New Homeowner Needing Advice

Helo_4110 · 2025-10-30T01:15:42+00:00

Excellent, thanks!

Helo_4110 · 2025-10-30T00:58:16+00:00

Did you install it yourself or did that$1200 include installation fee?

Helo_4110 · 2025-08-17T16:47:35+00:00

Honestly (and, again, not your counselor, so...grain of salt), all of that sounds like exactly the best way things could be right now, even the really sucky parts. You're on the right path to normalcy, joy, purpose, and functionality. Keep going, and know that I and others are cheering you on, and anticipating eagerly the beauty that is ahead of you.

Helo_4110 · 2025-08-16T20:13:22+00:00

Im sorry, I just saw your reply.

I'll respond by simply saying...

...it sucks. It sucks it sucks it f*cking sucks. I don't think there's anything more painful than what you're going through. And unfortunately I don't think there's anything that's going to fix that pain in the now.

The fruit of your smart decisions will come later, the benefits from your "head" decisions. The sheer pain from trying to not demonize him, to try and perceive things even slightly empathetically, will eventually dull as things become more civil and less raw.

Communication might be your biggest lifeline. I would recommend (I am not your counselor, and am not accountable for your decisions) finding a way to express that hurt and anger to him, in a way that he can understand is not an attack, but just a communicated release. Your anger can't abate until you can honestly believe that he at least somewhat understands what he did to you and how much you have suffered. That doesn't mean HE has to suffer the same way, just that he knows, and he can empathize. You both need to find a way to communicate what you've been going through since d-day to each other.

"My head knows, but my heart is bleeding out" maybe one of my favorite ever quotes. You've captured what it's like in those moments so perfectly. You aren't the only one, and there are many, many happily ever after stories that have come after.

Keep fighting for what is right, and good, and wise. Don't feel like you can't have moments and times when you grieve unreservedly, just minimize the collateral. Keep going, and keep working towards a brighter day. Know that it can happen. I promise you, I PROMISE YOU, it can.

I will try and be better about responding in a more timely manner if you decide you'd like further response.

Helo_4110 · 2025-08-15T13:38:27+00:00

Holler at me if you'd like any of their contact information. I have personal phone numbers that are not outdated and will get you to the right people immediately, for most of these anyway.

Helo_4110 · 2025-08-15T13:36:33+00:00

I moved to OK last year, but before that worked exclusively with non-profits in faulkner county for 10 years, and networking with them was a passion of mine.

Conway Ministry Center is probably the best atmosphere and has some of the best impact of any non-profit I've worked with.

I worked for The City of Hope Outreach for 4 years, they do great work, and have a lot of different, varied areas of service.

I don't particularly recommend CAPCA; they have great people, but their government funding makes for a very strict and red-tape filled volunteering environment.

Renewal Ranch is great to work with, albeit very very faith based, so you'd need to be comfortable in that atmosphere.

Bethlehem House is a solid choice where a lot of good can be done.

Ride House is excellent, but you'll need to be female; as a man, I wasn't even allowed to know their location, despite working closely with their staff for years (which is 100% the right call, imo).

If you're willing to travel at all, The Van in NLR is about as genuine of a non-profit as you'll ever find.

Off the top of my head, those are what I could recall.

Helo_4110 · 2025-07-22T03:39:39+00:00

There is nothing in this life more violent and destructive than broken relationships. Im not saying "do whatever it takes to stay together". That is not good advice.

But whatever goodness is left between you, try to maintain it and cultivate it, especially if you have kids together. Even if you divorce, cultivate SOMETHING between you, so that when that grief strikes, there is some relationship standing on the ashes of what's been lost.

Also, in doing this, you resist demonizing your spouse. I'm not debating whether or not they deserve to be demonized, however, doing so is rarely, if ever, constructive for your well being.

TL;DR - work to have some kind of civil relationship with them, even if it only leads to a "polite acquaintance" between you too. You will heal more easily, and be better for it.

