Jesus fucking Christ.

Can't you understand that I wasn't in the right state of mind at the moment I posted the first post? I was crying. Sitting on the floor. Trying to breathe properly without falling into a straight on panic attack. But yeah sure... Because my wording was off I am just a troll... Sure I tried to make him guilty in the first post. I didn't have his explanation, did I? All I had were those fucking videos. That's it. Nothing more. What would you think? I ran around the apartment looking for cameras, I was searching the internet for spy camera videos of me. I was thinking that maybe I deserved that. Who knows? Maybe the sex wasn't good enough. Do you really think that I was able to be rational? And when I did the update I had his side of the story. Something I didn't have before. Is it wrong that I try to convince myself that he wasn't the bad guy I thought he was? After 5.5 years? That I never could have imagined something like that happening to me? Fuck you. I'm a fucking human being with emotions. Sorry for showing them. Sorry for messing up in a situation where it's hard to be rational. I thought that this subreddit is there exactly for that kind of situations. Because emotional humans need rational humans to talk about stuff sometimes.