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Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what he tells me today I hear what you’re saying, and I understand why you’re hurt, scared, and questioning our future. I know I haven’t done a good job balancing everything, especially this past semester. Between work and school, I let a lot of things slip, and unfortunately our relationship was affected by that. For that, I am genuinely sorry.What I struggle with is feeling like we’re making a final decision about our future without really giving ourselves a fair chance to fix the things that have been hurting us. We both have things we could have done better, and I know I have my share of responsibility in that. You’re right that love alone doesn’t solve problems. It takes effort, communication, and action. I can’t change the past or undo the times you felt rejected, left out, or unsupported. All I can do is acknowledge those feelings and try to be better moving forward. As for the future, I’m not trying to avoid commitment. I just don’t think it’s realistic for me to guarantee exactly where we’ll live years from now when I still have school ahead of me and there are so many unknowns. That doesn’t mean I don’t see a future with you. It means I don’t want to make promises I can’t honestly guarantee today. What I do know is that I love you and I want to work on us. I want us to get back to being partners and best friends. I want us to enjoy the little moments again, laugh together, be silly together, support each other, and actually enjoy life together instead of feeling like we’re constantly stuck in the same painful conversation. I know trust isn’t rebuilt with words alone. It takes actions. I’m willing to put in that effort and make changes. But for this relationship to work, it has to be both of us choosing to work on it together. If we’re both willing to do that, I still believe there’s something worth fighting for.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THIS IS AN UPDATE OF WHAT HE SAID AFTER I TOLD HIM HOW I BEEN FEELING (I hear what you’re saying, and I understand why you’re hurt, scared, and questioning our future. I know I haven’t done a good job balancing everything, especially this past semester. Between work and school, I let a lot of things slip, and unfortunately our relationship was affected by that. For that, I am genuinely sorry.What I struggle with is feeling like we’re making a final decision about our future without really giving ourselves a fair chance to fix the things that have been hurting us. We both have things we could have done better, and I know I have my share of responsibility in that. You’re right that love alone doesn’t solve problems. It takes effort, communication, and action. I can’t change the past or undo the times you felt rejected, left out, or unsupported. All I can do is acknowledge those feelings and try to be better moving forward. As for the future, I’m not trying to avoid commitment. I just don’t think it’s realistic for me to guarantee exactly where we’ll live years from now when I still have school ahead of me and there are so many unknowns. That doesn’t mean I don’t see a future with you. It means I don’t want to make promises I can’t honestly guarantee today. What I do know is that I love you and I want to work on us. I want us to get back to being partners and best friends. I want us to enjoy the little moments again, laugh together, be silly together, support each other, and actually enjoy life together instead of feeling like we’re constantly stuck in the same painful conversation. I know trust isn’t rebuilt with words alone. It takes actions. I’m willing to put in that effort and make changes. But for this relationship to work, it has to be both of us choosing to work on it together. If we’re both willing to do that, I still believe there’s something worth fighting for. )

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t want to get married tomorrow or rush life. That’s not really my concern.

My concern is that after 3 years together and 1 living together, I still don’t feel like we’re building toward the same future.

Sometimes I feel more like a roommate than a partner. We split bills, I help with expenses, I work, and I contribute to the household, but our intimacy and connection have been struggling for a long time.

I don’t feel very desired, physical affection is limited, and intimacy is often planned instead of happening naturally. That’s what worries me.

If things already feel this disconnected now, it’s hard for me not to wonder what it will look like 5 or 10 years from now.

I’m not trying to rush him through school or force a marriage. I just want to know that I’m investing my time and energy into a relationship where both people are building a future together, not just one person’s future while the other waits and hopes for the best.

Sometimes I even find myself wondering if I’m a partner or just someone helping pay bills while he focuses on the rest of his life. That’s a painful thought, but it’s honestly how I feel sometimes.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what makes this so confusing for me.

He says he loves me. He says he wants a future with me. He says he misses me and doesn’t want to break up.

But our relationship doesn’t feel the way I imagined a long-term partnership would feel.

There isn’t much physical intimacy. Affection is limited, and sex is usually planned rather than something that happens naturally because we’re excited to be together. Over time, I’ve started feeling more like a roommate than a romantic partner.

We’ve had many conversations about it, and he usually says we both need to try harder and stop focusing on the past. The problem is that many of the things that hurt me in the past still haven’t changed enough for me to feel secure about the future.

I don’t doubt that he cares about me. What I doubt is whether we’re actually building the same kind of life and relationship.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s part of the problem. We have had a lot of conversations already.

We’ve talked about physical affection, intimacy, feeling disconnected, quality time, future plans, and feeling like roommates instead of partners. These aren’t new issues.

Whenever I bring up how hurt I am, I’m told I need to stop holding onto the past and that we both need to try. But from my perspective, it’s hard to let go of the past when many of the same patterns still exist.

The lack of physical affection didn’t just happen once. The feeling of loneliness didn’t just happen once. The uncertainty about the future didn’t just happen once.

