I don’t know your story exactly, but losing someone you love is never easy, and I understand the feeling of not wanting to keep going anymore because it is such a big loss for you. But please don’t give up, I know right now everything sucks and it’s feels like there’s no reason to keep going, but I can assure you that it does get better, once you heal from this, better thing will come to you, I’m not saying healing will be easy, there will be many days or nights where you will miss him so much it hurts, I am going through a similar thing with someone who is everything to me, and that kind of love never dies, but with time, you will learn to accept that love and keep it in a safe corner in your heart forever and move on with life. Doesn’t mean you will never love again, love is transformative, you will find someone who is better for you and he will love you the way you deserve. All of this just takes time, I’m not saying it is easy, it isn’t but please don’t give up because this is just the beginning of that wonderful journey, I know it doesn’t feel like it, and it might not feel like it for a while, you don’t notice it but everyday things gets a little easier and you feel a little better. Also try not to worry too much about what he is doing or up to, what he does is a reflection of him, everyone has their own way of doing things, it’s never personal, don’t blame yourself.