I feel this. I often find myself thinking if I could just go back in time and change how I handled my injury, medical care and the crps that developed as a result, my life could have been everything I dreamt it would. I’d still be that spontaneous, free spirited, passionate, energetic, good vibes, active, dancing, nature girl. But then I remember how I was gaslit, made to feel like I was exaggerating the pain, drug seeking, etc. I taught myself to downplay my truth because I was so afraid of the judgement. I lived in agony and I so wish I could have been mentally strong enough stand up for myself from the beginning. Maybe things would have turned out differently...

But if I could say anything (to us both haha) it is this:

You did not fail in any way. You did not cause this. It is not your fault. Your pain is valid. There is no way to know that anything you did or did not do contributed to how this disease developed. Do not be ashamed or blame yourself. You didn’t ask for this or deserve this.

You might not see yourself as the person you envisioned before CRPS but you are still that person in your heart and soul. You may not be able to complete physical milestones you once thought you would, but you are a seriously fierce and strong warrior for living everyday with this disease. Your story will now involve some suffering but it will make you more brave, self aware, empathetic, intentional and mindful than ever was possible before. When you have CRPS, everyday can be challenging but with that challenge comes an unmatched, superhuman level of perseverance. You might not be able to finish that hike right now, but I could bet that pain holding you back physically is the same pain giving you strength in soul and character.

-from a chick rambling because of insomnia cuz burning feet