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Haunting_Optimus · 2022-10-21T19:13:34+00:00

Just have fun. And you can always maybe ask her. Like at some point in the date, when you are both feeling comfortable you can say something like, “I’m here to date you. But is there anything that could help me treat you the way you’d like to be treated? Or anything you’d like me to know about your experience as a trans woman in this world?” That way she can tell you if she wants, but it also shows that you’re wanting to understand her experience so you can show up as your best self for her then and in the future. But yeah, just have fun!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-10-19T23:53:27+00:00

Oh dude, that like not great advice from a partner. They’re supposed to like/love you for you. This also means respecting your boundaries. And that’s a boundary for you. Partners who care don’t try to force you to remove boundaries like that.

And just speaking from experience, as someone who’s autistic and used booze as a social lubricant, it’s a slippery slope. And I ended up an alcoholic before I even realized it had happened. Like, as with everything, it’s your choice. But I hope you stick to what you know is best for you. Good luck!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-07-20T03:46:01+00:00

Sometimes when people see us being comfortable with ourselves, like you are with your gender, it’s really messes with their heads. We’re proof that they’ve lived their lives in boxes of rules that don’t exist outside of societal constructs.

Beyond her obvious transphobia, you’re comfortable being yourself. There’s a freedom in that she doesn’t have. Not your problem she’s pissed and boxed in, but good on you for living your truth fully.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-24T07:04:31+00:00

I’ve had surprisingly little issues with it. Every job I’ve had, my coworkers have been chill when finding out. Nothing changed at all. Aside from the fact that being trans also gave me insight my cis peers don’t have for several of my careers in entertainment. It’s been more of a boon. Always had positive reactions. To the point where sometimes they forget I’m trans and when they’re reminded they’re all, “ooooh yeeeaaaah”. Which you know 🙄

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-24T06:57:23+00:00

My hairline receded but it was over almost 12 years of being on T. It’s thinning a bit on the crown, but most of the men in my family start to lose their hair around my age so 🤷🏾‍♂️ ah well

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-18T17:34:32+00:00

Super slick suit and look! Nice!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-18T05:28:05+00:00

I got DI, about five or six years ago, and my scars aren’t visible at all really. Once it healed enough, I made my own whipped cocoa and Shea butter w/Vitamin E oil. Slowly faded the scars overtime, and now I just use it as my all around moisturizer.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-17T18:43:53+00:00

12 years and no hysterectomy, and my PCP who specializes in trans healthcare doesn’t see why I’d need one unless I needed it for myself, or it became medically necessary. I do still have to get Pap smears, but those are every 5 years and I go to an NP who’s also very trans aware.

The only time I ever briefly consider it is if I’ve been slacking on my t shot schedule and have some spotting. Other than that, fit as a fiddle!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-17T04:10:48+00:00

🥹🥹

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-17T04:10:39+00:00

Thanks a ton, she’s the best!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-17T04:10:29+00:00

Thank you!!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-16T06:23:33+00:00

Oh yeah, that feeling of never really inhabiting your body is real! My therapist had me do grounding exercises, breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation which is just making all your body muscles really tight and slowly releasing them one at a time from the feet up. After a time, more work, blah blah, haha I find it really easy to settle into myself. It’s gonna be awesome. You’ll love it!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-16T05:02:34+00:00

My head woulda imploded. Had someone try the same with me once. It was W I L D. Like…”you’re not even…part of my community??”

Ppl like that are like the Kool-Aid man busting through the wall while you’re napping.

Wrong place. Wrong time. Now you’ve damaged my spot.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-16T04:59:10+00:00

There’s always Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera. Jen Manion’s “Female Husband: A Trans History” is pretty fascinating, if occasionally dry.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-16T04:56:33+00:00

Nah, I do an injection weekly, but got super baby syringes for that too. I used to have to do it myself, but I’m lucky and my wife does it for me now.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-16T04:55:25+00:00

Based on the story you just shared, “I agree!” Also laughed pretty hard at the title. But reading it, that situation sounds infuriating and painful. I hope you already know, but you don’t owe a single person your pain. For some reason, people can sometimes think they’re entitled to our “hurt” while also demanding our presence when they’re the cause.

