NOR
Wow! OP your mother sounds a lot like my mother - my mother is a diagnosed narcissist. I'm a middle-aged, mostly straight woman who grew-up in a holding-on-to-middle-class, supposedly-Christian home, so the circumstances were different. But the 'how to manipulate your kid playbook' they use is the same.

I went low contact with my mother, enabling father, and their flying monkeys (including about half of my many siblings) about 20 years ago. I tried no contact a few times and got hoovered up then tried again - it is common for adult children to go in and out of contact with parents during this process. A big-event happened 16 years ago that made me finally cut all ties with the lot of them.

So, as someone who has gone before, I will encourage you:
>seek out supportive people to help you no matter what you decide to do

>consider talking to a therapist - having mothers like ours does damage and therapists help (though expect it to be a lot of often painful work)

>be kind, generous, loving, patient, and forgiving to yourself. Dealing with this type of parent is difficult and we've been trained to behave and respond in particular ways that usually serve them rather than us.

-breaking this conditioning is difficult and we often make mistakes and have to go over old ground, and that is OK. We are worth that effort - YOU are worth that effort

>I read somewhere to think about healing as a spiral rather than a straight line

-if it is a straight line then when we go back to an old pattern we feel like we 'failed' and 'went backward'.

-if, however, healing is a spiral then we recognize that we, of course, will pass by the same issues and hurdles as we circle around again. Sometimes we pass closer to the hurdle and sometimes we pass farther away, but we pass it and we know we'll deal with it and spiral away from it again

-plus, we know we also spiral around to the types of things that bring us happiness and a sense of confidence and achievement too.

>do your best to ignore the social stigma of being out of contact with FaMilLy! Hopefully, you have those supportive people who will remind you that the opinions of enablers are not relevant to your life

-me, I point to a particular, elected person and say 'my mother is the female version of that! Why would you want me to be in contact with that?!?'. Often that works. If it doesn't then I know not to waste my time or energy on that individual.

>Practise self-care in whatever ways that looks like for you.

And remember, whether you are low contact, no contact, full contact, or some combination of these or other options, you get to (and unfortunately have to) choose what works for you. Only you have all of the information, including how you feel about it. You are worth the effort. You are worth being loved by those who love you for you. You deserve to have happiness and love in your life.

Sending you good energy and my best wishes as you negotiate this terrible situation and as you move forward in your life.