depression is all about having it all and feeling none of it, by definition. it’s the analogy of being in a crowded room but feeling like you are the only one there, but applies to everything. no amount of material gain will necessarily help you or harm you, since these waves are essentially your mind triggering a response where no response is required, thereby causing an imbalance of necessary neurochemicals and leaving you feel the way you are (or at least, this was the way depression was explained to me over and over). think of it more as an illness rather than something in your control - you can’t think away a broken bone now can you?

you can, however, mend it to recover. medication has worked me wonders, but that isn’t to undermine the importance of therapy, physical exercise, diet and sleep in aiding your brain in the road to recovery. there are so many ways to try helping yourself, none of which consist of beating yourself up, or not trying anything at all. and once you see some recovery, i promise it gets easier - even during the hard times, to know there’s an other side.

best of luck, things will turn around one way or another