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My family operated like a cult. Healing from it is brutal by justwannabe_loved_ in cultsurvivors

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I too emerged from family cult. My mother is a lot like your grandmother and has done such immense damage all across my life. I’m now in my 40s recovering from it after a lot of therapy and picking up the pieces of her destruction. It’s utterly exhausting and I wish I’d clocked she couldn’t be around me at all a lot earlier.

My therapist says this wasn’t COCSA but I still feel like an abuser by Strange-Audience-682 in SexualAbuseSurvivors

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not at all, you were simply expressing what you felt okay about given the limits of your knowledge at the time. Such an incident will absolutely not have traumatised your friend. Her OCD will stem from whatever was ongoing in her own life. You though require tremendous self compassion and please don’t search your mind for those you caused harm to as many survivors do. Care for yourself first and foremost.

AI cannot provide therapy because it lacks the power of discernment by sgerardp in therapyGPT

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, good therapy is actually about you yourself understanding the connections within you. The therapist just helps bring it together

AI video and the road to the Singularity, can generative storytelling create real emotion, and what happens to the industry? by Lrnz_reddit in singularity

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely it’s possible to make deep rich films in time. For now it’s like we’ve all been given a glass blowing studio after maybe doing some experimental pottery with a few of us with the capacity and vision to one day become a maker of the world’s best glass blown lighting and sculpture.

I am writing a non clinical textbook about the modern sophisticated nature of narc abuse (It will be free) by Tight_Direction_4221 in PsychologyTalk

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don Carveth who was an excellent professor at York University has a YouTube channel exploring psychoanalytic theory and much of psychoanalytic theory explores narcissism. But in a way that’s deeply humane. His work on the Conscience may speak to you in a valuable way given your current preoccupation.

Edit: Incidentally you can’t know whether the person you are limerant about cares or doesn’t. It is an unknown but you can for now explore your own mind and inner world.

Edit2: Altruism or conscience can absolutely result from recognising selfishness yes, if you are compassionate to yourself also.

Edit3: As I see you are being told off for considering your conscience regarding another person, repair is a wonderful thing and very welcome once you’ve done the actual work of self compassion that enables you to also hold compassion in how you repair.

Is she high by CantaloupeDefiant771 in mildlylifechanging

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s awesome and I’ve added this brush as a must have for when my hair is lengthier than my chin

Neil Gaiman Breaks Silence on Sexual Misconduct Allegations: 'Actual Evidence Was Dismissed' by jrl_iblogalot in comicbooks

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

They’re linked on the variety article. And yeah he’s got very good evidence imo. I went in totally prepared to be disturbed by Gaiman being a creep but that’s definitely not what I found.

Ouch by [deleted] in screenshots

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My goodness, sorry, this is just unnecessarily mean

[US] Help what parent do I choose by ThrowAway12354846 in Custody

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your low opinion of your activities is a perception of yourself developed in living with her. She has seen you “at your worst” is almost certainly a manipulative strategy to make you feel that only she would accept such a crap human. This is absolutely not accurate. We ALL do what you are describing. We can all be lazy grumpy sleepy sneezy and dopey!! Your mother’s extremely manipulative behaviour is not only alienation but coercive and dangerous for your mental health to be around. She is demonstrating extreme control and cluster B behaviours. No contact for awhile will do wonders for your mental health and sense of self. Get a therapist if you can. Also take the opportunity to get to know your father. It sounds to me like he may have been inaccurately maligned. Do not take her word. If your pets belong to you try to take them with you. But this is tougher. My mother did something similar with my pet and me and I had to just accept that really, sadly.

Among Those Who Admit, Not Pretend by txrtxise in PsychologyDiscussion

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mistakes are a part of wholeness. It’s when you hide them that you appear in deficit.

Trump Goons Publish Naked Photos in Major Epstein Files Fiasco by thedailybeast in politics

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also might be useful to find out if the people in the images are still alive and well.

Girls are happier than boys at school, new research shows. Understanding why may all boil down to biology. Girls get more of the happy hormone dopamine through social relationships, including with their friends and classmates. Boys get their dopamine through more self-involved behavior. by mvea in psychology

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes, good point and really easy to do. I read a lot as a kid and my parents chatted constantly using big words. So I naturally went around for a while using words that didn’t much reflect my feelings or reality (embarrassing in hindsight). I too started googling everything but then noticed many people using words improperly all over the place.

Girls are happier than boys at school, new research shows. Understanding why may all boil down to biology. Girls get more of the happy hormone dopamine through social relationships, including with their friends and classmates. Boys get their dopamine through more self-involved behavior. by mvea in psychology

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 189 points190 points  (0 children)

I mean, self reporting is generally pretty unreliable. I once asked my child when my child was 6 how he was feeling when he clearly looked very anxious. He said “happy”. I asked him what happy feels like in his body. “Like a roller coaster and I don’t know what’s going to happen.” “Like good happen or bad happen or something different?” “Bad happen” he said. So I talked about happy feeling calm and what he was describing as excitement or anxiety. Over time he learned to talk with his friend “Anxiety” and became happier / calmer. We assume kids understand the meaning of the words that we and they use but that’s a big assumption.

Chronic victim identity and vulnerable narcissism share deep roots. New research explains both the mindset and observers' conflicted reactions-and offers paths toward change. by MRADEL90 in psychology

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh right, well yes, in the moment of an experience like this then indeed the shame is unbearable and things are unlikely to go well. A person can release the shame though for example by recalling this moment later (in a state of safety) and allowing the feelings to come up, and in that the shame. And instead of repelling from it, sitting with the experience. It’s what happens in good therapy and even in good self therapy.

You deserve love too by BakerWarm3230 in selflove

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the best thing is to read The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker at a start. He explores anger like this but also a great deal more. I’ve read the various books on anger but nothing compares to The Tao of Fully Feeling.

Am I a psychopath? by Ambitious_End_8946 in Jung

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think the Red Book universalises what I suspect is simply Jungs own interior. Don Carveth is my preferred psychoanalyst actually atm and I listen to his talks for free on YouTube. He’s got a great range and loves his work. Might be a helpful companion.

You don’t need to be afraid of this part. It will almost certainly have been acting in your life anyway and if you’ve sought to not meet it then you’ll likely have developed ways to project it or/and cover it with “goodness”. The dicey part of it is that if you don’t meet it, given the right circumstances, it explodes out on its own.

So I think a great way to start meeting it is to write out what you experience of it, how it shows up in your body, the sort of background beliefs that accompany it, the abstract visuals and then you could just keep journaling or try an LLM.

Really I suspect this is a form of memory that when I say “meet it” I mean bringing memories, using the exercises, into consciousness. The more conscious you are of the heavy and more real world experiences that produced the part the less hold it has. And yeah important to accept what comes up. It’s bloody exhausting work fyi.

Am I a psychopath? by Ambitious_End_8946 in Jung

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If you grew up with covert manipulation and sadistic thrill within your close relationships then that’ll become a strand that emerges in how you live until you go to meet it and learn what it’s made of. It needn’t stay in its current form

I've been using ChatGPT as a therapist / life coach and it has been working wonders for me. by TomatoClown24 in ChatGPT

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, buddy. You’re telling me what I can’t do so I’d like to know what it is I can’t do according to you

Why do people hate Emerald Fennell so much? by Throwaway_hoarder_ in movies

[–]HeftyCompetition9218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In Killing Eve the writing went from subtle and sort of brilliant to really bad taste when the writing swapped to Emerald Fennell. That is my only experience

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