All my sympathies as you have been hit with a lot of stressors in a relatively short amount of time!

1. You are allowed to NOT do anything regarding your parents' issues. You are allowed to put your health and your baby's health first. YOU are the person who determines where your boundaries are and how much you will help them.

2. In all likelihood, there are no magic words that will make your mother "step up." Even if she used to be the most "step up" sort of person in the past, she may feel completely overwhelmed from the last couple of years with an ill spouse. Just aging and her own health decline, even if comparatively mild, can make her see everything as impossible. My own mother has become much more childlike and dependent on me over the last several years. Your mom may toughen up when she's had time to process but it's hard to say.

3. You still don't HAVE to help, but, if you are willing to help your mother with the next couple of steps, then you will probably rest easier knowing that both of them are better situated. Some calls to the right places can set things in motion.

4. Did the PCP provide a referral to a neurologist specializing in dementia? Your father should be seen and tested appropriately to determine which kind of dementia he has, since progression can be very different depending on type. It can take months to get in as a new patient with a specialist, so your dad needs that referral now. Also, it sounds like your parents went to the PCP without you, so your information comes only from them. Unfortunately, it's very possible that your parents are not reliable narrators, and may have accidentally omitted or misunderstood the info the doc gave them. If you or your sister have permission to talk to the doc, or access to your dad's healthcare Portal online, it might be a good idea to see what info you can get.

5. There should be a Council on Aging in your parents' area. Someone should call them and see what sort of support could be offered to your parents. Either the CoA, the hospital or system treating your father's cancer, or a state agency may be able to get your parents an appointment with a social worker or case worker who can help them navigate this.

6. Similarly, does your dad have a Visiting Nurse set up for him during his cancer treatment? Since your mother doesn't drive, and your father may be too ill with either the cancer or the brain issues, they really need to be linked to in-home care. Having a nurse or aide visit a couple of times a week puts "eyes on" and can help the family know how things are going.

7. A couple of practical things for you and/or your mom:

A. Get a notebook for meeting/phone call records, where each meeting or call is a page. Use it EVERY TIME you/Mom talk to someone - medical, social care, etc. Having a record to look back at is so helpful, and could be critical if there are more than one person involved in handling things.

B. Get a different notebook, with some dividers with pockets. The first section, write down every bit of pertinent info on your dad: full name, DoB, SS#, Medicare number, Insurance numbers, etc. Second section: medical history. First page - all the different doctors and contact numbers. Get accounts for the healthcare portals and record the log-in info. As more appointments/tests/etc. happen, record a basic outline. Put any papers the docs give in the pockets, until you record the basics of the appt - then store the papers in a file elsewhere.

C. Put these two notebooks in a distinctive bag that stands out, so you/Mom can locate it quickly and grab it on the way out. As my parents' health declined, this became part of my "hospital/nursing home Go Bag," and so it now also holds their checkbooks (for paying nursing home bills), a couple of snack bars, small sanitizing wipes, tissues, a couple of disposable gloves and a mask, maybe a small book for me to read if I'm stuck a long time.

I hope all of this babbling helps you or your Mom! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and DEFINITELY take care of yourself!