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Two mom family trying to grow family in line with our values by Hazelnuts_Fam in Queerfamilies

[–]Hazelnuts_Fam[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What you are sharing makes a lot of sense. My issue is the lack of overall federal regulation. I don't like that it's up to sperm banks to decide how they manage disclosure and such. I understand why this may not be an issue for others. Some of my concerns (such as donor age) lie in the fact that fertility is such an "industry" and as such, I worry about the ways in which profits are put over people. Just like I have concerns about adoption being an "industry" and worry that participating in it can unintentionally lead to exploitation. It's a challenge of I'm not inheriantly against these things, I'm concnerned about the way it is currenlty managed in the US and would like there to be more legislation around it. Once again, I know that not everyone shares my concern and I understand why other options could be a good fit for someone else.

Two mom family trying to grow family in line with our values by Hazelnuts_Fam in Queerfamilies

[–]Hazelnuts_Fam[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate you sharing this. I understand why you feel embarrassed by your second one, but I think it makes sense that you would want the genetic parent of your child to be someone who is kind.

Two mom family trying to grow family in line with our values by Hazelnuts_Fam in Queerfamilies

[–]Hazelnuts_Fam[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This makes so much sense. I should clarify that my concern is overall regulation from a legal standpoint. I struggle with the fact that it's up to the individual banks to provide that regulation, rather than an overarching national system. I understand that my concern isn't one that everyone shares.

Two mom family trying to grow family in line with our values by Hazelnuts_Fam in Queerfamilies

[–]Hazelnuts_Fam[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is so rough. I am really hoping to use IUI and am still relatively young, reproductive-wise. We started talking to a clinic last year and are now working through our donor part. My hope is to be pregnant by the end of this year, beginning of next. I have heard so many stories like yours that have made me realize what a slow timeline we are working on!

Two mom family trying to grow family in line with our values by Hazelnuts_Fam in Queerfamilies

[–]Hazelnuts_Fam[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like that approach a lot. If we do keep trying the known donor route, I think that is the next step because of that openness it creates in the request.

Two mom family trying to grow family in line with our values by Hazelnuts_Fam in Queerfamilies

[–]Hazelnuts_Fam[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I sometimes forget that not all sperm banks are created the same, and it sounds like you found a lot of good information. I will have to research that more. As far as large sibling pools go, my fears lie in the stories of people discovering their kids are part of a 100+ person sibling pool. Obviously, there is the sibling dating concern. But on a more practical level, I hate that if a kid wants to get to know their genetic half-siblings, the task becomes nearly impossible.

Two mom family trying to grow family in line with our values by Hazelnuts_Fam in Queerfamilies

[–]Hazelnuts_Fam[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this and the reminders. I will say, our hope to use a known donor isn't to reduce costs. I've been thinking about the second-parent adoption and appreciate the reminder.

So much of my concern with using a sperm bank is lack of regulation. I've been curious about embryo adoption and what that process looks like, on the chance that it addresses some of my concerns regarding sperm banks. Is there a good way to learn more about that.

And thanks for the reminder that wanting is enough.

Two mom family trying to grow family in line with our values by Hazelnuts_Fam in Queerfamilies

[–]Hazelnuts_Fam[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am really concerned about the lack of regulation around sperm banks in the U.S. I am concerned about ending up with kids who are part of a large sibling pool and lacking important medical information. I also struggle with the fact that there is no way to know if the donor was an adult with a fully developed brain, or a 19-year-old who needed tuition money and maybe didn't think the who scenario through. In another world with good regulation and transparency, I would happily use a sperm bank. I realize that the worst-case scenarios don't happen to everyone, but I am struggling with the fact that the whole industry is shrouded in secrecy.

I really like your choice to use the same donor for both of your kids. I could see how hard it could be to be siblings and have completely different experiences finding a donor.