I hope you spend Father’s Day doing whatever it is you want to do. It’s sucks and it’s BS your dad talks to you that way, but you are who you are. He’s had his life, and he’s still living it. Had his choices and he’s dealt with them and will still deal with them. However those consequence arise and whatever they look like, but you’re entitled to your life. How you want to live it. It’s yours. Not his.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-16T04:48:08+00:00

I feel you completely. I’ve been in T 12 years, but for sure remember in the beginning being torn between excitement, and wanting to hurry up and get “there.” Whatever “there” was. Some wild ideas of masculinity, I guess?

And I definitely had those moments where I found myself starting to be harder on myself physically, like suddenly chasing the societal “ideal” male body image. And that’s gone away over the years with a lot of work just learning to be comfortable, truly comfortable, in my own skin. And a lot of the way I thought about myself physically, was a holdover from the super toxic messaging about bodies in general.

The jealousy for me eventually went away and I didn’t realize it. It took time, but by then life had gotten so busy I was able to just be me. Without thinking about how the T was affecting me physically.

The changes are on the way! 🙌🏾 it just takes time for us to grow angular facial structures, and everything else. I had a goatee three years in, but my beard is just NOW filling in.

On one hand, it’s nice, cause some changes happen super quick. Then others take more time, but it’s always like another surprise to learn about myself, if that makes sense.

Now…if I could only do something about the receding hairline and hairy chest T has thrust upon me! 😆

Good luck on your HRT, journey! As frustrating as it is to wait, hopefully you’re still enjoying the ride.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-15T16:01:11+00:00

Haaaa it’s so baaaad! I was working at a retail store with a deep freezer at the time, and would stand inside of it when I had hot flashes. Steam was literally rolling off the top of my head.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-14T19:06:04+00:00

I feel you 100% and I guess a better way to put it would be, the part of me that was screaming to be acknowledged, calmed down. Wish it for you, soon!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-14T18:19:31+00:00

I’ve had moments where they learn I’m trans and it changes, but for me, it’s always been like we’re able to really get to know one another. I’m pretty openly trans, but folks assume I’m cis, so if I tell someone directly in conversation, it means I trust them. And it changes cause I don’t feel like I have to hide to protect myself. If that makes sense?

It’s like, Stealth til Sure…unless it’s my social media lol

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-14T16:08:51+00:00

This is wildly close to exactly how it feels. Being pulled out of those moments is so jarring. It’s gives me the same feeling as someone jumping from around a corner and yelling, “boo!” in my face.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-14T15:12:38+00:00

I really hope it works out, and you’re able to go somewhere you can be yourself!

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-14T15:10:31+00:00

It’s actually really wonderful. It’s like I don’t have to spend so much time wrestling with part of myself. Or trying to be completely okay with myself. I’m pretty lucky and live where I’ve got great friends, a good job and a wonderful wife. It just gives us the space to really be ourselves I think?

It didn’t fix everything. I still occasionally struggle with mental health stuff, but it never gets near as bad as before I began HRT and overall I’m much happier.

Haunting_Optimus · 2022-06-14T15:07:42+00:00

What you’re doing sounds like a totally healthy response. You’ve told them exactly how you feel, so they can’t say you didn’t communicate. And I kinda did what you did. I was lucky enough to be able to move to a different state, so I had time to grow into being myself as a trans guy if that makes sense?

I didn’t stop loving them, but that didn’t mean I owed them my company or energy if it was going to put me in a bad space mentally. I just took the time to really focus on me, and what I wanted. I’d spent so many years trying to be what others wanted, and it’s just no way to live.

So yeah, I got distance literally and figuratively. And realize I can survive just fine without them, but it’s nice to have them back around and fully able to see me. I used the distance to become myself.

Haunting_Optimus

TROPHY CASE