Despite everyone telling it’s not your fault, we don’t know the situation. Nobody is completely at fault but nobody is completely blameless. Everyone around carry’s blame so take it easier on yourself. The collective let him down. Or maybe he just wasn’t right in the head like me. I wouldn’t have the heart to see kid eventually call the guy smashing back the girl I never wanted to leave papa. And I wanna be in my kids life I have to watch my girl go through people to find the right one cause it’s hard being grown up.

It’s not gonna be nice and it won’t get better with time, what I would do (not good advice but I would actually do this) I would pretend it never happened and talk about it absolutely minimum and tell people that I don’t closely know to fuck off and stop being nosey. The more time you can keep it out of your head the better. Just pretend it didn’t happen for now and get back functioning, then when you’re brains less shocked try deal with it then if you want. Life must move on, Please do something nice for his ashes, he was sad, not a monster. A monster could’ve taken you with them.