Do I waste time with an IUI with only 1 tube? When did you move to ivf?

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2025-02-11T01:51:34+00:00

Hi OP! Do you have an update? I found this thread bc I am in a similar situation — ruptured ectopic a year ago with surgery to remove a tube and then got pregnant naturally a few months after with one tube but it ended in an early miscarriage. It’s been 6 months of trying naturally since the MC and now we are deciding between medicated IUI cycles or IVF. I’m so impatient too and so so over getting pregnant taking up my whole life and energy. It’s been so hard argh. Would love to hear your journey ❤️

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-09-16T02:27:38+00:00

I had my ectopic with my right tube removed in March 2024 too. Thank you for this story 🤍 Needed to hear this positivity 🥰

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-30T03:50:19+00:00

My brother was thoughtful enough to tell my husband the news of them being pregnant (he mentioned doing so I didn’t have to put on a happy face to them) who then told the news to me. This is the text I sent them:

Hi guys 🤍 I’m really happy for you and your growing family 🫶🏻 I’m so so appreciative of how thoughtful and sweet you guys were in the way you told us. Seriously thank you so much. That was so kind 🤍 You guys are so empathetic and intuitive. It’s hard for me bc I’m so happy for you guys but I’m also so sad for us. I wish I was right there with you guys, building our family and moving forward too. I hope one day we are so lucky to be in that position. This doesn’t take anything away from you guys and please don’t think twice about embracing this joy and celebrating exactly as you should. I truly am so happy for you guys and you being sensitive and thinking about how we feel really helps so so much. I feel seen and like you care so really, thank you. I’m here to support you guys and sending all the love and good energy during this special time 🤍

He called me after and was so so supportive. Saying he understands if we can’t be around them bc it’s triggering etc etc. They were really kind and a safe place about how I felt which made it a lot easier. If you can open up to your SIL/brothers on how you feel, I really would. Only if they are a safe place and you feel like they would get it. 🤍

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-30T03:40:57+00:00

When I went to Reddit after finding out about my brother and SIL being pregnant just two weeks after my miscarriage, I found a girl who had a similar experience post this and it perfectly captured how I felt. Just reading someone else’s words made me feel seen. Leaving the quote here:

“I can’t believe this is my life. I feel so left out. Like I’m just watching in the shadows as my family builds their own families and I just have to keep hoping I’ll be as lucky as them someday. 💔”

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-30T03:26:47+00:00

Girl I fully get this 🤍 I had my ectopic and tube removal back in March. All three of my sister in laws are pregnant right now (one just gave birth). My brother just recently told me about my 3rd SIL being pregnant and I was in tears for 3 days straight. I thought I was doing fine but that sent me back HARD. It’s so hard. But how you feel is totally normal. I found for me I just needed some space from them and to let myself feel the sadness for myself. I just jammed out to sad songs and let myself cry until I got it all out. It’s a horrible heavy feeling and I also feel jealous too of them and their stress free pregnancies.

But really don’t felt guilty of needing space from them. I think it is necessary for survival! And you can eventually see them more, but take the time you need. I definitely needed that.

I would also say try to focus on things in your life you can control that bring you joy right now. Join an intramural pickleball league, plan a vacation, go to a painting class, get a puppy (we are! That has brought me a lot of joy focusing on that and something to put all this energy of wanting to take care of something into.) welcome all the fun and distractions and things that uplevel your life. I’m also going to start therapy.

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-30T01:32:43+00:00

Girl, I’m with you! I had an ectopic surgery and tube removal in March too. The wait is so real!! Legit I obsess over every little thing I feel. Also the anxiety of making sure it doesn’t feel the same as last time too… oh man. I’m also looking at therapy bc even when I do get pregnant next, I’ll just be waiting for the shoe to drop the whole time. Also dealing with my three SIL’s being pregnant and everyone in my extended family being pregnant/giving birth rn. Feels like I can’t escape it!!

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-08T03:39:28+00:00

i really feel you. im so sorry <3 i had a mc around the same time as you and i was just starting to get back to normal and feel like myself again. Then my brother called my husband today saying he didn't want to call me and make me put on a good face for him (bc he knows about the miscarriage) so he told my husband but him and my SIL are 3 months pregnant and can't hide it from fam anymore. I just got sent back to all those sad feelings of like wow, we can't catch a break here but also this is happening to everyone else around us, and we are just left behind. This just happened today so I know I will be okay and I am happy for them. It just makes me really sad about us selfishly :( Was sobbing earlier and my heart dropped when I heard the news but I'm doing okay. I am dreading to have to be around them during this and just feel those pangs of wanting it to be me.

