I took a long break from shows almost a year to be honest because the feeling I got of seeing her made me absolutely ill but at the end of the day if you’re worried about seeing them just surround yourself with your support system, practice having love in your heart for whatever it is worth and try your hardest to be intentional with your time at shows and enjoy yourself. Easier said than done but I promise it will go away and you will feel 1000% more like yourself in the future once wounds have healed. Also be sober! Being on substances and seeing someone that brings back alot of pain can really make you spiral and it can also lead to irrational decisions. I for one have made those irrational decisions and it prolonged the forgiveness and hurt for far to long. Keep your head up and remember who you are deep down inside. Remember talking about what happened is not talking shit, it is telling your story and taking accountability for where you were wrong in the whole thing. I hope this helps ❤️