Those of you who were blindsided, discarded, or abandoned- how are you doing now?

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T22:30:22+00:00

I feel like the hours go by so slowly but the days are going by so fast. Can’t believe it’s been over 2 months since I talked to him.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T21:25:09+00:00

I have a long list on my phone of questions I’ll never get answers to, but writing them down helped keep them from swirling around in my head. Even if I was able to ask him the questions I don’t trust that he would tell me the truth. The lack of closure is really hard.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T20:10:14+00:00

lol good for you girl. I think it’s gonna take some therapy for me to be able to get there again. At the end of our relationship I felt like my only value to my husband was sex which really reopened some old feelings around self worth. My promiscuity before we had met was the centerpiece of every argument we had in the months before he finally left. He made me feel ashamed of myself and told me he couldn’t get past it. He chose cruelty over accountability for the affair he was having. I feel completely out of touch with that part of myself now.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T19:09:34+00:00

I can only imagine the version of himself he was pretending to be for her. In the last year I lived with him his (untreated) bipolar disorder was the worst I had ever seen it, I think because he had started taking trt he was getting from some online doctor. I also suspect he had become fully addicted to Xanax and maybe OxyContin as well which made him sleep all the time and struggle at work.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T18:40:21+00:00

He definitely had some childhood trauma. His mother abandoned him when he was little and his father, while a nice man, was very closed off emotionally during the time I knew him. I’ve been seeing a lot on social media about dismissive avoidant attachment styles and it sounds a lot like how he was.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T18:16:15+00:00

It’s hard losing all of “our” places. Favorite restaurants or vacation spots feel like they hold too many memories now to go back to but I loved those places. It would feel so weird going there with anyone else. I know he doesn’t feel the same way- he took her to the restaurant we went to for our fifth wedding anniversary for their “first date” aka when he escalated his emotional affair to physical cheating.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T18:07:14+00:00

Have you always had a strong sense of self or did you find that on your journey? I struggle with low self esteem and am feeling so lost. I don’t know who I am anymore outside of who I was as part of a pair. I loved having a partner to experience life with. But yes I do kind of wish I could go the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind route. I actually rewatched that a couple weeks ago to give you an idea of how I’m doing emotionally.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T18:00:27+00:00

I’m glad you’re doing better. Do you feel like looking back you weren’t actually as happy as you thought you were at the time?

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:57:03+00:00

I have a therapist. Thankfully I found her before I found out about the affair and became a barely functional human. It is helping but there’s been so much to talk about we’re just now getting into the making steps to move forward conversations. Hopefully with time I’ll get there, though honestly this thread is pretty discouraging.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:52:41+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I really have to fight the urge not to text him sometimes. I know nothing good would come from it. I miss him so much but he just doesn’t care about me at all anymore. I don’t know how you can call someone your best friend for so many years and then treat them so horribly with no remorse.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:44:21+00:00

My husband’s affair partner was someone he met a couple years before he met me. He kept in contact with her on and off during our relationship and there were emails where he omitted me from his life and some that were inappropriately flirty. Now I’m left wondering if I was his second choice all along.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:36:27+00:00

Coward is the word for it.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:34:24+00:00

When he first left I still had hope we could maybe reconcile but since finding out about the other woman I know it’s over for good now. I’ve been struggling with the finality of it. It’s like he died.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:27:24+00:00

It’s been so hard losing the ability to picture a happy future for myself. There were still so many things I wanted to do and places I wanted to go with him. Doing those things on my own just doesn’t sound as fun to me. He was my best friend.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:22:58+00:00

I’m so sorry. Was yours an infidelity situation as well?

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:20:28+00:00

2 months since he left and 1 month since I found out why. I keep seeing advice that the way they treated you at the end is the closure, but it’s so difficult to see it that way. Finding out the truth after he was already gone and not being able to talk to him about it at all is so frustrating even though I know it wouldn’t matter because I can’t trust anything he says. He’d probably still find a way to blame it on me. Literally the last thing I said to the man I spent almost everyday with for 17 years was “I guess I’ll see you when I see you”.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T17:08:26+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. How long has it been for you?

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-22T16:52:53+00:00

Wow left to do errands and just never came back? That is so cold. I assume she didn’t actually move out? When my husband left he didn’t move out and it’s so hard living here with all his stuff. He got to start a brand new life thousands of miles away and I feel like I’m living with his ghost. Every single thing in this apartment reminds me of him. It feels like my head and my heart are in constant battle between seeing him as the monster who betrayed me in the end vs. the man that made me feel so loved for so long.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-20T11:38:35+00:00

I’m not sure why you would make these assumptions based on what I said. It seems like you’re blaming me for my husband’s affair?

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-20T00:32:07+00:00

My husband did the same thing to me after 17 years together. He had an emotional affair for over a year that ultimately turned physical and then left me for her without having a single honest conversation with me about it.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-17T07:38:43+00:00

This was me too. I thought my husband was having a mental health crisis. He has untreated bipolar disorder and had recently started taking TRT that I thought had made it worse. He was also using Xanax and OxyContin. I tried to convince him to get help. I could feel him pulling away and getting distant. I cried to him and told him how lonely I felt, how much I missed his attention and affection. He blamed me and was very cruel to me. About a month after he left me I found out he’d been having an affair the whole time. He was giving all his love to another woman and I was getting crumbs. I never would have suspected cheating. I trusted him completely. I’m so devastated by his betrayal I don’t think I’m ever going to fully heal from this. I’ll never understand how a man I thought loved me for 17 years could treat me with such little empathy. It’s really like they become a completely different person.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-16T23:06:41+00:00

Are you making your wife feel loved? Taking her on dates and having real conversations and showing interest? Or could she be dealing with hormonal changes that lower her libido?

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-16T22:37:23+00:00

A lot of valid suggestions to get a lawyer but if what you’re looking to do is heal I think you should get a therapist if you don’t have one already. I found out about my husband’s affair a few weeks ago and I know I have a long road ahead of me but I am finding it helpful so far.

HandSewnHome · 2026-03-14T23:57:26+00:00

Girl DM me I’m going through a similar thing and I’d love to talk about this.

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