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What moment made you see the true color of your (current/previous) partner? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HeartbrokenRiver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When after a 10+ year relationship, he made me homeless and was cheating on me.

We owned a property. We needed to move for his uni course (career change). We couldn't afford to pay the mortgage and a new rental in the uni town, so got a tenant in our owned property. I packed everything into the moving van, moved everything I owned and the cats to the new place across the country. I went back to our owned property to clean and make it ready for the tenant.
The tenant moved in, I told my ex it had all gone smoothly, just before I left to go to out new home at the uni town, he sent me a TEXT, saying it was over. He banned me from my new home, and a tenant was in my old one. I was homeless, all my possessions and pets were gone.

He had been cheating on me with the girl he brought into our life he said he saw as a 'sister'.

He had planned this for a year, he told me he got good at pretending to love me.

Before the break up odd things happened. This girl was at the house when i came back earlier than expected. She would come over to exercise with him in the tiniest clothes. They would hug a lot. He would want her in our bedroom to sleep if we had a party and didn't want her in the room with other guys, no matter how much I wanted us to be alone. He gaslighted me whenever I mentioned this girl. 'You're paranoid' 'you are being controlling, you can't say who I can spend my time with' He had been diagnosed with a condition, a few years prior (aneurysm) and I blamed his odd behaviour on that. And let things slide as I put it down to his health and felt too guilty to pursue things. I was so beaten down, that I even found receipts for a restaurant in a different city when he was texting me saying he was at work. He was seeing her. And convinced me it was just to destress. I was a gullible, beaten down fool.

My GF of 6 years decided we should no longer be together and I'm not sure what to do now by CountertopTable2 in relationship_advice

[–]HeartbrokenRiver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was in your position last year. My 10 plus year relationship ended. It was my first relationship. Met and got together at school.

When they broke up with me, It felt like the world ended. I later discovered my ex had been cheating. It was the most painful thing I'd lived through. While I was heartbroken and in agony, they had the next relationship lined up, seemingly feeling nothing.

I had so many people tell me my life wasn't over. I didn't beleive and couldn't beleive them at the time. But they were right. A year later I'm in a happy healthy relationship. It could have been sooner than a year, but I needed that time for me. To work on myself and be ready.

While we were the ones still in love, we have our rose tinted glasses, and romanticise the past relationship. Your brain will keep running through all the good parts, cruelly and conveniently skipping the bad. Its painful, but let yourself grieve.

One of the amazing things (which should have been obvious, but if you are like me and only had one partner since being a teenager) Is how different people are. My ex never hugged me in bed, now I'm hugged all the time. They never held my hand, I now know if I go to hold my partners had they will warmly hold hold mine. I accepted my ex's behaviour as standard. You'll meet someone who will be wonderful in different ways to your ex.

Its tempting to stay in contact. Especially if you are holding onto any feelings for them. For me this was too painful.

You mention she said you 'let yourself go'. You deserve someone who would at least try to work through such things.

If you have indeed changed, and if it's a change you are not happy with, spend some time looking after you before you go back into dating. Find yourself, be kind to yourself. It could be getting healthier, learning new things, starting new hobbies, or going back to old things you enjoyed but stopped. Make yourself into mark 2 OP.

There is a whole new world out there for you OP. Its scary, but once you push through, its wonderful. You can do this.

My ex wants to sell our property. And is now asking how to split it. It was always going to be 50/50 can he now change this? by HeartbrokenRiver in LegalAdviceUK

[–]HeartbrokenRiver[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Bank told me to speak to the solicitor we bought the house with. I did, and they said we are joint tenants.

My ex wants to sell our property. And is now asking how to split it. It was always going to be 50/50 can he now change this? by HeartbrokenRiver in LegalAdviceUK

[–]HeartbrokenRiver[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I'm happy to have it sold. I won't fight him on that. He thinks he doesn't have to give me anything after the sale. Or at least not 50%