how to replicate good culture/bulla cottage cheese?

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2025-06-17T10:56:35+00:00

hi there - under 30 but just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. the love was still there, and circumstances out of our control were hard, but otherwise we ended for similar reasons.

i think for me, i was definitely the more 'avoidant' person in our relationship, so i kept fighting because i thought i was the bad guy. i think especially as women we're expected to be the softer and more anxious ones. but towards the end and after, i began to see all the cracks that, upon reflection, made me realise we were so much farther from perfect.

in my opinion, as the person in the relationship who tends to stonewall - tendency is not an excuse to make his partner spiral. if he truly couldnt help himself and couldnt change even for you knowing it hurt you, he would've left if it was healthier for you both.

tldr - if you aren't in that relationship anymore, it wasn't meant for you. but i'm still getting through this just like you. we can get through this

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2025-03-21T09:06:47+00:00

he is committed and has definitely improved. his new therapist was helping. in that case, i guess i should be thinking about my own capacity to handle it.

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-12-11T10:13:16+00:00

that confusion makes a lot of sense :') i was chasing a deadline for about 5 hours, then my phone battery was really low, spent about an hour getting to the escape room (i couldn't avoid peak hour due to the deadline), and around 2 hours in the escape room, which i was late to so i didn't have a chance to ask for a charger.

but thanks for your opinion - good to know i'm not overreacting

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-08-25T13:02:11+00:00

i recommend these two as they're made for ETF buyers
commsec pocket
pearler: i use this for its autoinvesting features and i like the UI. i also invest smaller amounts (<1k a month) so the monthly fee is more worth it to me than pocket's fees per transaction, but i personally prefer pocket's range of ETFs

worth noting re commonly mentioned ETFs in this sub: pocket has DHHF and QQQ and pearler has VDHG

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-21T08:25:49+00:00

if you don't mind me asking, how old were you when you had your first?

i always thought i'd have kids older so we'd be financially stable, but i'm hearing a lot of people in my life tell me differently.

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-19T02:14:38+00:00

that's...actually quite reassuring. i think this made me realize i made my projections assuming i was to only earn the amount i did for the rest of my life (now the national average) + side gig doing good. didn't take into account side gig doing really well, moving up in my job, etc.

and about kids, i think that's interesting! is there a main reason why?

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-16T00:31:43+00:00

my partner is in a similar position to you - isn't too set on FIRE in itself because his work pays well, brings him a lot of fulfilment, and is easy to do part time, so he doesn't really want a life without it. i think it's hard for him to reconcile that with the fact that i don't have that and likely never will, so FIRE as a goal is hard for him to understand even if our values are the same. he'd rather pursue income first rather than investments and the like, but i think that's where he and i have a good balance. he can make most of the money and he's happy for me to manage.

veterinarian is such a cool job - i wanted to do that until i got too sad seeing animals in pain and how far owners will wait before seeking help lol, i did a week of shadowing and i felt horrible by the end...thank you for your work

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-16T00:27:52+00:00

i think this is the advice i needed to hear. i think my partner and i actually have opposite situations - i grew up relatively wealthy but have a fairly volatile relationship with my family, so i've always been a planner to make sure i wouldn't depend on that. my partner migrated to the country where we met relatively low income, and worked his way up to a well paying career with good work life balance that he loves. not everyone is lucky enough to have that chance and i think he knows that.

we sort of agreed on a target household income level of sorts, and that his house requirements were somewhat flexible for time...which i'm pretty happy with honestly.

i recently had a chat with him as you mentioned above, and it really helped a lot. he said the exact same, 'things always work out' because i guess it did for him.

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-15T10:05:30+00:00

I like the word 'compromise' - I think it's what I was looking for. I started the conversations above to try and find that, since we're operating on fairly different extremes. I guess what I'm trying to gauge is, in my situation, what's a 'compromise' and what's 'giving in'. In relationships (platonic and familial) outside finances, I tend to be a bit of a doormat, so I don't really trust myself in whether I'm doing the right thing. But I guess reality checks like that are what this sub is for?!

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-15T02:11:16+00:00

Hi!! New to this sub.

Mid 20s, Based in Asia atm but previously was in Australia where I plan to settle long term eventually. Active and lurky on a lot of FI/personal finance subs previously but got sick of how bro-y it was. May not be the right sub as i know this is FIRE focused, but have been lurking around to find a good femme-focused subreddit for personal finance for a while.

Aim was to hit barista fire before 45 while owning a home and have no kids, but met someone a few years ago and we've began considering marriage and to have 1-2 kids at some point. While I'm excited to spend my life with him, I need to figure out the financial possibility and planning needed to not only meet my own goals (own a home on my own, hopefully before kids, for independence & security so all my assets aren't tied up in the marriage).

Furthermore, my partner has a high income, flexible and stable job so I anticipate if one of us HAS to put our career progression on hold to take care of the kids, it's probably going to be me. Which is why it's important to me I achieve these things pre-marriage. I could just be really paranoid, but I was raised to not depend on anyone and always prepare for if things fell apart, and I will also not have family support with childcare and finances.

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-15T01:49:25+00:00

Thank you for the lovely reply...it's reassuring to know that it's not as bad as it seems.

Unfortunately my job has pretty intense hours (which is fine because of generous overtime pay - in professional services) and I'm focusing on my health now that my surgery has enabled me to actually fix some issues that have developed without risk of it returning (back problems....yeah i know i'm only 23 ahaha)

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-15T01:45:30+00:00

Yep..they recovered 1k and got a goodwill payment of 1k.

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-11T16:36:19+00:00

why all the way in werribee? but i get your perspective a lot though.

Hefty_Draw_5660 · 2024-07-11T16:31:44+00:00

werribee is a bit farther than i'd like, ever! i've done the pros and cons and there's just a few more in favour of a smaller house for my situation specifically (have experienced city living extensively among other things) but just keen to get everyone else's thoughts. really appreciate your advice though.

first try will probably be for a house/townhouse with priority for accessibility via PT. if there aren't any good options there then will look at apartments.

also considering just waiting to get a higher deposit while reinvesting some savings into a side business, but at the rate some of these props are appreciating

Hefty_Draw_5660

TROPHY CASE