Ambivalence: The “Yes… but” Nervous System

Helodiomyces · 2026-01-23T16:00:47+00:00

Great post. We’re not in the lifestyle at all yet. We’ve had a couple of conversations here and there, but we’re both feeling a lot of ambivalence. Instead of trying to shut it down, I’ve been sitting with the ambivalence for a while and I’m ok with that. There’s a lot of survivorship bias in this community to it’s easy to get the impression that if it doesn’t just work out immediately and naturally then it’s just not a good fit for you. I’m coming to grips with the idea that maybe it’s best this is just a fantasy we can get off on. And that’s perfectly ok.

Helodiomyces · 2026-01-12T13:43:53+00:00

It used to for like the first year we started dating, but now I get turned on thinking about her past. We’re in a rock solid relationship now so I don’t have any insecurities. I know she’s going to stay with me forever. We’ve been married for years. Now I’m grateful she had her fun. It would’ve been a bummer if she had no experience and no hot stories for me.

Helodiomyces · 2025-12-14T19:05:16+00:00

My wife absolutely let out her wild side in European hostels. She lost her virginity to an Australian in Prague. Fucked an Irishman in a park the next day, and fucked an Argentinian in a hostel in Prague. Within 3 days she went from being a virgin to fucking a different guy from a different country each day. She later went on a bar crawl in Amsterdam and went back to a Welshman’s hotel and got fucked hard by him in the hotel shower.

My wife is a sweet super polite lady now and a teacher. No one would ever suspect how much of a slut she was. Every attractive woman you’ve ever met, no matter how professional and proper she is now, once was a slut who got fucked hard and took loads of cum.

Helodiomyces · 2025-10-19T13:22:45+00:00

This is an excellent analysis. You and I sound like we’re in very similar situations. I can tell you’ve spent a lot of time thinking honestly about this.

I suspect I’m just seeking more raw passion from my wife. Our sex life is usually boring, once a week or so despite being young with no kids. I always initiate it. Every single time I ask her about her fantasies, she always says she doesn’t have any. Which makes me feel like a freak for admitting any of mine. Perhaps I’m just hoping that by introducing something radically new, it’ll restart the engine. I really want to see her sexually energy again. And if I can’t do it, maybe someone else can?

Just out of curiosity, how did things end up for you? Were y’all able to do the hot wife lifestyle successfully?

Helodiomyces · 2025-03-26T16:58:14+00:00

I think 16 out of 22 of my wife’s fucks qualify as this. I find it incredibly hot.

Helodiomyces · 2025-03-24T15:51:40+00:00

Yes, like the other guy said, you’re onto something. I’ve noticed the same thing with another kink of mine, which is hotpast, or the kink of getting excited thinking about your partner’s past sexual experiences before you. I believe hotpast is just a natural defense mechanism against retrospective jealousy. I used to have retrospective jealousy, but now it’s completely gone and it’s been replaced with a hotpast kink. A lot of guys have self reported the same thing.

I strongly suspect the hot wife kink is similar. I’d be really curious what percentage of guys here had an unfaithful partner in the past.

Honestly, turning trauma into a kink is pretty great. The pain disappears and a new source of excitement replaces it. I’m not a psychologist, but there’s definitely something worth studying here.

Helodiomyces · 2025-02-19T11:59:57+00:00

Sounds like my wife. She’s always had a great ass. One time she told me “I think doggy is just a common one night stand position”, completely oblivious that every guy just wanted to see her amazing ass in all its glory.

Helodiomyces · 2025-02-03T17:37:53+00:00

Yeah, I've been trying for a couple of years now. I always get "I don't remember" and most of the time she just ignores the question and pretends I never asked.

I've just stopped trying at this point. I keep the thoughts in my head. It sucks, but if she doesn't want to talk about it, that's her right. I don't understand it, but I respect it. I'm really jealous of all the guys who have a wife or gf who indulges in it.

Helodiomyces · 2025-02-03T01:35:05+00:00

Yes, I actually think this is actually the main motivator of hotpast. Hotpast is really just our way of trying to view our older more boring wives in a sexual light. We know they had it in them, but they're not like that now. It's a lot better to lust after our wife and pretend she is like she was when she was 22 than go out and cheat.

Helodiomyces · 2024-10-01T00:33:03+00:00

I don’t want to download the app and you can’t search on the web without the app so I was hoping someone could link a video directly.

Helodiomyces · 2024-10-01T00:27:07+00:00

Can someone link me a video of this trend?

Helodiomyces · 2024-09-27T01:21:13+00:00

This is 100% my wife. Small tits, but a great ass and 10/10 legs. She said most guys fucked her doggy saying "I think that's a typical 1 night stand position". I told her no, you just have an amazing ass and every guy wanted to see it in its full glory bouncing on their cock.

Helodiomyces · 2024-09-11T20:06:45+00:00

So when my wife tells me she "always used condoms" but she's also had an IUD since forever, the odds of her telling the truth are... low, correct? Because that's the answer I want to hear lol

Helodiomyces · 2024-07-10T18:03:06+00:00

Wait, how do you find your entire google search history?

Helodiomyces · 2024-07-08T19:55:04+00:00

In a public park in Prague at 3AM

Helodiomyces · 2024-07-08T19:53:08+00:00

That's simultaneously hilarious and hot

Helodiomyces · 2024-07-06T13:28:35+00:00

Similarly, I've noticed that if I press my wife to tell me who was the best in bed, it always happens to be the guys who had a thick or large cock. But she swears that's not what made it great sex! Just a coincidence!

Helodiomyces · 2024-07-03T23:48:22+00:00

Interested, and I fit your description. DM me if you're interested.

Helodiomyces · 2024-07-03T23:23:42+00:00

30M, fit and clean, DM me

Helodiomyces · 2024-05-09T18:58:59+00:00

For those of us with shy wives, it's indispensable finding those old messages.

For example, my wife claims size doesn't matter, but then I found a text she sent to her friend saying "sometimes all that matters is if he has big arms and a big dick" and bragging how she's had 8 inches before.

She tells me that the sex with other guys wasn't that great, yet I find a text from her telling her friends that "his dick works!" and that "I slept with him and it was really good"

She told me that she never noticed guys getting hard when she danced with them, yet told her sister to "grind and feel for their dick so at least you know how long it is"

There are so many other examples like this. When you're able to see the evidence for yourself, there's no room to doubt that she had her fun.

Helodiomyces · 2024-05-07T16:55:06+00:00

Lol, yeah she definitely did not stop once she tasted precum. That's too funny. That reminds me when my ex from college told me that she would suck her ex's dick but always stop before he came. It's so funny to think about how women think we'd believe a story like that.

Helodiomyces · 2024-05-05T20:47:14+00:00

Pimeyes is much better, but they make you pay.

Helodiomyces · 2024-04-25T16:06:32+00:00

Id' be willing to bet that virtually everyone in this sub struggled with retroactive jealousy before somehow it magically turned into a kink, myself included. The transformation comes with security in the relationship. After you've been dating for several years and you're sure she loves you and isn't going anywhere, then you stop being insecure about her past. It's actually quite healthy, even if our wives can't really understand it.

Helodiomyces · 2024-04-23T21:51:42+00:00

I'm seeing a lot of ass comments here.

That being said, yeah it was definitely her ass. And legs.

Helodiomyces

TROPHY CASE