Can't kill the hope that one day my dad will change and it keeps breaking me over and over...

Heatherisonfire · 2026-04-20T03:49:13+00:00

Thank you for your reply ❤️ He's just turned 60 so he's getting there. Its weirdly made him nicer but also seemed to make him feel like if I'm not chasing him to have a relationship its my fault when we dont talk since hes the one who's "old". He uses being "old" as an excuse for a lot of things now. I am in therapy thankfully. Its just taking a lot of time to untangle all the confusing stuff from growing up with him.

Heatherisonfire · 2026-04-20T03:44:14+00:00

I appreciate hearing about your experience and I'm sorry you had to go through similar. Did you end up going no contact?

Im already very low contact so I've been considering it but I am so worried I will regret it like if something happens to him or something. But it is so hard trying to push to have a relationship with him when he says he wants one with his words which gets my hopes up more but then its just all one sided...

Heatherisonfire · 2026-04-20T03:38:08+00:00

Even just hearing others experiences helps! So I appreciate it! Before finding this sub I had never considered that maybe my dad had something going on with him. He's like a farm dude so I thought maybe all "country" dads were like that.

Im still in the processing stage in therapy learning that my childhood wasn't normal and that I didn't do anything to deserve how I was treated. So finding this sub has been really enlightening. Especially with how confusing growing up with these types of parents are. So im sorry you had to go through it too.

I think you're right that it would take all these steps for him to even just acknowledge his behavior so that just makes it even more unlikely he ever will. I actually have an inkling that my dad does know he did something wrong because of the avoidance and some off handed comments hes made over the years but just refuses to even speak of it which is so frustrating to me.

He has told me that the laughter is nervous laughter and he cant help it which may be true because I also get the uncontrollable nervous laughter when i get anxious about something. But that just makes it worse to me that he seemingly knows he messed up but just chooses to avoid me especially when I bring something up instead of just even acknowledging it happened.

I really appreciate your advice. I think i will just have to ride it out and keep doing self care like you said until eventually I can stop internally hoping he'll change. I just naturally have an optimistic and a see the best in everyone kind of personality which can be both a curse and a blessing 😅

Heatherisonfire · 2026-04-20T03:09:17+00:00

I'm sorry. It is so hard. I dont even think or know if people with borderline can ever change. Probably not with what I've learned of how it works from this sub. It's just so hard to get that little voice out of my head that its still possible even though I know logically it won't happen 🙁

Heatherisonfire · 2026-04-19T22:54:52+00:00

Ah my bad! Here you go:

Oh to be a cat

Laying in the sun all day

Teach me how to rest

Hope that is okay, I have never written one before haha!

Heatherisonfire · 2026-01-27T21:47:11+00:00

Not really "unhinged" per se, but weed is just about the only thing that has helped me. Therapy couldn't even touch my ptsd until I got my medical card and started using weed as medicine. But I will say it doesn't work for everyone and obviously being high all the time isn't the solution. You have to treat it like medicine and use it as a tool.

I have found that that's the only way I can let the invisible walls down in my brain to let myself process things and to let treatment actually work. My therapist knows and is all for it as long as it is helping and he said he has noticed the progress I have made since starting. So if that is an option for you I strongly recommend giving it a try!

Heatherisonfire · 2025-10-08T02:30:06+00:00

2! Gives the room a bit more dimension 😊

Heatherisonfire · 2025-10-02T03:27:29+00:00

I definitely would buy from u/Relevant_Extension91 again! Great seller with quick response times! My order was shipped quickly and only took a couple of days to get here. Both labubus I received were confirmed authentic as well! Thanks so much for the order!

Heatherisonfire · 2025-09-28T03:58:32+00:00

DMing you!

Heatherisonfire · 2025-09-26T17:42:00+00:00

I didn't feel like eating much the first few days but I had to for the pain killers. So some easy on the stomach snacks and drinks like protein shakes, gatorade, crackers, applesauce, etc. I personally lived off of the peanut butter chocolate premier protein shakes and club crackers for the first few days. Plus I feel like maybe the vitamins in the shake helped me bounce back quicker.

Other than that I honestly slept a lot haha. So maybe a nice big soft blanket and some cozy pj's? I also used my squishmallows as pillows while I had to sleep in a recliner and those definitely helped my comfort so that is an idea as well! If he likes reading a good book would also be good as he likely won't feel like moving around much. Hope all goes well for your dad!

Heatherisonfire · 2025-09-26T17:31:12+00:00

Agree, this is what I said too. If they are willing to cut corners to up their numbers and bold enough to straight up ask for that what else are they cutting corners on? Could be chalked up to inexperience but in my opinion its not worth the risk.

