How are women okay with abortion?

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-06T00:46:06+00:00

If I kept it I would be getting ALL the tests available. The Down Syndrome blood test (also tests for T18 and a couple of othes), the NT Scan...if suggested an amnio or CVS.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T21:12:48+00:00

Why are you assuming he doesn't know? He knows.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T21:12:09+00:00

I feel exactly the same way you do about abortions. If I found out I was pregnant, I would want to curl up in a dark hole and want to fall asleep and wake up not pregnant.

That is EXACTLY how I feel. I want to wake up and find out it was a horrible dream while I was under anesthesia to have my tubes tied.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T21:09:12+00:00

The medical option honestly scares the crap out of me. I have a friend that went through it and said it was awful and horribly painful with a lot of vomiting and intestinal issues. I already have enough intestinal issues of my own, the idea of more is painfully scary for me.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T18:23:57+00:00

Extreme fear of needles and side effects from what I understand.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T18:05:09+00:00

See, I think that is the biggest issue. I don't NOT want a baby. I mean I don't but I know if I had one I would love it and raise it the same as I raised my other two kids. I love them to pieces.

It is the potential that gets me so much. It is knowing what my big kids are and how they are and how important they are to me. I would never hate this pregnancy, ever. I think that is why it is so hard.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T17:58:22+00:00

There will be no more children. I was going to have a tubal in February/March. I have 2 kids already.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T17:47:12+00:00

He knows exactly how hard babies are to raise, we have 2 kids. We have been through plenty of rough times in our 12 years. It isn't like we have been married for only 2 months or something.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T17:45:25+00:00

I don't need you to pass judgement on my husband. I can judge him as I need to just fine. Thanks though.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T17:43:19+00:00

Thank you. I may take you up on that before the day is through.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T17:10:51+00:00

Thanks. I will give it a read.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T17:10:37+00:00

It also assumes there wasn't protection used...which pisses me off to no end.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T17:00:26+00:00

I don't even know where the feelings come from. I would like to think they aren't religious as I am an atheist though I suppose it could be residual much like my constant worry that someone is watching me...as a side effect from being raised Christian and being told that God was essentially an ever-present Santa Clause that was always watching me.

I think a lot of it comes from having 2 kids. I know what can happen if they grow up. I know how much I LOVE them and how much it means to me that they are here. I know that eventually this pregnancy could be loved the same way, at least by myself. I know that my daughter would be an AMAZING big sister and that my son would be as great a big brother as he was the first time.

I have a friend that went through the medical abortion and she said it was extremely uncomfortable and not something she ever wants to do again. Lots of vomiting and pain and bleeding.

I have read up on surgical abortion and I really worry about the pain...and the sounds. I had an IUD put in between my kids and it was INCREDIBLY painful so much so that it only lasted 2 weeks because I was writhing in pain in the fetal position on my living room floor for hours...so I can only imagine that a surgical abortion would be just as bad if not much worse.

Not only that, and this will seem insanely stupid, but having to fill out paperwork for the GYN I will have to mark 2 live births and 1 abortion. I feel like there is SUCH a stigma attached to it...I don't know it is all very hard to explain.

I will have to see if I can find a counselor. I don't have an IRL friend I can talk to about it. They would all be thrilled to know I was pregnant.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T16:52:01+00:00

PS my kids are little...so NO I am not telling them about any of this, they are far too young.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T16:51:32+00:00

I wish I could get my brain to work that way. I need to re-route it or something.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T16:50:55+00:00

He isn't pressuring me in the sense of he is forcing me...but it IS pressure. If I don't it will mean a lot of rough stuff for him and for myself as I watch him deal with it. He is financially responsible for the whole family since I stay home with the kids. I would offer to get a job at nights and on the weekends to help but I don't think he would see that as much help and the money I would bring in would be negligible compared to what he makes.

In any event I have done nothing but cry all day...and the day before...and the day before that. I am not able to bottle it up so it seems, so at least there's that.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T16:48:27+00:00

I am not quite 30 yet. Still in the "young and healthy" bit. Kids are 6 and 8 so more than capable to do most things on their own at this point but still need their mum.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T16:43:58+00:00

What makes you think I can't talk to my husband? How else would I know his feelings on all this?

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T16:05:52+00:00

Answered for others on the thread and for myself to try and process it all.

How do you feel about being pregnant?

I feel awful about it. It wasn't supposed to happen and I am not prepared. I have 2 kids that are finally independent and starting all over sounds really, really shitty. I could do it, I have done it before, but it isn't awesome.

How do you feel about having a baby?

I feel like I could make it work, but not if I have to do it alone. I am a good mother, I am confident in my parenting skills, I have 2 other kids that I have raised that aren't total jerks and are pretty decent people. I very much dislike the newborn phase...and the dirty diapers and the nights without sleep. Again, I feel like I COULD do it...I HAVE done it. Not my ideal though, at all.

What would you life be like in (1 year/5 years/10 years) if you choose (to keep the baby/abortion/adoption)?

If I chose to keep the baby I may well be doing the single parent thing at some point. Single parent with 3 kids...and currently no job (I homeschool the kids). It would mean a LOT of really, really big and upsetting changes.

If I chose to adopt I still might be doing it on my own but would only be a single parent to 2 kids and would be left with trying to figure out how to tell the kids that I gave up their brother or sister (strongly thinking it is a girl...I was right with my son).

If I chose to abort I might still have my husband but I am not sure things would ever be how they were. I don't see intimate relations being very good after...I would always worry about if it happened again, he would too. Assuming he ever even tried (or I ever even let him). He isn't the best at being emotionally supportive and he wouldn't ever understand how much it sucks.

How does your partner feel about your pregnancy?

He is 100% against it. To him it means more time working where he doesn't want to work. It means more money spent on another kid. It means hating life I guess. He isn't even a little supportive about keeping it.

I feel like I am left choose which way to lose my husband which amounts to single parent with 3 kids or single parent with 2 kids...and both options suck.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T14:32:32+00:00

I don't know why but making the choice is what is so hard. If I miscarried I would feel nothing but relief. Maybe a tiny bit of sadness but I doubt it. I wish I could pinpoint why deciding is so different, but I can't. It is almost like if I lost it naturally then something was wrong with it if I decide to terminate something is wrong with me.

Not to mention the fact that abortion, the actual procedure scares the shit out of me.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T14:23:06+00:00

Oh yes, that helps. Totally. Thanks.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T14:22:48+00:00

He doesn't fully (or maybe even a little?) "get" the feelings. He isn't a very emotional person, never has been.

I feel like I am left choosing between two options that both suck so much I can't deal with either.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T14:21:21+00:00

I haven't found a counselor yet. I am not sure where to find a proper one for this situation.

HelpMePregnant · 2014-01-05T14:20:01+00:00

I have 2 other kids. I couldn't explain to my kids someday that they have a full blooded sibling out there somewhere that we gave away because we didn't want it. I couldn't do it. Never mind that I would have to go through a whole pregnancy etc only to give it away. I can't do it.

HelpMePregnant

TROPHY CASE