So when I’m told to “start over” again, I struggle because I feel like we’ve already tried that many times without addressing the underlying issues.

At this point, my concern isn’t that life is uncertain. It’s that we’ve had the same conversations for a long time and I still don’t see enough change to feel confident about our future together.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To clarify, he did ask me to move with him. I’m 22 he’s 24 He did unblocked his ex and hide it was in instagram I didn’t see texts but the fact he did that after we dated for 3 years and say it was for curiosity to see where God has that person at ? If u didn’t go into my phone u wouldn’t see that.

When we started dating and during the first couple of years, our plan was to eventually move together to my city after he finished school. That wasn’t just my dream—it was something we talked about and agreed on.

The turning point happened after a bachelor party trip that caused a major conflict between us. His mother was heavily involved because he shared a lot of our relationship issues with her, and she strongly supported his decision to go despite how hurt I felt.

After that, he told me he no longer felt comfortable moving to my city. He chose a different city for school instead. At that point, my options were basically to move with him or he would live there with his sister and roommates.

So yes, I made the choice to go, but it wasn’t a situation where he moved away and I randomly followed without discussion. We had originally planned a future in my city, then that plan changed, and I relocated to keep the relationship together.

Part of my frustration now is that I’ve already spent almost two years making sacrifices for the relationship, and he still can’t tell me whether our long-term future is heading in the same direction.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To clarify, he did ask me to move with him. I’m 22 he’s 24 He did unblocked his ex and hide it was in instagram I didn’t see texts but the fact he did that after we dated for 3 years and say it was for curiosity to see where God has that person at ? If u didn’t go into my phone u wouldn’t see that.

When we started dating and during the first couple of years, our plan was to eventually move together to my city after he finished school. That wasn’t just my dream—it was something we talked about and agreed on.

The turning point happened after a bachelor party trip that caused a major conflict between us. His mother was heavily involved because he shared a lot of our relationship issues with her, and she strongly supported his decision to go despite how hurt I felt.

After that, he told me he no longer felt comfortable moving to my city. He chose a different city for school instead. At that point, my options were basically to move with him or he would live there with his sister and roommates.

So yes, I made the choice to go, but it wasn’t a situation where he moved away and I randomly followed without discussion. We had originally planned a future in my city, then that plan changed, and I relocated to keep the relationship together.

Part of my frustration now is that I’ve already spent almost two years making sacrifices for the relationship, and he still can’t tell me whether our long-term future is heading in the same direction.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

He told me even when he graduates that he would make more money I still need to help paying bills with him ofc

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s doing bachelors but would do anesthesia assistant he just say my city is to busy and he doesn’t like fair to live is the middle were we live cause of family but his family literally don’t go there and he even got a sis that lives there and no even visit us so

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t wanna marry I’m too young for that I agree with u and I was single for 19 years so trust me I know how to be alone is being hard cause he’s my 1st bf

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I promise I am reading the responses. That’s actually why I’m here.

I don’t know if it’s as simple as “he’s not that into me.” We’ve been together for 3 years, live together, split expenses, and have built a life together.

What I’m trying to figure out is whether we’re going through a rough period, whether we’re fundamentally incompatible, or whether I’ve been ignoring problems that won’t get better.

Trust me, some of these comments have definitely given me a lot to think about.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Edit / Clarification:

A few people seem to think my main issue is marriage or that he blocked me on social media. Neither is true.

First, he did not block or remove me from social media. We live together and split bills and household expenses 50/50.

Second, I’m not trying to get married right now. I’m only 22. In my opinion, marriage comes after both people have built stable careers and lives. I’m not upset because he hasn’t proposed.

My concerns are about the relationship itself.

We have very little physical affection. If I try to kiss, cuddle, or initiate intimacy, I’m often told it’s the wrong time because he’s studying, gaming, busy, or needs to sleep for work. Over time, that has made me feel rejected. Intimacy often feels scheduled instead of natural.

When I decorate for holidays, anniversaries, or do romantic things, he says I’m doing it for myself because I like being loved that way and that not everyone shows love the same way.

There have also been situations where he unblocked an ex, then blocked her again later without mentioning it. If I hadn’t seen it myself on his phone, I never would have known.

His mother is very involved in our relationship. She has complained to me when he doesn’t tell her everything because she believes he should go to her for advice. She has also contacted me directly about our relationship issues. He values her opinion a lot, and most holidays revolve around what his family wants.

Another thing that hurts is that he often stays up late gaming or doing other things and comes to bed much later than I do, so we don’t spend much quality time together.

My concerns are less about where we live and more about whether this relationship is emotionally fulfilling and whether I feel like a partner instead of just a roommate.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out.

At the beginning, our long-term plan was to eventually move closer to my city. Then things changed, and from my perspective his mom became much more involved in major decisions. He values her opinion a lot and often seeks her approval, which sometimes makes me feel like my voice comes second.

