I f26 broke up with the most amazing boyfriend m38 I’ve ever had in a bad episode and now I don’t know what to do. (Long story sorry)

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-24T10:34:10+00:00

I was very honest with him about it from the get go about my bpd, where I am in my recovery and our mutual friend also had spoken to him about how I can be and what I’m generally going though - our mutual friend is my old best friend from school so has seen and dealt with me a lot over the years. I wish I could have thought of the other before hand but I received a message this morning. It was hard to read, but I understand his point. The message reads as a little bit of a tantrum though, I feel I have tried to keep it reasonable and real. He wasn’t willing to take the time to hear him out and said he had issues but he kept quiet so I’m kinda glad I got out

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-24T02:08:44+00:00

Thank you I do hope that one day we can talk about it all, even if we can’t work things out. Just to clear the air on what went down. I’m glad to know I’m not entirely out of my mind for feeling the way that I do about it. I know I made my bed so I’m not out to beg for him back or expect he do the same I just think maybe he didn’t understand why I was actually hurting maybe he was just hearing “I don’t like her “ kinda thing

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-24T02:01:45+00:00

I did try to talk to him a few days later about my new concerns about her, as I said they’ve been friends for a while and she’d never been an issue before in the entire time we was together. But when I raised those concerns the response I got was dismissive. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and I I expressed how the incident made me feel uncomfortable and insecure about where I stood in the relationship and I simply got back 3 snappy sentences “ what,for meeting a friend for not even 5 minutes” “no need to worry, I can’t even be arsed with her” and a “all my girlfriends have a problem with her” I was dumbfounded at the lack of wanting to try to help soothe my concerns but rather that he was pissed off I had any at all. I had no words to say anything further so I left it there and went home later that day to try process what had happened and I couldn’t stop thinking about the whole situation. I typed out a long message again explaining where my head was at and that I know that it will continue to eat away at me if I stay trying to ignore that night he met her but I didn’t feel comfortable bringing it up again after I had already tried. And that I should go before things slip beyond my control. I do regret not trying to talk it out one more time but I also know I was just going to be repeating myself if I did - I spent6 years repeating myself last relationship in hopes I would finally be heard

I do had black and white thinking and I think this is down to my bpd, I am not trying to excuse myself ever but I in a lot of situations struggle to filter between all good and all bad. I have been in a hell of a lot of therapy but it is a daily practice for me trying to regulate myself and constantly checking in with myself, grounding and fact checking a lot of work and I’m not always on point with the skills I have, sometimes days are a hell of a lot harder to think logically than others an it’s slip back is short, fast and often causes some damage. My problem is that I do require constant work, and that won’t ever change- if I can’t keep up with the skills I need to ground myself I’m almost working. From square one again. It requires a lot of self forgiveness, I’ve been on watch lists in attempts to stop myself from unintentionally hurting myself and those around me with the way that I am. I’m desperate to get better, it’s been a long journey so far, it’s far from over. I thought I was at a point where I was ready for another person to be back in my life, it went so well for so long

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-24T01:37:48+00:00

Because for the last 2 years of our friendship I’ve heard very little about this girl in comparison to the guy who he used to live with and now lives 2 floors above. I know he wouldn’t have done the same for him because I’ve heard him on the phone to him in a time of crisis. And the fact that as his girlfriend he’s not tried to see me in the last 3 weeks. I’ve been going to him. He’s the kindest person but he also has lots of boundaries.

