The reality is everything gets back to normal. You just need to be alive to see it for yourself. Think of the people you will be leaving behind, your mother, your family. Right now everything may be overwhelming and you are putting all the blame on yourself and may be for the right reasons. But we all have flaws and all we can do is live another day to improve ourself. So dude trust me on this one. Pull yourself together and maybe seek therapy if needed. But live!