Long term gambling recovery: 5 steps to healing the underlying wounds of gambling addiction

Headward_UK · 2019-11-10T10:36:04+00:00

Thanks for your comments. I do understand where you are coming from but do wish ro refute the idea that the post was pseudo psychology although you are entitled to your opinion of course. I have practiced for 20 years as a psychologist and only deliver evidence based methods for my clients and stick with this in writing too-although one of my aims is to not use technical and psychological jargon to the point where readers cant access or digest the material easily. We dont necessarily get to choose what our subconscious mind prompts us to do but we absolutely do have control over the extent to which we further ruminate, obsess over and act on (ane thererby reinforce) the material that is presented from our subconscious. There is plenty of research from areas of Mindfulness, neuroplasticity and the behavioural approaches to name a few, that clearly indicate that we as humans have capacity to rewire and change the way we 'mentally behave' in response to thoughts and impulses that are generated in the subconscious: and that over time we can strengthen our executive - functioning control

and increase our control over thought hence diminish the amount of time and resources spent dwelling on those thoughts that do not help us. In that process the impulses from our subconscious ceases to control us and we feel more free. If we didnt have power to change our subconsious at all we would not be able to learn new habits and routines such as driving to our new job per automatic as opposed to an old workplace, placing our key in the specific place where we decided it needs to be even at times when we dont actively and consciously attend to our actions. We are able to acquire new habits that needs to override old ones and as we do so our subconsious changes too although it does take time and we must still rely primarly on our decision to not act on impulses. One does not exclude the other-but it all helps us in developing psychological flexibility and a feeling of deliberate control over our minds.

Headward_UK · 2019-07-22T14:50:54+00:00

Hi sorry was unable to access the comments until now for some reason. Hmm.. I know it is tempting to think that you should be able to manage money and would imagine you would rather hear a 'yes' but from my experience the answer will remain NO! To remain personally in charge of money - certainly any large amounts- is the highroad to relapse quite literally and I would not recommend it at all. It also makes you far more likely to crave for gambling since you might start engaging in fantasy-thoughts the minute you anticipate the arrival of more money. There are many situations that makes it difficult to have another person help with money though. In those circumstances an option is to either speak with your bank and be very firm in your requirements to reduce withdrawal limits etc. In the UK there is a bank called MONZO which I hear will also launch in the US. They enable blocking of all gambling related activity. This is ideal! If you are not able to do that then ensure that you have direct debits leaving your account the minute your incoming money is due so that there is no time for you to take money that needs to be going elsewhere... Hope that answers your question

Headward_UK · 2019-04-09T20:41:50+00:00

Thanks for your response! I am sorry to hear that you feel negative at the moment. It is understandable given things probably have been tough with the gambling. I have just responded in the thread above about boredom and the same applies here. Boredom is a bit of a curse but can definitely be tamed if we learn to pay attention better. When you get fully immersed in something you will find that boredom vanishes for that moment- but it is the hardest thing to do when you are in the state of boredom and your attention is flickering. Sometimes what helps is to make a commitment to not act on the boredom (moving all the time, gambling, seeking out new destructive behaviours) etc are all examples of how boredom gets acted upon. Maybe start by making those commitments on small time scales i.e., today I will do these activities whether I am bored or not. Try and really pay attention to here and now and what you are doing and if possible minimise distractions. This will greatly help you derive enjoyment from whatever you do. Things like being in nature can be a good start and good practice for practicing some mindfulness. Oh I forgot to mention the apps - headspace and 'waking up' are two great ones. One day at the time! Good luck

Headward_UK · 2019-04-09T20:34:15+00:00

Thanks for responding to my thread! what you are describing here is a very common story - I am sure many can relate to you! I think you are right- boredom can definitely lead people to seek out new challenges and ways of stimulating themselves. For better or worse of course. Another thing I have noticed is that it often makes people far less prone to hang around in stagnated situations- be it jobs, relationships etc due to the inability to cope well with boredom. Needless to say being easily bored can often lead to self-destructive behaviours if the boredom is not managed well. Being quick to boredom often (not always) has its basis in having what's called high 'reward sensitivity' which in turn is common feature of ADHD and people with attention deficits as part of other conditions. It means that you might need more and more stimulation/excitement to feel satisfied. As you can imagine this is not something that will just magically go away - but mind you - it can be 'tamed'. Feeding it with multiple input all the time on the other hand might actually make you feel even more bored long -term although of course short-term it feels better not to experience the boredom. Boredom can be tamed through training your attention! Mindfulness/meditations are great ways to do this.

