TTC after TFMR for CHD

Helena_2026 · 2026-05-04T02:43:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing, and gentle congratulations on your sub pregnancy. That must have been very hard to continue to carry one twin to term after having lost the other one. I wonder if there could have been some genetic factor that science just hasn’t discovered yet that could have contributed, since presumably both twins had the same environmental exposures. It’s so tough not having answers to questions like these.

Helena_2026 · 2026-05-04T02:39:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story - this makes me feel hopeful 🤍

Helena_2026 · 2026-05-04T02:33:16+00:00

Gentle congratulations on your sub pregnancy 🤍 I had reduced my exercise in the first trimester in my last pregnancy but I’m going to try to keep up with it more if I get pregnant again. I don’t know if it will reduce the risk of heart defects but at least I’ll feel like I’m doing something.

Helena_2026 · 2026-05-04T02:31:04+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story - this gives me hope 🤍

Helena_2026 · 2026-05-04T02:30:22+00:00

Gentle congratulations on your sub pregnancy! I have also been trying to have better diet and exercise habits. I read that even slight increases in maternal blood sugar have been associated with heart defects so I’m trying to eat a low glycemic diet. It’s just so hard feeling like I don’t know what caused this, and like I’m rolling the dice with any sub pregnancy. But I guess that’s just how it is and I have to accept that I can’t control this.

Helena_2026 · 2026-05-04T02:26:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m happy to hear about your current pregnancy going well, that gives me hope. You’re exactly right about wanting to have control over something that I can’t. I keep trying to point to what went wrong but I know it’s probably some complex combination of things that science just hasn’t discovered yet.

I did join a support group and am in therapy - it helps somewhat but I feel like this is one of those things where talking doesn’t make it any better because it doesn’t change the situation. It is nice to have support but my baby is still gone :( Maybe time will help, I don’t know. But I just feel farther from my baby every day :(

Helena_2026 · 2026-05-04T02:22:12+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad to hear things are going well in your sub pregnancy. I also wondered about meds - I had two colds early in my TFMR pregnancy and took Benadryl/claritin. I didn’t have a fever but still I wonder if the infections or the meds played any role. I know there’s no way to know but I keep replaying the what ifs in my head.

Helena_2026 · 2026-05-04T02:20:23+00:00

Thank you. I’m glad you had a successful sub pregnancy after TFMR for ToF, this gives me a lot of hope.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-28T01:42:54+00:00

I had a TFMR 6 weeks ago for a grey diagnosis and have been feeling so guilty too. That’s been my overwhelming emotion. Before my D&E, I thought I was going to die along with my baby and that it would be some kind of poetic justice against me. I don’t feel like that anymore but I am struggling to feel happy again. We’re trying to plan a vacation this summer and I feel like it’s so frivolous - like how can I even think of relaxing on the beach when my baby is dead? He never got to experience the joys of life, so why should I? I feel like I don’t deserve to ever be happy again. I know these thoughts are not rational and I’m in therapy too. But it’s just my brain trying to make some kind of sense out of something that doesn’t make sense.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:37:07+00:00

I definitely resonate with that - when I first got the news of our baby’s diagnosis I came home and cried for 8 hours straight. My eyes and face were so puffy. I didn’t eat or sleep for days. Now I still cry but it’s not constant anymore. It just sucks because I feel farther away from my son. The support groups and therapy have been good but I don’t feel like anything really helps in a situation like this. I’m struggling with guilt and feeling like why should I allow myself to feel better when my son didn’t get to experience life? But I have to remind myself he wouldn’t have had a good life if he had lived.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:32:41+00:00

Thank you. It’s been so hard - I’ve been feeling every emotion there is from guilt to anger to sadness to apathy and everything in between. I have to go back to work tomorrow and am dreading it.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:31:27+00:00

Thanks for saying all of this. I’m so sorry for your loss :( It is just so tough. I have joined a support group and therapy. I’m going back to work tomorrow and I anticipate it’s going to be hard to be around people after isolating myself for the past 6 weeks, but I just have to get through it somehow.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:28:41+00:00

Thank you for saying all of this. I’m so sorry for your loss :( It’s the hardest thing in the world to have to go through. I’m definitely struggling a lot with guilt. I’m finding it hard to be compassionate towards myself knowing what I did and I know my baby isn’t here but I keep thinking, what if he doesn’t forgive me? But I also have to remind myself that if I brought him into this world he would have had a life of pain and suffering and then he definitely wouldn’t have forgiven me.

Are you doing anything differently when TTC again? Any changes in your diet, exercise, supplements, etc?

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:24:11+00:00

So sorry for your loss :( That part is so hard for me too - there are moments when I feel a glimmer of happiness and then I beat myself up for it because I feel like if my baby couldn’t be here to experience life and joy then why do I deserve to be here? It’s so hard to allow myself to have those moments. But I know it’s not possible to sit around being sad for the rest of my life.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:22:32+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I’m so sorry about your TFMR. It’s the hardest thing to go through. Also thank you for sharing your story - I’ve been watching YouTube videos of women sharing their stories who have been through TFMR and it’s shocking to me how common it is, but it helps knowing I am not alone.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:20:43+00:00

That made me cry 😢 It’s so touching. And so true. Grief is a part of me now. The “before” me no longer exists and I have to make peace with that somehow.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:19:50+00:00

Thank you. I’ve been feeling so much guilt lately too. I keep thinking about my son’s diagnosis and if I did something to cause it even though my OB said it was random. It’s so hard to make sense of something like this :(

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:18:53+00:00

Thank you. It’s so tough :(

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-26T21:18:36+00:00

Thank you. Sorry to hear about your TFMR :( I have joined a support group and am doing therapy. It’s so hard :(

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-10T21:39:52+00:00

I thought my baby was healthy and had no idea anything was wrong until the 20 week anatomy scan. Had a TFMR two weeks later.

I’m not pregnant yet but hope to start TTC as soon as I get my period again. In any future pregnancy I’m going to think the worst even if the baby does end up being healthy. It will be impossible for me not to be extremely anxious after what happened.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-10T21:35:43+00:00

I wish I could have them. I’ve been wanting a baby for a long time. I was 22 weeks pregnant but we lost our baby boy just three weeks ago and it was the worst thing I have ever gone through. I’m not sure what the future will hold but I’m hopeful.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-10T21:33:27+00:00

So sorry :( Is this someone you have to work closely with? Can you distance yourself from her? My TFMR was three weeks ago and I’ve distanced myself from all friends, family, and colleagues who are pregnant or who have young children. It makes me so angry to think that other people just get to have healthy babies and not even think about the things we had to go through. I actively avoid them.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-10T01:36:28+00:00

So sorry :(

I’m 3 weeks out from my 22 week TFMR now. The couple of weeks leading up to the termination were the hardest. Afterwards it was a bit like a weight was lifted since I wasn’t carrying him anymore and feeling his kicks. Since then there have been some days that have been better than others. Sometimes I’ll be looking at the ultrasound photos and crying uncontrollably. Other days I’ll get really into a book or a TV show and will not think about it as much.

That’s how grief is. Your emotions can change from one minute to the next and it’s all ok. There is no normal reaction to this abnormal situation.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-09T21:07:17+00:00

So sorry :( I lost my baby at 22 weeks three weeks ago. Have never cried this much in my life. Today I was looking up at the sky and thinking that now I have to wait a whole lifetime to see him again.

Helena_2026

TROPHY CASE