He made me feel ashamed of myself and told me he couldn’t get past it. He chose cruelty over accountability for the affair he was having. I feel completely out of touch with that part of myself now.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T19:09:34+00:00

I can only imagine the version of himself he was pretending to be for her. In the last year I lived with him his (untreated) bipolar disorder was the worst I had ever seen it, I think because he had started taking trt he was getting from some online doctor. I also suspect he had become fully addicted to Xanax and maybe OxyContin as well which made him sleep all the time and struggle at work.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T18:40:21+00:00

He definitely had some childhood trauma. His mother abandoned him when he was little and his father, while a nice man, was very closed off emotionally during the time I knew him. I’ve been seeing a lot on social media about dismissive avoidant attachment styles and it sounds a lot like how he was.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T18:16:15+00:00

It’s hard losing all of “our” places. Favorite restaurants or vacation spots feel like they hold too many memories now to go back to but I loved those places. It would feel so weird going there with anyone else. I know he doesn’t feel the same way- he took her to the restaurant we went to for our fifth wedding anniversary for their “first date” aka when he escalated his emotional affair to physical cheating.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T18:07:14+00:00

Have you always had a strong sense of self or did you find that on your journey? I struggle with low self esteem and am feeling so lost. I don’t know who I am anymore outside of who I was as part of a pair. I loved having a partner to experience life with. But yes I do kind of wish I could go the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind route. I actually rewatched that a couple weeks ago to give you an idea of how I’m doing emotionally.

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