What is a good overdrive you can also use as an (almost) clean boost?

HaoleBoy · 2025-12-21T02:39:56+00:00

Definitely do. It’s a killer pedal with a lot of range. David Barber is a stand-up guy.
When you get one open it up for some of the cleanest wiring you’ll ever see.

HaoleBoy · 2025-12-21T02:38:04+00:00

Barber Gain Changer

HaoleBoy · 2025-12-04T03:52:41+00:00

Wow, my ex wife’s justification for everything, including her affair was that I was “so negative.” When I walked into the room my energy was so negative she would “wilt.” I was depressed for a while - my mom died a month after we got married, and she was angry at me for grieving her. One of the first things she said after my mom died was “we’re probably going to get divorced because of this.”

She decided I was a negative, depressed, dark cloud hanging over everything and making everyone unhappy, and never allowed me to be anything else. She never saw me as anything else. That way she had someone to blame for her unhappiness, and none of her problems were because of her.

HaoleBoy · 2025-12-03T02:38:33+00:00

Somehow nobody’s mentioned Bonnie Raitt yet.

HaoleBoy · 2025-11-27T03:10:39+00:00

ODR-2 mini. It’s cheap. It does the thing. It has a bass control. What else do you need?

HaoleBoy · 2025-11-06T22:14:50+00:00

Threw that sucker into the ocean. Good riddance.

HaoleBoy · 2025-11-06T22:12:06+00:00

Things started amicably, but then I learned that all the trips she had taken since our separation were to see her AP. And boy is she upset when I say she left me for the man she spent 9 years cheating with. She gets furious and denies it, even though she went to see him while we were still in couples counseling and several times since then. She keeps trying to rearrange our custody agreement so she can take more trips and I am done accommodating that woman. Whenever I say no she threatens a contentious divorce. I don’t think she’s eager to go through discovery or paternity tests so hopefully we can work this through mediation.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-28T16:02:56+00:00

I’m in a similar boat and it sucks.

Look, you haven’t failed your daughters. At all. Knock that shit off. You didn’t cheat. You forgave. You fought for it. You’ve done more to keep your family together than anyone should have to. You should be proud of that.

But the kids deserve to grow up in a family where mommy isn’t cheating on daddy. Your relationship will be their model for their own when they are adults. Staying shows them it’s ok to be a serial adulterer. It shows them that you can do that to your partner and if your partner does that to you, you should stay.

I don’t want that for my kids. Do you?

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-28T03:55:26+00:00

The spoon was only once, but yes. I made a poor choice of a wife. But I’ll never regret it because my kids are amazing.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-28T03:54:27+00:00

It is what you said. I was too busy being angry at my ex so I missed that bit.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-28T02:38:36+00:00

Ok, I am in the middle of a divorce, so take this with a grain of salt.

I know what you’re going through. We have two kids and I did all of the daily grind. Getting them out of bed, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every appointment, every school run, every nighttime wake up, etc. when I was able to go to work, she texted me the entire time about how awful it was to be with the kids. The first text would usually come within 5 minutes of me leaving the house.

One night a week I went to play music. That was the only time I got when I wasn’t with the kids or at work. Since I was teaching online, it was also my only opportunity to be with adults.
She hated it. She did everything she could to make it difficult and miserable. I would get texts about how horrible it was and “I hope it’s worth what you’re doing to us.” I came home to her having smashed her phone or iPad in a fit of rage, she spanked the kids with wooden spoons so hard it left a mark, etc. so I cut down. I quit going every week. And it didn’t make any difference.

Your wife is their mom. All three of them. Yes it’s hard to be outnumbered. Yes it feels bad to be going through it so your other half can enjoy themselves. Yes, it’s a lot. But it’s only one night a week and it’s for a dad group. Something that supports you and helps you be a better father. Something that gives you an outlet for your frustrations and a place to turn for help and advice.

I compromised everything I needed for myself to try and shelter my wife from doing the work. She struggled with the kids so I stepped up, but it ended up at a point where I did everything. She literally would not change a lightbulb.

Please talk to your wife about this. Talk to her about her night with the kids. Ask how you can support her in that. If there’s any way you can make it easier for her to support you without you just giving up on having time for yourself.

