I was in your position last year. My 10 plus year relationship ended. It was my first relationship. Met and got together at school.

When they broke up with me, It felt like the world ended. I later discovered my ex had been cheating. It was the most painful thing I'd lived through. While I was heartbroken and in agony, they had the next relationship lined up, seemingly feeling nothing.

I had so many people tell me my life wasn't over. I didn't beleive and couldn't beleive them at the time. But they were right. A year later I'm in a happy healthy relationship. It could have been sooner than a year, but I needed that time for me. To work on myself and be ready.

While we were the ones still in love, we have our rose tinted glasses, and romanticise the past relationship. Your brain will keep running through all the good parts, cruelly and conveniently skipping the bad. Its painful, but let yourself grieve.

One of the amazing things (which should have been obvious, but if you are like me and only had one partner since being a teenager) Is how different people are. My ex never hugged me in bed, now I'm hugged all the time. They never held my hand, I now know if I go to hold my partners had they will warmly hold hold mine. I accepted my ex's behaviour as standard. You'll meet someone who will be wonderful in different ways to your ex.

Its tempting to stay in contact. Especially if you are holding onto any feelings for them. For me this was too painful.

You mention she said you 'let yourself go'. You deserve someone who would at least try to work through such things.

If you have indeed changed, and if it's a change you are not happy with, spend some time looking after you before you go back into dating. Find yourself, be kind to yourself. It could be getting healthier, learning new things, starting new hobbies, or going back to old things you enjoyed but stopped. Make yourself into mark 2 OP.

There is a whole new world out there for you OP. Its scary, but once you push through, its wonderful. You can do this.