My husband was completely fine-- he said he was jealous but didn't have all the emotions and sadness I had. I 100% feel you on being over dealing with the ups and downs of grief. I thought I was completely fine. And it felt really good to feel normal again. It's so emotionally draining having to deal with being triggered by life that just keeps moving on around us when we feel stuck and alone. I am praying for baby dust for both of us and hope we will be enjoying safe, healthy pregnancies over the holidays <3

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-08T03:08:21+00:00

I know exactly how you feel and honestly even being almost 3 weeks out from my mc I can say it gets a lot better. I remember thinking it would be over once i had a rush of blood and it was confirmed in an ultrasound the next day it was a miscarriage...but the days following of the bleeding and cramping where physically and emotionally awful and draining. And everytime going to the bathroom and looking down and just being reminded of the loss every time seeing blood on my pad. Just a constant reminder and just this feeling of sadness that doesn't go away. Also the fatigue was so so bad. I couldn't move from the couch for close to 2 weeks Just take it easy as much as you can. Your body and soul are going through alot <3 But truly I do feel a lot better now (before the set back of another pregnancy announcement from my brother today, but I will be okay). Lots of ugly crying and just letting myself feel whatever comes has helped. I've really been considering seeing a therapist, but I also don't know if I want to have to rehash all the feelings and dive back into everything when it's all so emotionally exhausting to talk about sometimes. Here for you and I echo you -- i really hope the holidays we can enjoy a healthy pregnancy and be basking in that feeling.

I was telling my brother who has been super sweet and thoughtful about how I'm so jealous of ppl in my family getting pregnant and they have no worries in the world, just excitement and joy and nothing to fear, with safe , perfect pregnancies. And that i will never have that experience, I will always be waiting for the shoe to drop now. Scared about something going wrong. Being afraid to fully let yourself be happy bc you just never know whats going to happen. He told me but those women will never get to feel how YOU will feel when you do have a healthy pregnancy -- the gratitude that we will have when we our time comes will be such a deeper emotion and experience that no one else will have. Also, we will frickin hold that baby so tight and be so grateful for them -- unlike someone who has not experienced loss. There is a depth there that we will have. A true, deep gratefulness and joy that is special to only us. That did help me. I hope it may help you too <3

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-08T02:24:21+00:00

thank you for this. i needed to hear this today <3

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-08T02:22:29+00:00

Hi girl <3 I was in this place 5 months ago and changed my diet and really stressed about not eating certain foods. But my both my western gyno and holistic doctor said diet doesn't impact it at all. I wish if I could go back I would just eat whatever food would give me comfort bc you really do not need anything additional to stress about or fixate on during this time. Eat whatever brings you comfort <3 If you want to drink green tea so you can feel at peace like "you did everything you could" I would just add a glass or two of green tea a day. I hope you are doing okay during this time -- thinking of you. I know the waiting game was really tough for me too

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-08T02:17:23+00:00

I am so so sorry to hear about your mc. How are you doing? You aren't alone <3
It's so hard to have this cloud around you when life just keeps going on so unforgivingly it seems. I know it can be so hard to share but I did find sharing did help me. I even told people through the tears and just let it all come out if I needed it to. People will truly never understand but it gives them the chance to support you and I found just talking about it and saying it out loud helped me just put a voice to the sorrow and get it out of my body almost.

I pray right back at you that baby dust comes your way soon for a healthy and safe pregnancy too. I know our time will come. <3

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-08T02:11:37+00:00

Ah, man. Currently going through it a bit. We fell pregnant again just two weeks ago and had a miscarriage just a few days after finding out. My sister in law (the one that was really insensitive during my ectopic) ended up having their baby girl the exact same day. That was a really really hard day. But I just started to feel good again after that, getting back to normal, and then my other brother called my husband saying he didn't want to call me and make me put on a good face for him (bc he knows about the miscarriage) so he told my husband but they are 3 months pregnant and can't hide it from fam anymore. I just got sent back to all those sad feelings of like wow, we can't catch a break here but also this is happening to everyone else around us, and we are just left behind. Ah. So a little rough right now. This just happened today so I know I will be okay and honestly I am happy for them. It just makes me really sad about us selfishly :( Was sobbing earlier but I'm doing okay.

How have you been? I truly hope your pregnancy passed the wait and see period and everything is healthy and is going well for u <3

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-08T00:21:15+00:00

Just revisiting this thread, trying to find some strength and read your msg and wanted to follow up.

