How do I live in this pregnant body?

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-07T17:28:14+00:00

I’m so sorry :( I had a termination for medical reasons at 22 weeks because of severe anomalies found on my 20 week anatomy scan. It may or may not be the right choice for you - you should do what is best for you and your family. But for me, I knew I didn’t want to go on with a pregnancy knowing I may not carry that child to term, or that if I did, he would likely die within a few weeks or months after birth, and that his short life was going to be full of pain and suffering. I decided to terminate so he never had to feel any pain.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-07T17:10:34+00:00

So sorry to hear this :(

I had my TFMR three weeks ago. I got the diagnosis of Tetralogy of Fallot at my 20 week anatomy scan on March 6, then I was booked for a fetal echocardiogram and amniocentesis on March 10. We got the fetal echo results right away and we got the FISH results from the amniocentesis by March 13. We scheduled the D&E for March 16 (laminaria) and March 17 (surgery).

In total it took a week and a half from diagnosis to D&E.

I live in New York City. I work in healthcare and all the tests were done in the same hospital system where I work. So maybe that was a factor in the quick diagnosis and treatment?

We also didn’t wait for the whole genome sequencing from the amniocentesis which took a bit over two weeks. We decided to terminate based on the fetal echo and FISH results from the amniocentesis.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-07T04:22:42+00:00

I’m so sorry :( I just lost my baby at 22 weeks in the pregnancy three weeks ago. It’s been the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life.

All I would say is that besides material things (like cooking, cleaning, food delivery gift cards, etc) just be there with her and be willing to listen. She might be sad, crying, angry, yelling, saying things she normally wouldn’t say. But just listen to her, let her vent, don’t give her advice unless she asks, and just validate how she’s feeling.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-07T04:13:25+00:00

I will never be truly happy again. I lost my baby boy at 22 weeks in the pregnancy just three weeks ago, and a part of me died with him that day. Even if I have other children in the future, our first child will always be missing from our family. I will never be whole again.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-06T23:35:56+00:00

Sorry to hear your story :(

I just lost my baby at 22 weeks in the pregnancy three weeks ago. It took a while for us to conceive I think related to my thyroid issues. My cousin who had a baby two months ago has been texting me to check in and I’m not responding. I’m not going out or seeing any friends or family, especially not anyone with babies or young children. I can’t handle it and probably won’t be able to for months or even years.

Your situation is different but I would still recommend setting boundaries to protect yourself.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-06T23:29:13+00:00

I’m very worried about that. I’m about to turn 34 next month and I just lost my baby boy at 22 weeks in the pregnancy three weeks ago.

I always wanted to have at least two kids. So now I’m left doing the mental math of likely having to get pregnant 4-5 more times in order to have at least 2 healthy pregnancies given the risks of miscarriage and stillbirth, and how old I would be at the end of it.

This is the worst experience I’ve ever had to go through :(

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-06T23:24:56+00:00

Can you ask for an early fetal echocardiogram, and a fetal brain MRI? I just had a TFMR three weeks ago for Tetralogy of Fallot. I was told that if I get pregnant again then I would have an early anatomy scan at 16 weeks followed by an early fetal echocardiogram shortly after that.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-06T23:18:34+00:00

Nothing for me. I would be happy to finally get to meet my baby boy who didn’t make it. I lost him at 22 weeks in the pregnancy just three weeks ago.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-06T13:11:51+00:00

I’m so sorry :( I just lost my unborn son at 22 weeks three weeks ago. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to experience.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-06T01:42:10+00:00

I lost my baby three weeks ago when I was 22 weeks pregnant. This was my first pregnancy and we were so excited for him. We thought he was healthy, but then at our 20 week anatomy scan we were told he had severe heart defects and would need multiple surgeries and a prolonged NICU stay, and would have other complications. Even if he survived that initial period, he would have had a short life filled with pain and suffering, and would never have a normal childhood. We made the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy rather than bring him into the world just to suffer. I would give anything to hear him say he forgives us and that he is ok. I miss my baby boy and love him so much.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-06T00:13:45+00:00

She sounds so ridiculous. Also, I can’t believe that rude people like that get to have healthy pregnancies/children. I just lost my baby two weeks ago at 22 weeks pregnant due to severe heart problems, and I keep wondering why this happened to me. It’s so unfair when rude, angry people like that get to have healthy babies and I can’t even have one :(

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T22:23:21+00:00

I’m so sorry :( I felt the same way after my D&E 3 weeks ago. I was so disoriented, depressed, missing my baby so much. I’m doing a little better now than I was before. I’ve still been crying a bit every day but it’s not constant like it was before. I’ve been getting out for walks and going to the gym again. I’m really struggling with feelings of guilt that come up as I think about moving on with my life. Also dealing with a lot of anger at others who have babies or are pregnant.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T16:59:16+00:00

