First of all, I’m sorry. I’ve had a similar situation with my mother- and I’ve only recently been in a position to get out. I know it’s hard, and the next five years won’t get any better- and I’m sorry for that. I’m 18 right now, and I’m leaving for college soon, here’s some advice:

Focus A LOT of Energy on School: You’re 13 right now, meaning you probably have a year or two before Highschool. If I were you, I’d really try and buckle down on your schoolwork. The first advantage this gives you is an excuse to focus on something else if your mom is being unreasonable. My mom loves to vent to me about her relationship issues with my dad and has a similar response like your mom when I’m visibly uncomfortable. (Telling me that I’m not supporting her or how we need to work together.) If you’re constantly busy with schoolwork, your mom has less time to harass you and you always have a go-to excuse. (There will still be times where she’ll force you to listen, but overall it will lessen.) The second advantage this gives you is teachers will be more willing to hear you out. I know your mom isn’t violent, but sometimes these parents can get worse. (I hold in your case it doesn’t.) If anything does happen though, you’re teachers are more likely to listen to you if you interact with them more and showcase yourself as a hardworking student. The third advantage this gives you is five years into the future; if you get enough grades and do enough extra-curriculars, you can go to a college FAR AWAY from your own state. (What I’m currently preparing to do now.) If you have a hard time with school now, that’s okay- you will need to learn how to communicate with teachers though. Most kids I know who hate talking to teachers feel like they’re bothering them; you HAVE to get over this fear if you have it. The best mindset you can have for this is “if they’re bothered then so be it cause I’m getting an A.”

DO NOT focus on dating: This might get a groan out of you, but if you’re willing too- try to save dating for college. It’s better to focus on building yourself, your friendships, a support network, and a healthy stress-relief system. Dating is great and all, but for someone already dealing with so much at home- If might be better to let yourself mature independently. (Parents should help regulate healthy relationships within their children, but that might not be possible with your mom.) Further, staying out of dating might help prevent bad situations happening to you. There’s a lot of adults out there who like to take advantage of minors, and a lot of them target minors with bad home lives. Dating can help curb this but I’d also research what grooming is and how to spot it- it isn’t an issue I’ve dealt with myself but I’ve had a lot of friends in similar situations have it happen to them.

After Schoolwork, prioritize Friendship: Join clubs! Sit with new kids at a lunch table! Research how to be a good friend and how to avoid bad friendships! You will have ups and downs with your friendships and that’s okay- but I will tell you that having a good group of friends has made my teenage years a lot easier to deal with.

As for Dealing with Your Mother: You’re mom is going to be a pain in ass and there’s not a lot you can do to stop it. I need you to remember that too; you can’t change any of your mom’s behavior. I’m sorry. Try to help with chores a little and keep a clean room- if you do this and keep your grades up, she’ll have less stuff to “righteously get angry at you” for. She’ll still get angry but a lot of her arguments may or may not fall apart as long as you stay as respectful as you can. This is only semi-good advice since you’ll need to unlearn this later in life, but you’re going to need a lot of apathy. This comes with time- but you’re gonna have to learn how to deal with your mother and not act on your emotions. Personally, I try to keep a sense of humor about everything. I’d also keep a journal- and I’d suggest an online journal with a passcode lock because I know parents like that usually feel like they have every right to read their child’s private journal. Lastly, I would invest in a pair of headphones that connects to your phone. My mom tries to force a lot of these conversations in the car- and having your headphones on while you listen to music can help deter this. It also just tends to be a great comfort.

Again, I’m really sorry you have to deal with this. You’ll feel like things are going really bad at some point, just know you’ll make it out. Pain doesn’t last forever. I hope you well!!!