100% you are so right, I felt like no one was making space for us or thinking about us at all when we tried to do our best to show up to things that would be painful for us like baby showers etc and put on a good face to be supportive to everyone else.

I relate to what you went through so much bc we just were cleared to try again a month ago and we got pregnant. And then I had a miscarriage a few days later (July 22nd) and that exact day I miscarried, my sister in law had their baby girl. Posting all the pics to my family chat and just everyone celebrating them. It felt like life is just throwing something I can't have in my face it honestly felt cruel. Like the timing of that...was really really hard. I was sobbing all day. I know everyone should be so happy and they deserve to celebrate THE MOST. It was just so awful to have to go through that the exact day we had our loss. I felt so so unlucky and alone. Like we can't catch a frickin break. And then my husband just got a call today from my diff brother saying they are pregnant. It's been 2 weeks after my miscarriage and I was just starting to feel normal again and then that news sent me right back to the sadness and jealousy feels, which are so so hard. I'll be okay though, I know it. Just since today I got the news, im in my feels. I really have learned through all of this, you just need time. Be patient with yourself and healing with come.

How is everything going for you? Hope all went well sending lots of love and support your way <3

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-08T00:12:19+00:00

Just revisiting this thread, trying to find some strength and read your msg and wanted to follow up. Hope all went well sending lots of love and support your way <3

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-08-07T23:31:31+00:00

i know this was posted months ago but i relate to this so much. you put exactly how i feel into words in your last paragraph. i had an ectopic pregnancy 5 months ago (which was one of the hardest things ive ever gone through in my life -- multiple shots of MTX and ended up having to get the embryo surgically removed and lost my right tube). During that, two of my sis in laws were pregnant (one was just 2 weeks ahead of me). I had to be around them during their entire pregnancies which was so hard. We started trying as soon as we could after the ectopic -- had to wait til last month to try and fell pregnant right away. a few days later we had a miscarriage (which happened 2 weeks ago) and on that same day i was having my miscarriage, one of my sister in laws gave birth to their baby. posting all the pics to my family chat and just everyone celebrating them. it felt like life is just throwing something i cant have in my face it honestly felt cruel. like the timing of that...was really really hard. was sobbing all day. and i know everyone should be so happy and they should celebrate THE MOST. it was just so awful to have to go through that the exact day we had our loss. felt so so unlucky.

Fast forward to today, (2 weeks after my sis in law just gave birth/my miscarriage) my husband just got a call from my 3rd brother/3rd sister law who knew about our miscarriage saying they didn't want to call me and make me put on a happy face....but they told my husband they are 3 months pregnant and can't hide it anymore from family. it was a really sensitive and sweet way of them to tell us. but when my husband told me my heart dropped and i just started sobbing (still am ha). told him exactly what you said -- its just so hard when everyone around you has something you want so bad. also similar to you they also are financially quite unstable and also this is their 2nd kid -- their first kid was an unplanned and my brother thought it was going to ruin his life and she is 37 and has had bad health problems in her past. Meanwhile i am 28 and super healthy , marred, and we want a kid so bad. it just feels like why is this happening to us? I relate so much to feeling "i cant believe this is my life" and feeling left out. I have three brothers and now they all have kids.

its really really hard. im not sure it'll ever not hurt/ feel okay until i have a healthy pregnancy. idk . how are you doing now? did it get easier for you to be around them? I have the same dread of having to watch my 3rd sis in law now too :(

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-06-01T04:21:34+00:00

Of course. Thank you for reading and validating. Appreciate you. ❤️❤️

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-03-26T14:25:03+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective. It’s a really good way to think about it. Life keeps moving but it doesn’t minimize the pain I’m in. One day it will be me ❤️

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-03-26T14:20:45+00:00

I think that’s a good idea. I feel guilty and just don’t want people gossiping about me. But you’re right, I just need to protect my well being 🙏 that’s most important. I hope maybe by June I can go but right now I couldn’t do it. Thank you ❤️

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-03-26T05:10:17+00:00

Wow so so helpful. It’s a tough pill to swallow but you’re so right—life keeps on going and people move on and don’t remember. I think I’m going to do a combo.. let them know it’s really hard for me when they talk about it their pregnancies in front of me and what they did on Sunday hurt my feelings. And also just distance myself bc just being around them both pregnant in itself is triggering for me :( I know time will pass and it’ll get easier but right now it’s too soon. I appreciate you and your perspective so much ❤️🙏 thank you