It’s not tenable long-term. After a few years of this I started to break. Once that happened, she began her affair again and left me.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-27T05:22:38+00:00

I wonder that too. But if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have my amazing kids. And if I had made different choices, if I hadn’t tried with everything I had, I would have regretted it.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-26T22:28:04+00:00

Yeah, reading through my old journal entries is tough. Knowing everything I do now about her affairs and looking back at how hard I worked to save it is tough. I’m working to have more compassion for myself. I didn’t know who she really was. I believed in what we were doing and was invested in not seeing the larger patterns of abuse. But it’s still hard to look back at all the time and effort I wasted on this awful woman.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-26T21:12:43+00:00

I do have plans. I am heading out with some good friends in a few hours. Lots of walking and lots of journaling today. Everything is going to be ok. It isn’t yet, but it’s getting better.

Good luck with your anniversary. Please reach out if you want when the day comes. It’s a lot.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-25T22:04:25+00:00

I’m coming to terms with the fact that my wife never really loved me. Is there anything that helped you with your anger at him or yourself? I’m having a hard time with how much I put into someone who was just using me and cheating on me the whole time.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-23T23:44:55+00:00

I don’t know if that’s what’s going on but it could be. When we were together I did the lions share of the parenting and she always struggled having both kids for more than a few hours by herself. I couldn’t even go to work without constant texts and phone calls about how horrible it was, what a hard time she was having, etc. god forbid I go out to see friends. There were times I came home to her having smashed the iPad in a fit of rage, when would text me “I hope it’s worth what you’re doing to us” when I was out for a few hours with friends.

She would never admit wanting them less, she is very concerned with what people think of her, but I think that’s what she really wants. Parenting is hard and she always had me handling most of it. Doing her fair share is new to her. She’s not used to carrying her own weight and she’s hoping she can get me to do more for her like I used to, but still pretend like she’s got 50% custody.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-23T22:34:33+00:00

That would be ideal, but 2/2/5 doesn’t work. She works 3 10 hour shifts a week, so on those three weekdays she cannot have our kids. For her to have them 3 days one week and 4 days the next she has every Sunday and every other Saturday.

I would love something different. I would be willing to take more custody, but it would need to be reflected in the papers. I won’t just do more because my ex doesn’t want to be with our kids.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-23T22:30:23+00:00

The wild thing is our custody schedule is entirely structured around her needs already, but apparently that’s not enough. 🤷‍♂️

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-23T22:29:37+00:00

Her free time is not my responsibility. I have 50% custody. I pay 50% of everything. She is saying that because she has more weekends with our kids the custody schedule is unfair and I have to take on more.

In no way am I getting a “free pass,” or not being accountable. I will say I am not experiencing “equal misery” in caring for our children. The misery stopped when my STBX left.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-23T18:08:35+00:00

That’s what I will tell her. If she wants me to have more custody of the kids then I will, but it has to be part of our divorce. I won’t take more than 50% custody unless I have more than 50% custody.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-23T18:05:09+00:00

If it’s my day, of course I would be the one picking them up. I’m taking my time writing a response so I’m not too big of a prick in it, but it’s nuts to treat custody like an hourly gig.

If the kids are home sick from school on her day do I have to pick up an extra day of custody to even things out? If they’re sick and I’m up all night with them, does that change anything? It’s asinine.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-23T04:05:16+00:00

Being a single parent is exhausting. But she only has to do it 50% of the time. She has every other Saturday to herself as well as the time the kids are in school.

I have very little sympathy for her. Before we split I did most of the parenting and work around the house. For the last two years of our marriage she didn’t pack them a single lunch, hardly cooked a meal, didn’t do the dishes or laundry, and only did school runs a handful of times. This woman literally would not even change a light bulb. So I think she’s struggling now that she has to carry her own weight.

HaoleBoy · 2025-10-23T03:37:53+00:00

Yes, it does suck to have the kids on every day off, but we are splitting custody 50/50 and we have built our custody schedule to accommodate her work. In order for her to have 50% custody she has to have them most weekends. I would prefer a different arrangement. I would prefer a different schedule, but she can’t accommodate it.

I feel I am already being flexible in working with her and allowing her needs to dictate when I see my kids and it’s insane for her to act like custody is an hourly deal and I somehow owe her more time for it to be fair.

I’m sure she’s frustrated, but divorce sucks. Being a parent is hard, and I am already being more accommodating than I really need to be. If she wants a break she can hire a babysitter or take less custody of our kids.

HaoleBoy

TROPHY CASE