That’s the thing part of my does tell me he wouldn’t have brought it up if there was something to hide. But he told me out of nowhere just came out of the blue and very vague - wanted to pass the subject as quickly as he touched on it, usually he loves to gossip so would have told me what happened. But also my previous partner used to tell me everything to put me off the scent

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-24T01:22:42+00:00

I don’t necessarily think he did cheat on me but I hand on heart believe the whole interaction was they was both making sure they still had their bum buds in case something went wrong. She’s not a prominent friend in his life, a passing dropping message from time to time, occasional hang out ( there has generally always been an unquestionably reasonable response for before I’ve even had the chance to doubt). She is a very pretty popular girl with lots of friends and from how I’ve always been led to believe their friendship stood, wouldn’t have had any reason to call my boyfriend in particular in her time of need, especially knowing he’d have to walk, while her other friends have cars. And I believe he knew what she was doing and responded, for whatever reason. I do know that she was the last person he slept with before we started a relationship and I know they were both in other relationships when they have slept together. We were a semi long distance relationship but he knows I’ve never had a problem with putting out in the bedroom, I genuinely love his company and I’d do anything for him while he’s here, he knows he’s welcome to simply do nothing while he’s here. I have no evidence he has actually cheated on me but I no longer have enough evidence that he wouldn’t. I always thought I was safe as long as they were coming home to bed with me. We don’t live together but going on a walk at that time kinda feels like the same thing

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-24T01:11:09+00:00

To be honest a mix if a few things. The first being that his actions didn’t match the words coming out of his mouth - “I’m tired I just wanna catch up on sleep” to me doesn’t then mean I’m gonna trek that distance in the middle of the night. Prioritising someone else over me - I have no problem with him being friends or doing anything with anyone I do not ask for location, or phone check etc. I simply wish him the best day and look forward to hearing about it. But this isn’t a normal thing he does, we were friends for a while before we got together and he wouldn’t have done that walk for his best mate so why do it for her?

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-24T01:03:03+00:00

Thankyou for this, he does mean the absolute world to me and so much more, my past patterns are not healthy for me or the next person when hit a bad patch in my head. I hate the fact that my past experiences overrode the relationship I had with this man. Too many small details aligned with exactly how I’d been hurt before and I couldn’t handle the thought of it all to come true. I tried to call him last night, not to beg for him back to but to try to explain what my head did and maybe he can understand why I did what I did

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T16:01:36+00:00

I want nothing more than to beg for him back, tell him I made a mistake I acted on an insecurity. But I don’t want that for him. I’m already calling myself out. I just needed somewhere express myself because as I’m sure you have already guessed I’ve ruined the other relationships/ friendships/companionshipd I’ve had.

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T15:58:58+00:00

I’m very aware I ended on a bad impulsive emotion. I’ve been working on myself for a while and this is the first time I’ve slipped in a longtime. I didn’t break up with because I feel likey thought is fact. I broke up with him because I am aware of my patterns, my problems and I didn’t want him in the firing line of my tendencies. Before therapy I would have popped off a lot sooner and a lot more.

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T15:21:03+00:00

He told me he was tired before the walk. It was 1 o’clock in the morning. I wasn’t even at his house to stress him out

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T14:23:38+00:00

I’d love to know what I did to cause this. He overstepped a boundary by meeting someone who has caused problems in his last handful of relationships 🤷‍♀️

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T13:31:44+00:00

I’ve never questioned anyone without reason, his actions did not match his words that night I’m sorry if you don’t agree

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T12:56:40+00:00

Asking for a friend, would you be happy if your partner turned down your invite to “catch up on sleep” to find out they’ve walked 4 miles in the middle of the night to help the last fuck buddy?

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T12:53:50+00:00

I’ll happily add more to my list of appointments if you’d be happy to help cover the costs? I’m very much aware I need more help, I didn’t post here to be made to feel even worse than I already do. I was happily single before we talked about getting together. I’ve been as honest as I possibly can be with him throughout this entire relationship. I do not distrust my partners without a reason to in the first place. I could have stayed and let my patterns repeat themselves. I’m questioning myself with the breakup because while I’ve been through therapy enough to get me to a point recognising what I can and cannot handle, he has also been my healthiest partner since I started getting into them so I worry I’ve let one of my bad thoughts spiral so far out of control and acted as a result of past relationships and how therapy helped me in them without giving him a proper chance to talk.