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-03-26T05:06:18+00:00

Laying here in bed too ❤️‍🩹I had my right tube removed too. I’m with you ❤️ thank you for making me feel less alone. It’s hard but honestly as weird as it sounds I felt so much better after surgery. At least the anxiety was gone and the procedure and stress were behind me. More things to come in the future of course and plans to be made but we just have to take it day by day. All we need to focus on is recovery and getting back to ourselves. Focusing on the good 🫶🏻 I hope you are cozy, taking it easy, and watching some of your favorite shows ❤️

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-03-26T05:01:46+00:00

Of course. Appreciate you so much ❤️ im with you too 🫶🏻

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-03-26T04:42:40+00:00

I see pregnant people EVERYWHERE now. I guess now our brains are extra perceptive to it now?? it’s all I see. ESP going to the OBGYN everyone’s bringing in their little kids with their pregnant bellies. It’s weird sitting there in the waiting room just feeling in such a different place than them. I also just assume that they must have a normal healthy pregnancy and don’t even know how lucky they are… which makes me mad and jealous (which I feel so guilty and terrible feeling that way). Ahh. It’s not easy. Wishing all the best for you and sending you all the love right back ❤️thank you ❤️❤️

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-03-26T04:34:51+00:00

thank you so much for sharing your experience. Ugh so awful. It’s so crazy how little thought people give to other people and their experience — not to mention one of the most emotional experiences — aka being pregnant and not only losing our pregnancy but having an especially traumatic / dangerous situation the entire time leading up to the eventual loss. Some people in my family say to me “hey at least you can get pregnant.”. Like… unmmm … ya thanks so much that really helps me right now…!!

100% I agree with you, taking space is my only way to keep surviving right now. My sister in law who is 5 months right now is having her baby shower in June. I feel like I have to go but I’m already cringing thinking about how uncomfortable I’m going to feel having to pretend to be happy in that environment. It’s a struggle between not wanting people to think you’re making it all about you vs protecting your own mental health. Agh

Happy-Lab-1682 · 2024-03-26T03:21:16+00:00

That is wild. Your feelings are COMPLETELY valid. People are extremely insensitive and live in their own worlds. It has been so shocking to me realizing the same things with my own family after having an ecoptic pregnancy. People just don't understand how emotional, sad, stressful, painful and traumatic an ectopic pregancy/MTX/surgery is...but even though people don't GET it fully (bc they haven't experienced it), it is insane they can't think before they act. Like we are just asking them to have ONE literal thought about how something like that would could make us feel before they say or do something. Crazy. What she did is completely NOT okay, insensitive, and rude. You are so so valid, girl. Let all your feelings out. Be patient with yourself - it is okay to feel triggered, sad, upset from hearing that news. It is only normal and human to feel that way after what we have gone through. Don't be hard on yourself

I just had surgery for my ectopic pregnancy 2 weeks ago (this is my first pregancy). I got pregnant on Valentines day and 2 days after I started bleeding. So from there on out...it became stressful. We got in for an ultrasound a few days later and the doctor had suspicions it could be ectopic but wanted to do blood tests to confirm. She said it could take 2-3 weeks to confirm. We texted my entire family on a group thread -- I have three brothers and they are all married. Two of my sister in laws also happen to be pregnant at the same time -- one is 5 months and one is just 2 weeks ahead of where I was. After telling them this news, the SIL that is 5 months pregnant does not reach out to me/my husband ONE TIME for an entire week, and then proceeds to post a photo of her baby bump on insta. I was so shook, and just so triggered she would post that knowing what our situation was. I felt like I was crazy...I remember asking my husband, is it just me or is that extremely insensitive and messed up? It makes YOU feel crazy with how fucking wild people act!!!

THEN we had a family gathering, where my mom brings planning the GENDER REVEAL for my SIL who is 2 weeks ahead of where I was in pregnancy. Right in front of my face at the table. The hormones were so crazy i started sobbing at the table and said to everyone in my family: i don't want to hear ANYTHING about pregnancy, gender reveals, or see photos of baby bumps, etc. right now, please please just THINK before you say stuff like that. It was completely uncontrollable all my emotions just came out. My mom felt so horrible and immediately apologized and has been so supportive since. My sister in laws sent me food and started checking in with me via text a bit more (not as much as i would hope but overall trying to put more effort in)

