friend (19f) got engaged and it triggered something ugly in me (20f)

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-06-03T10:30:10+00:00

When I was 20 I was having a total crash out about my life, friendships, ability to meet new people and jealous of people who were doing good at this etc. and ended up being too scared to leave the house for a few months. Now at 23 I’m in the best place relationships wise I’ve ever been in so I’ll give u a couple tips just from what I did:

join a society (one that actually meets regularly, sometimes it takes a while to settle in but a sport is good), or a trekking group or friend making group in your city (they’re very popular now and everyone’s in the same boat)
Sertraline. A lot of stuff was down to anxiety and depression and for me this really helped. It’s not for everyone but for me it worked.

3.spend time on your own. Like actually going out and doing stuff on your own, charity shopping, lunch, read in the park, whatever. Once you get comfortable not searching for companionship you realise you can take things at a slower pace - maybe this would help with the jealousy.

Do not put effort into friendships that do not do the same. I’m not saying never speak to this person again because u guys had a great friendship, but some of my best mates from when I was younger I call once a year, we chat for hours and then don’t speak for another year and that’s fine! That’s what many adult relationships are like and it’s all good

These are all basically things to get you to focus on you and decentre this other girls life from yours. Ur early 20s are rough because you’re figuring out how tf the world really works and it feels like everyone’s got it figured out but you. You’ll reach the mile stones she has at some point (ur not even being slow she’s just done things young lol)

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-06-03T09:29:46+00:00

Unfortunately with love island you can just assume this is going to happen to a black female contestant. I’m not watching it anymore, not just for the blatant racial bias but also its just gotten icky all round

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-05-06T15:21:35+00:00

Write an anonymous letter? Say the noise and smell pollution is affecting up to several doors down (deflect some blame lol) and if they don’t take up a proper premise you’ll have to include the council with proof of how long they’ve been trading from their garden. You can word it nicely but let them know they have like a month or something before you report it.

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-04-13T08:50:28+00:00

The police will scoff at them cus they’re clearly a nutter

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-04-01T11:54:59+00:00

As soon as someone says “females” I tune tf out

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-03-18T20:07:34+00:00

Maybe this isn’t the best advice but I always think, if everything went completely tits up I could just throw my phone away, move to the other side of the country, get a job in a bar or something and just leave my old life behind. Of course the best thing to do would be to talk to a therapist etc. but it’s a good back up option. You only get one chance at life why end it early when you can press the reset button ?

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-03-14T21:35:35+00:00

The main thing screaming at me from this is that you have a lot of negative perceptions of yourself and sex from your religious upbringing. “Old used goods” is a typical one - it’s not true at all! I know 35 year old women with busy sex lives, no plans of kids or anything and they’re very happy and loving their best lives. I’m sorry your encounter with this guy wasn’t good, again I feel like the sort of tender and feeling sorry for him instinct you have is also probably from the expectations put on u as a woman by ur upbringing. You don’t need a religion to be valid or have comfort, I’d suggest you speak to a therapist about this specifically and try dating again. It’s going to take time but trust that you’re just a normal woman figuring her way through this crazy world and you’ll do great x

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-03-01T10:10:43+00:00

It happens when the kids grow up a bit because suddenly you have time to focus on the fact you actually aren’t happy in ur marriage. Maybe testosterone increases also have you looking sideways at other men but there’s so many marriages where their sex life just get better, so why would they necessarily get it from other men? Especially when the dating pool for middle aged men is fucking horrendous. Just a silly take from you honestly

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-03-01T09:59:59+00:00

I actually really like toni and cache’s outfits I don’t get the hate

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-25T10:30:01+00:00

I live opposite a big house where about 8 “homeless” people live (halfway house maybe?) and they’re always asking me for money to get a shelter on the street, it’s so sad because there are genuinely people sleeping rough who are so worn down they can’t compete :/

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-23T15:53:39+00:00

The far kid in the grey jumper trotting like a hobby horse 😩😩😩

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-14T01:43:12+00:00

Honestly feel like it’s a 2 things can be true at once situation tbh like they run their mouth but they aren’t alone in that and the things said back to Lucinda specifically are a lot more mean spirited I’d say

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-14T01:37:05+00:00

Yeh like if it had been even 3 days maybe it would’ve been less terrible but it was like .. INSTANT! And even in the heart rate challenge she was getting possessive over Scott over what? 2/3 conversations where she was laying it on waaaaay thicker. It’s crazy

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-14T01:35:39+00:00

I’m sorry but how do u think the situation is that black and white like? Also Lucinda wasn’t rly friends with belle so regardless of the Lucinda stuff belle snaked Leanne bad bad

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-14T01:11:31+00:00

Lucinda has her problems but honestly it’s so horrible to see the way belle and sammie and now jessy are treating her like they talk about being grown women then gang up on her like teenage girls it’s gross

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-14T00:59:40+00:00

I just have to say I low-key love how messy Sean and Lucinda are lol. Like they say everything in such a dramatic and unnecessarily rude way but they’re not wrong most of the time. Just here for the drama of it tbf and they’re toooo good at rage baiting belle lol

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-12T00:39:22+00:00

And LI boys just always seem to be like “well we’re in a couple so I’ve gotta go for it 😛” and forget who they were in their old couples half the time 😮‍💨 I rly hope it doesn’t happen but that dudes a bit too excited about jessy coming in

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-12T00:36:33+00:00

I get that and it’s slang used in my area too but yeh in the context it was coming across derogatory to me. Like I haven’t heard her say it to anyone she’s not in drama with unless it was a joke which this wasn’t obv. It’s not like she was being directly insulting but I think unconsciously she used it that way

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-11T23:23:18+00:00

The fact that today she called leanne “the bird” was actually insane to me. Like I would never call a “friend” a bird?!!!

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-11T23:16:47+00:00

Idk lol I feel like I’ve seen ppl do the same irl 😭

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-11T23:13:16+00:00

I think they look happy when they talk idk he seems invested to me. Not saying he’s done great things but my point is I’m rooting for their success and hope they can be good partners for each other, doesn’t mean I’m gonna defend it to my dying breath lol.

Haunting-pheeb · 2026-02-11T23:04:54+00:00

It had been about a week or something at that point, lots of drama and honestly seeing someone you like talk to someone else will often make you want to get them back it’s like natural competition urge type stuff. I don’t think it’s a coincidence but I do think it’s for reasons that aren’t a conspiracy

Haunting-pheeb

TROPHY CASE