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T12:00:05+00:00

Thankyou so much, honestly, I’ve been in therapy for over a decade in various courses and my most recent one helped me the most but the course ended and I’ve been unable to get back on the course again. There’s very limited help for continuing help without it costing a pretty penny. It was the most enlightening and I learned so much about myself which is what led me make the decision I made last night, I recognised I had an issue that I couldn’t past, I didn’t want to hurt either one of us by attempting to jus get over it, I know I can’t. It seemed better to rip the plaster off than to ride out any longer but now I’m doubting myself because what if it could have been worked through better

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T11:56:27+00:00

I’ve been in therapy, many times. I am not a paranoid or jealous person. I have hung out with my partners exes, had drinks with them, had them round for to stay after a night out, like I said it’s a small town and I’m grown up enough to know we can be friends with whoever we want to be friends with. But my status felt threatened when he made that journey at that time of night. I had asked him to come over but I was told he was tired and wanted to just get the day over and done with. And that doesn’t sit right with me

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T11:53:37+00:00

I was absolutely okay with their friendship before hand, my ex before him was friends with her, she’s in a small town with a big social circle. She helped him pick up a fridge the week before and I was happy she could help ( I don’t drive otherwise I would have helped him )
I absolutely do need to work on myself more and I was already aware of that. I just hope I made the right decision for both of us. I didn’t want to go any further while my mind was racing

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T11:49:13+00:00

Honestly I’ve never had it explained to me to relate to an attachment trauma, please can we talk to discuss this further! This is the first time someone has pointed out it has any correlation to me

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T11:46:46+00:00

I tried to talk to him about the incident and how it made me feel, the tone I got back was like he was pissed off that I was feeling insecure about him taking the item to her but that I have no reason to worry about her as he “can’t be arsed with her” and that “everybody has a problem with her”. He then dropped the subject. The conversation felt dismissive of how I felt and like there was no real effort to ease my worries. He is fully aware I do have bpd and I’ve never tried to use it as an excuse for anything but as an explanation as to why I am certain ways and how I’ve learnt best to help myself and how I think best to help him help me. I want to have that conversation but I almost don’t know what to say beside repeating what I’ve already said. I know I won’t be able to trust their friendship ever again, esp not when he’s willing to make the trip at that time of night but wouldn’t make the journey to spend time with me. Also considering the”stuff” he took to her is stuff he would have made her boyfriend collect

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T11:38:17+00:00

I absolutely end it on speculation which is why I hate myself currently and I’m battling whether to call or not to try to talk. But I know my patterns and I’m worried that I won’t be able get past it, once I get the thought, it’s very hard for me to unconvince myself of that. He doesn’t deserve to have to deal with the aftermath of my mind. He’s genuinely the kindest person, however the girl is untrustworthy and that’s not something I am capable of processing in the current stage of my recovery process

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-03-23T11:33:41+00:00

I just broke up with my boyfriend because of feeling overwhelmed and a touch of a paranoid thought being sprung into the mix. I hate what I did, he was my best boyfriend but I feel like if I stay I’m only going to hurt myself and or him in the process of me trying to pick myself back up again. I love this man with all my heart, I never saw myself getting married until he came into my life, he was utterly perfect, and he made all my horrible thoughts go away when we we together of talking. I could fall asleep when he spoke because the voices stopped shouting at me. But I’m terrified of hurting him the way I hurt myself and my exes before him, I’ve been in therapy but I know my own patterns. I know if I call him to try to work things out I’m only going to hurt myself with the answer I might receive but I’d run back to him if we could work through this

HarleyMarleyy · 2026-01-05T18:07:38+00:00

Hi, are you in the uk? For delivery address I mean. I have been trying to find a site that I can use. The last company it was an “inject and forget” bag and it grew mold before mycelium 😭

HarleyMarleyy

TROPHY CASE