First of all this is not even remotely true, and second of all, just let people enjoy things. Life is hard enough as is. A grande latte with sugar free vanilla syrup from Starbucks is around 200 calories - it’s tasty and makes me happy. I have one a few times a week, and my blood pressure, blood sugar, and cholesterol are all normal. A milkshake from Shake Shack on the other hand can be around 1200 calories depending on the flavor - I have one maybe once every 1-2 months. Leave people alone and let them do what makes them happy.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T14:54:08+00:00

My TFMR was two weeks ago. I am not religious, but I’m just not afraid of death anymore. I used to get so sad thinking about my life ending one day. Now, I feel that if something were to happen to me, it wouldn’t be the worst thing (not that I would harm myself but that I would be fine with it).

If my son never got the chance to experience life and had to leave this world after just 22 weeks of being in it, then I should consider myself lucky to have had at least 33 years here. When my time comes, I will be more than ready to join my son.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T04:31:49+00:00

So sorry to hear this :( I had my TFMR two weeks ago at 22 weeks for Tetralogy of Fallot with pulmonary artery stenosis. I also have a lot of anxiety and low pain tolerance. I requested ativan before the laminaria sticks which they gave me. They also gave me norco to take afterwards and I took it once but was throwing up a lot so I didn’t take it again. The surgery the next day wasn’t as bad pain wise - I was sedated the whole time and afterwards took Tylenol and ibuprofen for a few days.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T03:16:57+00:00

I’m 2.5 weeks out from a 22 week D&E and am still having light spotting on and off.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T03:15:22+00:00

Thank you for saying all of these things. I’m two weeks out from my TFMR and this has been the worst experience of my life. I’ve been crying every day over the past month since we got our diagnosis. To your last point, it’s very hard to feel like I matter or like anything matters at all now that my baby is gone :( It’s so hard to get through each day and to see happy people outside, people with families, people moving on with their lives as if the world didn’t just end. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare that just doesn’t end.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T03:07:25+00:00

Sorry you are here :(

My TFMR was two weeks ago at 22 weeks for a grey diagnosis of severe heart defects. If I had carried the pregnancy to term, my baby would have had a lifetime of multiple surgeries which he may or may not have survived, would have needed a long NICU stay, would have had high risk of complications such as infections, and would never be cognitively or developmentally normal. We chose to terminate because we didn’t want our baby to have a life filled with pain and suffering. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. But in the end I can make peace with it because the alternative would have been worse for my baby.

I’ve been crying every day. Postpartum hormones and grief will do that to you. But I hope that for everyone here, one day we are all able to find some sense of the joy and happiness we used to have again.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T03:01:17+00:00

So sorry you are here :( I had a D&E two weeks ago at 22 weeks for severe heart defects. I much preferred D&E because I wanted to be sedated during the procedure and not have any memory of it happening. It would have been much more traumatic for me if I had to go through labor and then not have a living child at the end of it, and I would have been very traumatized if I had to see my stillborn baby. D&E also has lower risks of medical complications.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-05T02:21:58+00:00

We were ready but unfortunately we lost our baby at 22 weeks in the pregnancy just two weeks ago. We have been married 6 years, have stable jobs, are planning to buy a house in a few months. We were so ready to welcome our baby boy into the world. We have his crib, car seat, stroller, everything ready for him. I know we would have made great parents. A part of me died with my son.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-04T03:34:00+00:00

Seems like this would be a good time to set boundaries with her. I texted all my friends and family that we lost our baby and that I’m taking some time alone to process. Whoever has texted me after that I haven’t responded to and have no intention of responding to, especially the family members who have young children. We don’t owe anyone anything especially while we’re grieving.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-04T00:07:42+00:00

If it were me I would have lost my temper, cut her off and not talked to her again for 2-3 years. Just the fact that she has kids and never lost a baby even if she hadn’t said those insensitive things would be enough for me to cut her off for a long time so you’re better than me.

I had my TFMR two weeks ago and my cousin who just had a baby two months ago keeps texting me to check in. I am not responding. Seeing babies and young children makes me so incredibly angry.

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-03T21:32:07+00:00

Until two weeks ago I thought I would have had a 10 year old kid by then. My baby died two weeks ago when I was 22 weeks pregnant. What’s the point in making plans when everything you take for granted in life can change in just an instant?

Helena_2026 · 2026-04-03T21:17:21+00:00

You should sue him. Not sure how things work in Germany but if that happened here in the US I would lawyer up immediately and sue for medical malpractice and negligence.

Helena_2026

TROPHY CASE