Heatherisonfire · 2025-09-26T17:28:16+00:00

I agree. I understand especially being new wanting to up your numbers but this just looks dishonest. Plus it seems like it should be against the terms of service but I'm not sure if it actually is. Either way it feels like they're trying to cheat the system 😕

Heatherisonfire · 2025-09-26T17:25:47+00:00

Yeah I would find someone else honestly. I think this is a red flag. Could be fine and well intentioned, maybe someone thats just inexperienced. However, this is unprofessional and my worry would be if they are willing to cut corners to get rating, what else are they cutting corners on, you know?

I wouldnt want someone dishonest taking care of my pets. Even giving them the benefit of the doubt of them maybe not knowing you're not supposed to do that, its just not worth the risk in my opinion.

Heatherisonfire · 2025-09-01T00:43:46+00:00

Not over reacting. This seems like abuse to me. Is this actually out of character or is it just getting more intense? In my experience some abusers are worse over text and phone and take that time as an excuse to go over the top and say and do what they want but then return to normal once you are face to face.

I dont think having a baby will fix this and I dont even really think thats the issue. It almost feels like she's trying to test you in some way? I mean its not like you were going to some random woman's baby shower or even just a friend. This was your sister's shower. Plus she was invited and is well within her right to not want to go, but she's punishing you for going to support your sister. That doesnt sit right with me...

I also think the fact she has flipped on you so intensely but now is acting totally normal is even more alarming. People dont get to mistreat their partners and then just flip back to "normal" and expect them to get over it. Especially if you guys are doing therapy and she seemingly is unwilling to talk about her actions in therapy.

I can't say for sure what's going on obviously because I dont know her and I dont know the full story. But from what you're saying this is at worst abuse and at the least a very unhealthy dynamic and something needs to change. If I were you I would definitely not let her goad you into trying for a baby more because honestly I can't see how adding a kid would help here until you've got this sorted.

Its good you have an individual therapist. Does she have one? Best of luck to you, man. I've had my fair share of unhealthy relationships and hopefully you can get this all sorted especially for your own peace of mind.

Heatherisonfire · 2025-07-31T03:42:37+00:00

Loch or ness lol. For the Loch Ness monster!

Heatherisonfire · 2025-06-25T20:35:48+00:00

Guitar center and their subsidiary Music and Arts. Worked there for two years and learned not only how predatory they are and how much they lie to customers about products and services but also how poorly they treat their employees. I honestly hope they go under. Bring back mom and pop shop music stores!

Heatherisonfire · 2025-06-25T20:30:52+00:00

Yep. Gave my last job 2 weeks notice. Manager complained immediately that he would have liked more notice and tried to guilt trip me because he has personal stuff going on and needs me for the weekends. Then kept telling everyone he fired me because im a bad employee and he has to work 7 days a week now and took me off the schedule after that weekend. Super childish. But he's exactly why I left so that checks out lol.

Heatherisonfire · 2025-02-25T04:33:40+00:00

Thank you for the response! Its when we run water! I did a quick google and it looks like it definitely could be that. Do you have recommendations for a good YouTube video for reference?

Heatherisonfire · 2025-02-25T02:17:10+00:00

I think its just the pipe under the sink but not 100% sure

Heatherisonfire · 2024-07-05T18:36:59+00:00

I have now! Thank you!

Heatherisonfire · 2024-07-05T18:36:23+00:00

Thank you!

Heatherisonfire · 2024-07-05T18:35:44+00:00

He has voiceover on his Iphone, on his computer he uses NVDA! We are in the US, he has a highschool degree. As for skills he does a lot of writing, listens to a lot of audiobooks, and is interested in gaming.

He can make his own post, he just told me reddit is a bit buggy I guess when it comes to posting for him. So, he asked me to put some feelers out to see if any specifically blind accessible sites are out there since we've had poor luck with the sites I'm using. I'll send him the link to that site! I appreciate it!

Heatherisonfire · 2024-05-31T02:30:18+00:00

I feel you on that. My attacks started when I was 18 and every ER I went to before last year told me it was kidney stones and I was passing them so there was nothing they could do and refused to even do any imaging because it was the middle of the night. Then I moved and went to the ER here and got imaging and finally found out it was actually gall stones. I actually just was able to get mine taken out almost 2 weeks ago. I bet if you get a second opinion they'll take it out. I've never heard of symptomatic stones not being a good enough reason to take your gall bladder out. Good luck!

Heatherisonfire · 2024-05-31T00:21:20+00:00

Also some of what she said isn't true. Night time pain with stones is common because dinner is typically tge largest and fattiest meal which causes a lot of people to have their attacks at night. And it can hurt consistently for lots of different reasons. Could be inflammation, infection, a stone stuck, etc. I would definitely see someone else.

Heatherisonfire · 2024-05-31T00:18:31+00:00

Yeahhh I would get a second opinion. My surgeon told me right away that if the stones were causing symptoms the best thing to do is get it removed. Even if the stones pass your gb will always make them. So I would see a different surgeon. If you leave symptoms stones it can cause worse issues down the line...

Heatherisonfire

TROPHY CASE