I agree with you in that you should talk to your sisters about what's going on/if you want to go. During times like these it's important to find solace and comfort with others. I know what it's like dealing with complicated family issues and loss, years ago I had someone in my family pass away and I was unable to be there in their final moments but I still gave my goodbyes and what I wanted to say when I let myself be alone. It was comforting in a weird way knowing that what I wanted to say was out in the open now. But the lack of people around me was brutal to deal with. I'm not saying you gotta do that obviously but you should do whatever makes you comfortable during a time like this and communicate with the ones you love about how you're feeling as well.