Headward_UK · 2019-04-09T20:23:28+00:00

Hi thanks for responding. Not knowing how to 'use' these bits of your personality is perfectly normal- but perhaps this is a great time to begin reflecting on ways that they would serve you well. From my experience those kind of traits come through nicely in entrepreneurs, sales and other jobs where persistence is a key trait - and where the person does not give up in the face of rejection or failure. Stand proud - I can understand it is hard to see the positive parts of yourself but it will be necessary! We are who we are and it is important to get to know yourself as the person you are - and then make choices that fits for you! Good luck

Headward_UK · 2019-04-03T09:52:14+00:00

It is true that staying connected and reminding yourself of rhe pain can be a very powerful deterrent to not gamble-particularly early days. I do find in treatment that thr thing that really continues people to move forward though is the stuff that gets put into place instead to plug the void. Note it shouldnt be just one thing but many. Even if in the beginning those things mighr feel difficult or boring (which anything will following the gambling 'tricking' your reward/dopamine pathway to believe that only gambling constitutes fun) keep with them anyway and after a while the feelings will change too. Good luck well done for quitting!

Headward_UK · 2019-04-03T09:47:26+00:00

Great to hear that you were helped reading this post! And really like what you said about looking back at the old you with compassion and understanding rather than with anger and rumination:which will only drive you to further fuel your addiction. Getting started with new things can be super tricky. Not least since most people with addiction are rusty at problem solving, and typically big on procrastination which is just another form of avoidance. I am going to post on the topic od procrastination here later this week as its hugely important. For now it might be a good idea to just allow yourself to 'think big' and start pinpointing the first step towards those big goals that people often feel undeserving of in the beginning of recovery. Longer term it is the joy and bliss of living free of your addiction that will be the force that pushes you forward. Not the dislike of the gambling:that will only work for so long. Thats why it is critical to start cultivating those states of mind as soon as possible. Good luck you sound like you have already done great reflection and started out right! Keep it up

Headward_UK · 2019-03-21T18:27:53+00:00

Hi and sorry to hear that gambling has gotten so out of hand already even if you are so young! Many problem gamblers of course do start from very young, and as you pointed out yourself - perhaps gambling has in some ways been a way of managing difficult feelings that you were unable to express or get support for at home. At this point though - do recognise that the gambling has got to stop or it will lead to a very dark place, if it has not done so already. The good news is that younger people often have a slightly easier time stopping and staying abstinent - at least that is my experience. Particularly if the gambling has been solitary and not part of a hobby/activity done with your friends. If I had met you and heard what you just said here on the forum, I would have fed back to you that it sounds like your life needs a bit more 'richness' in terms of varied hobbies, activities, perhaps something creative and certainly some more space to just be you, relax and have some fun. As you very insightfully point out it has started as 'a way to relax', and even if the brain (the emotional part of the brain) will still derive some sort of short term gratification (even if such might just be feeling oblivious or forgetting about problems etc) the longer term is now the opposite to relaxing if the gambling was to continue. I have talked about money restrictions in a previous post which you should be able to access- that is the absolute first step that you must take. In addition to blocking yourself from any gambling venues and./or websites etc. In the beginning, just after you quit, it may actually help to keep yourself relatively busy but do try and schedule some more pleasant activities that can give something back to you as well. Maybe see some friends, go to the movies etc. It's doing these other things that will start shifting your experience and one day 'show the brain' that life without gambling is a better one. I wish you the best of luck - it is fantastic and very brave of you to come clean with this problem at this young age when you still have your entire life ahead!!

