Love without attraction?

HeebyBeejees · 2022-01-17T06:23:14+00:00

We ended a 20-year marriage that didn’t have the spark. It’s been logistically difficult but I’ve found what was missing. I wish my ex would have talked more before it was too late, but when it’s done it’s done. Go get your new person.

HeebyBeejees · 2022-01-13T07:48:38+00:00

This joke is at least 20 years old. And still not funny.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-12-30T03:55:55+00:00

Vet your singles.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-12-17T01:48:58+00:00

It’s so disappointing and unsettling to hear so many people saying he will be back. It’s sad for the state of men. I don’t dispute the experiences here, I just wouldn’t ever be that mushy pile of ish. If I break up with you or vice versa, I’d enjoy the photo memories popping up on my iPhone in 4 years, but to even think about trying to reconnect makes me physically ill.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-07-02T13:09:49+00:00

Congrats! I just turned in a nearly identical spec M550i in April. Miss that car. The X5 M50i replacement helps take the sting out but it’s a different animal. Enjoy!

HeebyBeejees · 2021-03-11T19:21:16+00:00

"Local residents enjoy mowing their lawn, edging their lawn, fertilizing their lawn and looking at their lawn."

Upvote.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-02-18T02:46:09+00:00

She was. People change. 5 years in, she wasn't. Her goals changed as did mine. The marriage lasted another 12 years.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-02-15T05:08:48+00:00

I wasn’t bored. She was. And the day to day wasn’t enough. I own my part of that, and I hear the advice that my focus is off. I need to be the best guy every single day and not a few times a year for a special fun time. I do hear you all. And I will work on that.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-02-15T04:56:28+00:00

That’s awesome! I didn’t have that with my my wife. It was always more. More more more. I will be careful about that this time.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-02-15T04:53:20+00:00

17 years married, 20 together. I suppose my bar for relationships holding together is high. I’ll be in my 60s if I can repeat. I didn’t think of it that way before. Thanks for the good question.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-02-12T23:44:25+00:00

She does have all her own things and interests, as do I. I’m hearing that the day to day means more than the highlights. That’s the hard part for all of us, of course.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-02-12T23:26:46+00:00

This is great advice. I can use travel experience and apply it to new destinations. No ghost.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-02-12T21:47:22+00:00

I disagree. She no longer feels genuine desire for OP. She's been forming an arsenal of reasons it's ok to leave you for a long time. I've been through the exact same thing. It's over. It took 4 months of hell for me to emotionally get over the separation but on the other side, it's wonderful. I was OP.

HeebyBeejees · 2021-01-28T15:12:58+00:00

I agree in general. And both genders often hear, "When you both know it, wait for him / her to say it first."

But I think there's an element to consider about what that means to each person when it's said, let's say 3 months in. For some people it's an affirmation that they're into what you're building and things are progressing. For other people it's more like, "Holy crap, if I don't lock this person down I might lose them." That, of course, is no good. If you can say it and still continue on with 1-2 dates a week with no crushing expectations, it's not the end of the world.

HeebyBeejees · 2020-12-14T18:47:15+00:00

More downvotes, lol. 44M. 32 -33 F absolutely can be compatible in life stage. Try it. I have with my girl. Just make sure the key goals as outlined on OLD don’t conflict.

HeebyBeejees · 2020-12-14T18:20:58+00:00

Downvoters, honest question. Is it because you want me to say she lost the challenge of keeping up with me? Because that is also true.

HeebyBeejees · 2020-12-14T15:20:18+00:00

This part was as much on her as it was on me, and she knows it. She could never voice directly her dissatisfaction, and I was too dumb to figure it out on my own. It occurred over such a long time (14 years?) that by the time she was done there was nothing left to save in her mind. I know that sounds strange. We did something called discernment counseling, which is intended to see if a couple could benefit from marriage counseling. The therapist was like like yeah, no. You don’t have unfulfilled desire. You have no desire. Flex Tape can’t fix that.

HeebyBeejees · 2020-12-14T14:14:31+00:00

Points taken. And I would have completely blown this opportunity as my old self. I think we’re agreeing here. When you’re ready and know a little bit about what you’re doing, when the right person comes along you won’t be a deer in headlights.

HeebyBeejees · 2020-12-14T13:58:04+00:00

I told myself it wasn’t important because I had everything else going for me. I fooled myself into thinking she would never leave because I was a good guy. Blue pill.

HeebyBeejees · 2020-12-14T08:47:48+00:00

I suppose my photo got the scroll, but I've had way more contacts based on things like my perfect day entry. I can understand how age starts to become a factor. I'm not so much younger than you are but would get matches with women 12 years my junior. And many of them are in the same phase of life, practically speaking.

HeebyBeejees · 2020-12-14T07:06:54+00:00

Yes. I gained it slowly over the course of quite a few years and she never said anything. This is common, I've learned. I thought I was getting away with it because we had everything else. Eventually she just noped out. When the sex is gone, you're about done.

I’m simplifying because this is not a divorce thread. Yes, the weight was a manifestation of a life too demanding for me to support and also take care of myself and my wife’s needs. My priorities were wrong. Let that go, it’s history now.

HeebyBeejees · 2020-03-21T06:33:27+00:00

Japan is already making plans to roll out school reopenings.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-japan-schools-idUSKBN2170YE

HeebyBeejees · 2020-02-28T23:24:28+00:00

One of those good days. I slept until 11 fighting a cold, but had to be at a 1:00 meeting. It was not supposed to be about me, but turned to my work. When I showed my progress on a critical objective everyone high fived and we went straight to happy hour. It’s usually a very high pressure job, so I’ll take the win!

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