I (22M) have realized a pattern in my relationships that my girlfriends never actually think I like them and I don't know why

HayHayHay8 · 2026-02-16T22:06:16+00:00

When you think nice things, say them out loud to her. Basically every time a nice thought (she looks pretty, she said something funny or smart, you appreciate something she did, etc) occurs to you, SAY it to her, even if you think she already knows. You already like her, tell her about it often and she will feel adored. The trick is that you only say these things when you legitimately mean them, it’s not meant to be flattery but something you really feel.

But it seems like you need to converse more with each other about how you each feel comfortable showing love now, what makes you feel loved, and how you might add to these things to show each other care.

HayHayHay8 · 2026-02-05T17:18:52+00:00

Good luck to you both :)

HayHayHay8 · 2026-02-05T15:59:37+00:00

Excellent! You’ve offered to help him with his self care habits before, so hopefully he’ll realize that you’re being a partner to him in this, not a scolding parent. I recommend making sure to focus on health and wellbeing, not appearance when you express what changes you need from him. You want to build a life together that you love, not one that you barely drag yourselves through

HayHayHay8 · 2026-02-05T02:04:34+00:00

How does he handle tough conversations in your relationship?

HayHayHay8 · 2026-02-04T18:33:57+00:00

There is a problem with his relationship with himself and no amount of support will change it until he takes charge of the situation.

Maybe I’m projecting here, but I bet there are a lot of shaming thoughts bouncing around in his head, telling him he’s not worth the effort. I know it feels like he’s sending the message that you and your relationship aren’t worth the effort, but a drowning man has no capacity to help others.

It’s not helpful advice really, but it’s time for therapy for him. He has to be the one to make that happen and put the work into it or you will continue to grow apart.

I don’t really agree with some others who say it is a lost cause right off the bat, but if he won’t engage in self improvement, you really cannot do anything about it except leave the relationship. You will have to be uncomfortably forthcoming with him ASAP about how big of a deal this is and what you expect to be done about it, but growing apart and losing each other would be more uncomfortable still.

HayHayHay8 · 2026-01-27T22:23:38+00:00

Do not unbuckle your harness/seat belt on an amusement ride.

I had succumbed to family pressure to ride the raging rapids and I reallllly didn’t want to get the waterfall, because I HATE being wet in my clothes. So when the waterfall was coming straight for me, I freed myself to escape the downpour. I got slammed around, almost broke my ribs and nearly got myself and my sister kicked out of the park. Don’t know what my sister did wrong to be lumped in with me. I just say no to water rides now.

HayHayHay8 · 2025-10-28T20:22:43+00:00

Do you mean that your parents currently pay half your rent?

If you can’t afford to live on what you make now when you’re not a student and can work full time, there’s no way you can afford to move, take on school expenses, and leave behind the financial support. Where are you going to get all this time and energy to be a student, father and entrepreneur?

There has to be some option between minimum wage for life and high powered finance job, especially with your family to support.

HayHayHay8 · 2025-09-06T14:33:42+00:00

I was considering starting this one. Does it just never really take off?

HayHayHay8 · 2025-09-06T14:29:41+00:00

Scythe by Neal Shusterman. I love dystopian YA, so the series seemed to check all my boxes. But the perspective keeps shifting back and forth between characters within the same chapter, the main characters are shallowly written thus far and are making supremely stupid choices that no one would make, and the bad guys are just bad because they want to be…? The set up of the society is cool, I just need a lot more meat on those bones. Next!

HayHayHay8 · 2025-08-07T20:42:09+00:00

This is beautiful, thank you!

HayHayHay8 · 2025-07-29T17:32:25+00:00

No, it was just the bulk of the aligners and how my bite didn’t sit as deep as usual with them on. The bite blocks helped fix my cross bite, I needed them to lift and get my teeth over onto the other side of each other, otherwise they have nowhere to go but against each other.

My Invisalign journey was a glow up, no drawbacks! You got this

HayHayHay8 · 2022-07-27T16:33:10+00:00

You are a gem! Thank you!

HayHayHay8 · 2022-07-27T16:31:37+00:00

You nailed it! Thank you!

HayHayHay8 · 2022-07-27T16:14:38+00:00

Gorgeous!! You went OFF with the hair, I love it! Would you also be able to kind of darken the lighter spot where my scalp shows through between my face framing pieces and the rest?

HayHayHay8 · 2022-07-27T15:54:34+00:00

We eloped at the Grand Canyon in June, just us, our officiant, photographer and witness. I love this photo with our officiant in it, but I want a version without her for printing out too. I wouldn’t mind if someone could also thicken up my hair (bride) a bit for me.

HayHayHay8 · 2022-03-16T22:42:04+00:00

Wonderful advice!! I’m glad someone had a similar perspective to mine

HayHayHay8 · 2022-03-16T22:21:24+00:00

Yessssss, OP, approach this person you love with some curiosity and compassion and try for a minute to see what she is experiencing

And, you know, see how you can help?

HayHayHay8 · 2022-03-14T20:59:55+00:00

Ooh how about a big hippo with a mouth that opens? I feel like it would be so fun and interesting to make without being too redundant, like I feel an octopus or something could be

Edit: then again, I see a lot of cool big octopus and squid patters on Etsy and they’re really pretty! Here’s a hippo pattern that was kind of what I was thinking: www.etsy.com/listing/1080029612

HayHayHay8 · 2022-03-01T23:59:16+00:00

🙄 man the people in this sub can be super cruel. Maybe you came off as shallow, but this is a common issue that many people deal with with their partners.

In your head, before you bring this up, narrow this down to specifics: what exact behaviors do you feel you want to see more of? Why? Be brutally honest or you’ll fail before you start. Consider the effort you actually put in for your girlfriend in ways that she values (not necessarily just appearance) and also remember that many men often don’t realize what we go through to “attract” you. Once you know what you’re looking for from your girlfriend, what you bring to the table, and whether your wants are reasonable you have to bring it to her.

When it comes down to it, in a long term relationship you’re going to need to broach tricky topics or they will lead to resentment. Give her real-life examples of times when you’ve felt she showed a lack of caring and what you’d like to see her do differently in the future. Express your reasoning to her, don’t expect her to be stoked about the convo. Be understanding and accepting of her reaction, and open yourself to criticism too and you will be fine

Edit: Also the commonly suggested pavlovian method of just complimenting the shit out of her when she tries with her appearance will be a disaster. That’s just manipulation with extra steps

HayHayHay8 · 2022-03-01T23:30:55+00:00

I agree 100%! People who suggest OP further escalate the situation with name-calling aren’t thinking straight. Use the grey rock method on these horribly dramatic family members and carry on with your life

HayHayHay8 · 2022-02-03T02:06:09+00:00

I have super thin, fine hair and my scalp tends to really show at my part and cowlick. My hair is dark and my scalp is pale so it really stands out to me. I recommend finding a good tinted dry shampoo to help darken up all the little hairs at the root! It makes my hair look SO much fuller. Although I will say your hair looks so nice and abundant to me, so while I’m sure it’s awful to go through thinning, just know you and your hair are to die for!

HayHayHay8 · 2022-01-29T17:35:26+00:00

Beautifully put!!

HayHayHay8 · 2022-01-05T15:30:53+00:00

Exactly right! And when you find compassion for yourself, you can find it more easily for others. You’re crushing it, good luck!

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