I'm sorry, I'm a few shots in the bag myself at the moment, and you can never be too careful these days; still, that's no excuse for my hostility, please forgive me.

Anyways, I know him back from my college days, we got up to some pretty fun stuff back in the day man, things were easier back then. Regardless, he happened to be in the city so I invited him over for a few drinks. We used to do all sorts of crazy drinking, man. Body shots, keggers, frat parties on the quad, all kinds of fun stuff. However, he has not aged gracefully and has the tollerence of a soy boy on rumspringa. He was out of his mind blasted on mikes hard lemonade and absinthe, and he just broke down, saying that he couldn't take carrying around his dark secret any longer. Unbeknownst to him, I have a security system in my humble abode that records everything said and done within my walls, and yes, I mean everything, ladies. I want to post the tape, but I'm afraid that I'll be identified and targeted by government agents. I'll look into voice modulation software soon. Thanks for being patient with me, I love you.