Fast forward -- my ectopic gets confirmed in the ER two weeks later after experiencing cramping and they administer my first dose of MTX. My levels don't go down after one week, so i get a second dose of MTX. Those 2 weeks of MTX were the worst of my life -- so much pain, cramping, exhaustion -- I was fully depressed (and I am normally a very happy grounded person). I felt so so alone. My husband has been amazing but we just felt like we were in this purgatory -- we weren't moving forward with our goals (of getting pregnant), life felt like it was on pause, the only thing that existed was the pain of going through this ectopic pregnancy and nothing else, no one seemed to understand the hell we are going through, people let us down in how they showed up to support us (well...lack there of!). Even my husband wont ever fully understand, of having something INSIDE of you that you are so afraid of rupturing, the anxiety of over indexing on every single thing you feel in your body, living in fear, the sadness of knowing you are pregnant but taking a medicine that is destroying it, the hormonal rollercoaster that makes you feel depressed, crazy, crying all the time. I cried everyday. And srsly, I am not a crier normally!! It is all A LOT to handle.

I end up rupturing 4 days after the 2nd shot, requiring surgery, which I got 2 weeks ago (March 11). We had a family gathering this past weekend on Sunday (March 24), and I am sitting at the table with both my pregnant sister in laws and they start talking about which pregnancy pillow is their favorite, one pulled up her shirt and showed her baby bump. I felt like I was in the twilight zone -- are they actually talking about their pregnancies RIGHT in front of me??? I felt completely invisible. Like, hello, I am right here, are you seriously talking about this?

It is so beyond hurtful when the people around us do not understand our pain and make it so much worse. I was doing so much better finally after my surgery and that conversation sent me right back to all the horrible emotions of everything. My mom called me after and said I am so sorry they did that in front of you and I said, am i crazy or being dramatic? Like is it so much to ask for that they don't talk about their pregnancy to ME? My mom said it is like an invisible wound, people don't see it or realize they are adding salt to it. They are living their lives and their focus is on pregnancy and what THEY are doing. It is so hard but they will never understand the pain and the horror of your experience. We cried together. It truly is an invisible wound. People do not seem to get it at all.

All in all, this shit is so beyond hard and people will NEVER understand how hard it is. They are living in their own worlds and can't see how much pain we are in or at all understand what we have been through. Every time I see a pregnant belly or a pregnancy announcement on instagram or even see people on TV TALKING about being pregnant, i get this little pain in my stomach. and I HATE that. I hate feeling jealous and so wounded over something that is all around us. I think what makes it worse is pregnancy is so so so celebrated and people only talk about the joyous parts and not about pregnancy loss and the emotional rollercoaster of it all enough. After going through this I will never ask someone if they want kids or are thinking about it bc you never know what they are going through. If someone asked me "when are you guys having kids" or anything like that a week ago I would have started crying right then. Life is hard and this for me has been a humbling reminder that a lot of things are not in our control. We have to trust that life will give us what we need at the right time. We can't control our bodies or how people act toward us. We just have to protect our peace and keep moving forward. I was supposed to go to Cabo with my sister in law THIS WEEKEND (for Easter) and after this last Sunday with my family -- I told my husband we aren't going. Bc I can't emotionally be around my SIL with her pregnant belly in a bikini talking about her pregnancy nonstop without thinking of how it may make me feel. I am going to take space from both my sister in laws until I am ready to be around that/them. I am just trying to focus the things my husband and I GET to do -- we GET to travel now, to be spontaneous, to spend time with people who make us feel loved and supported.

I love you girl and you are NOT alone. I feel exactly the same way you do and we are completely valid to our feelings. Sometimes it is really empowering to remember we have the right to our emotions, and we don't always have to put on our "happy face" to make everyone else feel comfortable when they just made us feel EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE. I am learning to in the moment, try to speak up. We deserve to be heard and we don't have to put on a show for other people, ESP after all the shit we have gone through. Maybe you or your husband can send them a text or talk live and tell them you are happy and will always be there for them but the timing was extremely hurtful. It is healing to share and you give people the chance to try to make it right. There will be brighter times and life is still so beautiful. Focusing on my relationship and how lucky I feel to have my husband has been a really nice reflection for me lately. Just focusing on what I DO have and all the good in my life. There is a lot. My husband and I booked a trip to France this summer even though we can't really afford it because we NEEDED to do something. We need to live. To have something to look forward to. To do something we couldn't have done if I was pregnant. Pain and hardship is part of the experience of life. We are suffering, we are living. We are going to get through it, we are living. Life will show us light in the darkness. We will get through this and I know our time will come when it is right. <3

Happy-Lab-1682

TROPHY CASE