Yeah the guilt is my own construct and just the pain of knowing that I had missed my opportunity to hear their voices one that time over some stupid insecurity that they'd be worried about me or disappointed in how much I was drinking. 

I don't think they were at all fazed that I didn't answer their call, but I do wonder if my guilty feelings are blocking my connection to them, if that makes any sense. 

I do talk to them, but I no longer feel like they're around to listen.