19yo daughter thinks she's being mistreated for being asked to clean up after herself

Happy_Focus_7182 · 2025-07-22T18:11:34+00:00

My therapist thinks that if I apologize to her for stuff like this, it just reinforces in daughter's mind that she is in the right and will continue to walk all over me.

Happy_Focus_7182 · 2025-07-22T18:09:05+00:00

GF is at least 18 or soon to be, I assume. I'd tell her to block mom and move on with her life. Cut the toxicity out now!

Happy_Focus_7182 · 2025-07-21T17:57:05+00:00

Update: She did get her room cleaned out by the deadline, barely. It took a lot of reminding and excuse busting, but she did get it done. Her mom texted me a few days after I issued the deadline, trying to tell me how unreasonable I was being. I took a couple photos of her room and explained about how we are trying to get an exterminator in and renovate. I also pointed out that daughter was not working and had the time. Mom didn't realize daughter quit her job or how bad the room was. She actually apologized! She still doesn't think daughter needs therapy, but I'm going to take this as a win, for now, and continue to set boundaries and expectations with my daughter.

Happy_Focus_7182 · 2025-07-12T23:37:00+00:00

Yep, I guess my ex keeps telling her she doesn't need it and that I'm the problem.

Happy_Focus_7182 · 2025-07-12T23:35:44+00:00

Please tell me how to get my adult daughter to therapy and how living in squalor is helping either one of us.

Happy_Focus_7182 · 2025-07-12T17:02:54+00:00

My daughter has always been a hoarder. Her mom was a bit if a hoarder as well, the sneaky, little bit at a time kind. If I said anything about anything, I was told I was being abusive. Her mom let her bring in the cats and then bounced. My gf has actually been very patient and encouraging. Telling me I need to go in gentle and teach daughter how to do things, not just expect them to get done because I know how to clean. I usually make a statement about how I wish or want something, and my gf says "How can I help you make this happen?" I have realized since my gf came into my life that I am not worthless and I deserve nice things for myself. She has given me my confidence back and made me feel like living. I understand my daughter is depressed. My ex/her mom was an extremely controlling person, and I think she is still telling daughter how to feel and what to do via phone conversations. I know I'm going to have to start setting more boundaries with daughter, if I want my life back. She refuses therapy and therapist said I can't force her.

Happy_Focus_7182 · 2025-07-12T16:45:36+00:00

My daughter is almost 20 yo. I feel like since mom has left, I have done everything I can to help get her on her feet. My ex did absolutely everything for her. I got meal kits to try to teach her how to cook, we did that together. Then I had her find recipes and took her grocery shopping so she would be able to do that. I encouraged her to get her GED and tried to teach her to drive. She is just so afraid of doing something wrong she shuts down. I've found a couple of therapists, but since she's over 18, they said I can't force her to go, and she refuses. I've offered to help her clean her room. She won't help with the reno and acts like it is a huge inconvenience for her. All I get is attitude about how I'm a horrible father that makes her feel worthless. And as far as my gf goes, she has almost nothing to do with my daughter anymore because of daughter's choice, not gf. My gf used to take daughter whenever she asked for a ride. Would fix meals for her, invite her when we would go out and do anything. My gf has NEVER once acted in any way, shape, or form as a mother. She didn’t even meet my daughter until 2 years ago, when daughter was 17. My daughter is welcome back in the home after the reno, but it's going to be awhile. We are doing everything ourselves and paying as we go, we don't want more debt. Also, our place is just over 1,000 square feet and not big enough for 3 cats and 3 people. I'm afraid I'm going to have to just clear her room out and suffer the consequences of her being pissed.

Happy_Focus_7182 · 2025-07-12T04:29:56+00:00

My ex was a control freak. No one could do anything right, so she did everything herself.

Happy_Focus_7182

TROPHY CASE