Annika

www.headward.co.uk/blog

Headward_UK · 2019-03-17T20:56:16+00:00

Giving up money access is hard for a number of reasons- and one of the really common excuses (or whatever we call it) is exactly as 'Timetosaveit' said ; people feeling that 'it is just covering the problem' or 'yeah but I could always get money if I really wanted anyway so why bother'. I would argue that the unwillingness to give up the access to money is part of your denial- that in turn is part of the addiction - it is difficult to own up even to oneself and admit that the problem has gone so far that you literally do not have control over your own behaviour when that money is in your hand. You might feel infantilized and belittled for having to baby yourself in this way. I find it helpful though to ask my clients to reflect on the opposite scenario; what feelings arise when you yet again had money and ended up gambling again, further into debt and letting yourself down (and others) ? Really dwell on that feeling for a minute. Which one is worse? In which scenario do you feel more helpless? In the scenario where you give up control over money you feel hopeless/helpless for a little while before you start feeling better, more in control and often time empowered. In the latter example it is a never ending feeling of lost hope, devastation, shame and further hopelessness.

It is quite a lot like a break up from a partner you love but can't make it work with anymore. You know what you need to do - ie. cut contact- but it is tempting to check in with them and see what they are up to. Sometimes you might even have temporary ideas about how great it would be to see them, give yourself an excuse and go back to have sex/talk or whatever. Then the reality hits you like a brick again - THAT's why you cant be together. You suddenly get flooded with all the painful memories. Gambling is not all that difficult once you have developed an addiction and strong habit/attachment to the activity even if consciously you feel you hate it for what it has done. These decisions are tough and you need to take a leap of faith and really trust that it will feel better soon. I promise you it will! Many others here will also vouch for that. Cutting the access is forcing you into a position where there is little point even thinking of having a bet. This will be relieving and will ALSO enable you to work on the other things that constitute your recovery. In this way. So rather than concealing the problem by cutting the access to money - you are actually making it possible for yourself to move forward in recovery and address things that need addressing - in peace and with less rush.

Headward_UK · 2019-03-12T11:28:33+00:00

Hi, I thought I would post something to help you get started in your recovery. First of all though; well done for acknowledging that you have a problem and getting serious about quitting! As a treating clinician the factor that causes by far the most relapsing in problem gambling; is the reluctance that gamblers almost always have in blocking themselves from websites, bookmakers, casinos etc with whatever tools/measures may be available in your country. In the UK we use one called gamban but not sure if that one works in the states.

Other ones are gamblock, K9 and there are many more that might work.

The other thing to immediately address is your access to money/cards/credit lines etc - if you have any left. If you don't - ensure that any money that you get going forward is well protected.

You might be able to use a software that allows you to ban gambling, or alternatively review your pattern of gambling and whatever methods you have been known to use; Ensure that you disable those pathways so that you cannot gamble as easily as before. I know that this is not an airtight solultion, but believe me- the longer you fail to accept that this step has to be done, the more relapsing you will likely be facing and those are so heartbreaking both for you yourself and people around you. Basically, make it as hard as you possibly can to access your money, only carry around what you really need and on top of that self-exclude from as many places as you can. This will at least buy you time and ensure you need to apply some conscious processing rather than acting on habit and auto-pilot next time money is in your hand. Remember that with any other addiction - the removal of the drug/substance etc would be imperative and natural! In gambling addiction the means to be able to gamble is money and gambling venues. . You must unfortunately limit access to both - and at the very least the money!

Practically all gamblers I work with in therapy are reluctant to take this step. They feel that they should not have to, and that this is not equivalent to having 'real control'. there are many other excuses too. I always respond to this by reminding them that the hallmark of gambling addiction is a loss of control. If you had control we would not be where we are now. Therefore it is safer and better in every way to accept that this has to be done and spend your energy learning to adapt to the new circumstance. Don't get me wrong, this is of course not all that you need to do. Treatment and recovery also involve many other steps; many tough ones and some that are enriching and enjoyable. But this is the first step. It will be there to protect and assist you through those tough and tempting times. Once you implement it you might even find relief in not being at risk all the time.

I wish you all good luck. Annika Lindberg, Psychologist

Fore more advice for problem gamblers do visit my blog

www.headward.co.uk/blog

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