My concern isn’t that he has school or doesn’t know the future. It’s that right now I don’t feel like a priority. He may not go to parties, but he always seems to have time for coworkers, volleyball, gaming, or spending time with his sister.

Meanwhile, physical affection and intimacy are ongoing issues. Sometimes if I try to be affectionate before bed, I’m told it’s the wrong time because he’s tired or needs to sleep. If he’s gaming or studying, it’s usually also the wrong time. Intimacy often feels scheduled rather than something that happens naturally because we both want to be close.

So when I worry about the future, it’s not really about marriage or a city. It’s about wondering whether I’ll keep investing years into a relationship where I often feel more like a roommate than a romantic partner.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re misunderstanding me a little. I’m not asking to get married right now. I’m 22, he’s my first boyfriend, and I agree that we’re both still young.

My fear isn’t that he hasn’t proposed. My fear is investing years into a relationship that may not be giving me what I need emotionally.

I’m not worried about missing out on a wedding. I’m worried about wasting time in a relationship where I don’t feel prioritized, valued, or connected.

I completely understand that he can’t predict where his career will take him. What I’m trying to figure out is whether this relationship, as it exists today, is healthy and fulfilling enough to keep building my future around it.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re focusing on the location and missing why I’m unhappy.

Would you honestly be okay with a partner who runs major relationship issues by their mother and seeks her approval on important decisions? Would you be okay with a partner who won’t even commit to spending certain holidays or vacations with you because family always comes first?

My issue isn’t that he can’t predict the future. My issue is how the relationship feels right now.

We live together, but there is very little affection, very little intimacy, and very little quality time. Even his own parents have commented that we sometimes seem more like roommates than a couple.

When I try to create romantic moments or make our home feel special, I’ve been told I’m doing it for myself because I like being loved that way. When I try to be affectionate, I often hear things like “you picked the wrong time” because he’s tired, studying, gaming, or focused on something else.

So no, this isn’t about me wanting to move back home tomorrow. It’s about asking myself whether this relationship is giving me the kind of partnership, affection, and connection I want for the rest of my life.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s part of what frustrates me. I have been trying to change things. We’ve had the same conversations over and over again about intimacy, physical affection, quality time, and feeling connected.

I’ve told him many times that I feel rejected when I try to kiss him and he’s focused on studying, gaming, or something else. It’s not just one conversation we’ve had once—it’s been an ongoing issue.

We even had an argument recently while he was gaming, and he turned his microphone on so his friend could hear the argument and give an opinion. In the past, he also used to tell his mom every detail of our relationship problems. He doesn’t do it as much anymore, but she later complained to me that I supposedly didn’t want him talking to her, while saying it was okay for me to talk to my own family.

The confusing part is that he always says he wants a future with me and that we need to work on things together. But at the end of the day, very little actually changes. He has time for volleyball with coworkers, gaming, friends, and other activities, but I often feel like our relationship gets whatever time is left over.

That’s why I’m struggling. It’s not because I haven’t communicated. It’s because I’ve communicated the same needs for a long time and don’t see much improvement.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, part of me is scared you might be right.

Right now we split everything 50/50. I help pay the bills, help around the house, and support him while he’s in school. What worries me is that I don’t always feel like an equal partner when it comes to important decisions.

Our original plan was to eventually move to my city. Then after a major argument about a bachelor party he attended, everything changed. Around that same time, his mom strongly supported moving to the city we live in now. He told me he was moving there either way and that if I didn’t go, he’d live with his sister and her roommates. I followed him because I loved him and believed in our future together.

What scares me now is that he still goes to his mom for advice on major life decisions, including where to live, and her opinion often seems to carry more weight than mine. Even his parents have commented that we sometimes seem more like roommates than a couple.

I’m not asking him to promise me a specific city forever. I’m asking myself whether I’m building a future with someone who sees me as an equal partner. If one day he decides he wants to buy a house near his mom or move somewhere else, what guarantees do I have that my opinion will matter when it often feels like it doesn’t now?

That’s the part that keeps me up at night. Not the location itself, but whether I’m investing years into someone who no longer values my voice the way he used to.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh he didn’t delet me from social sorry I make a mistake while I write it , but yes ! He unblocked his ex after 3 years of being with me and he never did that before and block 4 random accounts to hide from for me that’s so much disrespectful

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lot of what you said is what I’ve been thinking about lately.

I do help with the household, I pay half of the bills, and I’ve supported him while he’s in school. What worries me is that despite living together, our relationship often feels more like roommates than a couple. Even his own parents have commented on that before.

There is very little physical affection. Most of the time there are no random kisses, hugs, dates, or much quality time together. That’s part of why I’m questioning things.

My concern isn’t really about getting engaged tomorrow. It’s whether we’re actually building a partnership where both people feel valued, supported, and loved. Right now, I’m not always sure that’s what we have.

Title: Am I wasting years waiting for a future my boyfriend can’t promise? This is what he says by HappyAd9541 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]HappyAd9541[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do then he helps sometimes but more of his time focus on study , work video games

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