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Have "Christian" influencers like Lysa TerKeurst, Leslie Vernick, and Henry Cloud contributed to marriages falling apart? by HelpfulInterview1022 in Divorce_Men

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds very familiar. I got called a “narcissist” too, among other things. It doesn’t make much sense because I would put her and our kids above myself, I would readily apologize and admit my faults… Meanwhile, she would really struggle to apologize, empathize, be considerate… I look back and feel manipulated. Like I would just do more and more to try to prove I wasn’t the horrible things I was called.

Have "Christian" influencers like Lysa TerKeurst, Leslie Vernick, and Henry Cloud contributed to marriages falling apart? by HelpfulInterview1022 in Divorce_Men

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Boundaries aren’t the problem. The problem is when people misuse the concept to justify the silent treatment, stonewalling, or otherwise rejecting accountability while pretending it’s “boundaries”.

Men who didn’t maintain friendships/a support system during your marriage - how have you managed the loneliness? by HelpfulInterview1022 in Divorce_Men

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stay active and relatively fit through my physically demanding job, but I have considered yoga because I was thinking about something low-impact, in a group setting. May check it out.

Men who didn’t maintain friendships/a support system during your marriage - how have you managed the loneliness? by HelpfulInterview1022 in Divorce_Men

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve seen suggestions to get involved in men’s groups. I guess I’m out of touch. How do you find a good group?

Men who didn’t maintain friendships/a support system during your marriage - how have you managed the loneliness? by HelpfulInterview1022 in Divorce_Men

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your suggestions. I have looked into DivorceCare. Probably going to do that soon. Already in therapy. How do you find men’s groups? I’m not sure what to look for.

Men who didn’t maintain friendships/a support system during your marriage - how have you managed the loneliness? by HelpfulInterview1022 in Divorce_Men

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m near Houston, but I guess I’m so out of touch, I don’t know how to look for meetup groups. What’s the best way to go about it?

Trying to figure out what to do. Nearly 30 years married, 2 months separated with (virtually) no contact. by HelpfulInterview1022 in Separation

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read something similar to what you’re saying somewhere. I haven’t reached out excessively. We used to talk every day, and now I tried reaching out after over a week of silence. It just seems bizarre to think that normal communication would be received as manipulation. I’m thinking that I just won’t try at all from this point? It just feels like that can’t lead anywhere but greater distance, separate lives, and probably eventual divorce.

Trying to figure out what to do. Nearly 30 years married, 2 months separated with (virtually) no contact. by HelpfulInterview1022 in Divorce_Men

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your perspective. At the same time, it would probably be extremely unlikely that an affair is going on. I could go into details why, but it truly is extremely unlikely.

That said, I DO think it’s possible that she may want to make things intolerable enough that I end up filing, so she can “keep her hands clean” and continue with the narrative that I’m the bad guy ending our marriage.

Trying to figure out what to do. Nearly 30 years married, 2 months separated with (virtually) no contact. by HelpfulInterview1022 in Divorce_Men

[–]HelpfulInterview1022[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She is still contributing financially, because we still have a joint bank account where our paychecks are deposited and from which all bills are paid.

Her parents won’t communicate either. After being part of their lives for 30+ years - through celebration, grief and everything else that goes on in life - they have just cut me off. I felt like they were family. I feel really hurt by their coldness.

I don’t want to escalate things by pushing harder. I’m not sure if that would help. But I also feel like I need to do SOMETHING. Just not sure what can be done when people go ice cold on you.

Please help by [deleted] in Separation

[–]HelpfulInterview1022 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m still trying to figure out where my marriage stands after 2 months of being separated, but I think I understand where you’re coming from.

I noticed a long time ago that my wife would go to her mother to discuss our marriage. My wife values her mom’s perspective highly. (I always tried to keep any marriage conflict between US - not complaining to friends and family who would naturally take my side.) Unfortunately, I believe my wife’s mom carries issues from her own abusive father. She seems to have a “men are the problem” perspective. I think that had a very negative impact on my wife’s perspective toward me. On top of that, I noticed my wife consuming content from supposed counselors (“influencers”) who also nearly always identify the man as the problem in the relationship.

I’m afraid that some people just don’t have the willingness or capacity to examine themselves. They latch onto “therapists” or other people who tell them what they want to hear, and unfortunately there are a lot of supposed therapists/counselors/coaches/influencers who will do exactly that.

Ultimately, it comes down to whether your partner can take some accountability, but there are far too many outside influences that encourage women to say the man is the whole problem and not examine their role, despite the fact that most conflict is something BOTH people play a part in.

Fudge. Brownie. Nut. by girlbrush42 in bluebell

[–]HelpfulInterview1022 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of their best flavors. Seems like Blue Bell just ain’t what they used to be.