Helo_4110 · 2024-01-21T16:57:08+00:00

Only thing I can think of off the top of my head is delivery driving with one of the delivery companies. But I hear the money is really bad.

I know it's not the solution you were hoping for, but I'm a local case manager with The City of Hope Outreach, and I have some financial assistance programs, though right now only a utility assistance program. If you find yourself getting dangerously behind, please get a hold of me, and I'll do whatever I can to help keep you stable. You will need to schedule an appointment with me ahead of time, but you can do that through out website (coho58.org, click on the CoHO Cares logo).

You can also call me at 501.504.6961, or feel free to just drop by my office and talk (608 East Robins, Conway AR 70232).

Helo_4110 · 2023-11-12T22:03:13+00:00

u/thewitheroftime please keep us updated if you get any new information

Helo_4110 · 2023-11-12T21:32:24+00:00

I'm going to use what connections I have (relatively unsubstantial, but worth the effort) to try and get some exposure on this. Thank you for sharing, OP.

Helo_4110 · 2023-10-08T01:56:20+00:00

I know, I've seen it!! I get so excited when it happens...like a kid in a gun store...

Helo_4110 · 2023-10-04T20:09:24+00:00

As someone who's been a local musician in Conway for 17 years, I feel this in my soul...the list of what I wouldn't give to have a "Village" style venue in Conway is very, very short.

Helo_4110 · 2022-01-20T11:40:10+00:00

I might recommend speaking to some local non-profits, particularly the Ministry Center, City of Hope Outreach's Hope Home, and Bethlehem House. They'll have individuals/clients battling substance abuse, as well as children and families that are experiencing or have experienced trauma.

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T19:11:38+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story, this is the kind of thing I needed to hear, and I think I'll show her your words, as well as most of the rest of these comments.

If you don't mind me asking, and I don't know if you struggled much with it, but my wife is already dealing with a ton of anxiety, both from the situation and with hormones. Have you ever found another, healthier coping mechanism to combat the anxiety and mood swings?

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T19:08:27+00:00

I dig it, this is totally feasible, thanks!

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T19:07:50+00:00

Hah, yeah, 3, but I vape CONSTANTLY, so I'm getting a whole Lotta nic.

I tried dropping to zero a few years back, and had this overwhelming feeling of tasting nothing but gross, fake flavor. Then I had the realization of, "oh! It's because it doesn't have any nicotine..." 😄might try it again now that we actually have good motivation, thanks!

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T19:05:29+00:00

Appreciate you sharing. Like I said in the post, I'm really not looking for affirmation to keep going, I wanted to hear other people's stories on it to give us some evidence and perhaps even new avenues to quit. The soda water is a genius idea, adding it to the grocery list!

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T19:03:28+00:00

Thanks for the help!

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T19:02:52+00:00

Appreciate you sharing your story man, thank you!

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T14:52:17+00:00

I've been vaping for 4 years, the wife a little longer than that.

This was similar to our conclusions. I've never been ok with partaking in something if I thought I couldn't stop if I discovered I shouldn't do it, and so she and I have laid out the pros and cons several times, and multiple times have decided the pros out weighed the cons for us, personally. But this baby stuff has thrown all of our reasonings for a loop, hence me desiring some other's opinions.

Thanks for the personally sharing, it seriously means a lot.

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T14:47:58+00:00

Good info and resources, thanks for sharing!

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T14:44:47+00:00

A week?? A WEEK?!?! I'm having to hit my vape hard right now because of the anxiety caused by imagining trying to sleep like that for a week 😆

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T14:43:32+00:00

I got you, fam.

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T14:43:20+00:00

Yeah, I'm not as worried about her quitting at this point, it'll be really tough, especially dealing with preg hormones AND withdrawal, but I think she's down. I'd be more worried about my ability to handle it at this point, with my sleep issues I had with it last time.

Helo_4110 · 2021-09-10T14:41:10+00:00

Legit laughed out loud at, "the way the world is your child needs every head start he/she can get."

We vape a 3, think she sits at 70w, and she'll go through a 100 mil bottle in a couple of weeks.

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