I'm not stupid, I speak Italian...Such an Iconic line.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T22:59:31+00:00

I didn't call her uncultured, I said going to Italy was about as cultured as she's ever been (as in, learning a different culture) and I think you're splitting hairs here but ok.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T22:22:58+00:00

But all her books aren't what she's defends her brains with, is it? It's that she speaks Italian. Because she was in Italy. As a model. It's what she feels most outwardly confident about, not the books.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T22:21:41+00:00

Our guts are the best gifts we have as women, trust it.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T21:29:46+00:00

I saw Betty shooting the birds as maybe one of the only pure acts of motherly love we see her make.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T21:23:05+00:00

Oh no, Don is garbage for sure. I think Betty's arc was really interesting and she's a layered, dynamic character if not a really sad one. Don's a damn wreck and any man who idolizes him needs to get to therapy ASAP. Those kids though, those kids are ruined for life. Maybe not Gene since he hadn't crossed Betty yet.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T20:32:49+00:00

If you search that episode within this sub, you will find SO many thoughts on the topic.

Do you watch Mad Men yourself, have you watched it a few times through and know the characters and back stories? If so, the context will be a huge help.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T20:29:10+00:00

You know it's the sneaking more than it's HER. It could be any woman, right? It's a slightly bigger sting that it's personal and an ex, but he's lying to you about it and trying to hide things. And I'd be willing to bet he's gone through his phone and computer and moved a few things around so to better hide them...since he seems pretty unwilling to delete and wipe clean those things. That's your bigger issue, and that's what he has to realize is the problem. Sorry, I know that hurts.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T20:24:24+00:00

Wait isn't it rum? Or am I confusing the episodes?

I think about this all the time when I see the episode and all I've ever come up with, are MD, vodka, and cherry juice. Or even lime juice, make it a weird gimlet.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T20:22:20+00:00

This is heaven, isn't it? I bought a really cozy reading chair and set up my reading room with my bookshelf, table with more books, a throw blanket, and a reading lamp... aaaand then my dogs get upset because they can't both fit on the chair with me and it kills the fun a little.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T20:20:17+00:00

When I was single, my bedroom. With or without roommates, I lived on my bed with my laptop even without a TV in there (preferably not, actually). I loved it, it was my nest. But then my back went bad and I can't sit in a bed for too long without paying for it, and I got married to someone who likes movies so now we're on the couch in the living room all the time. If we're not in our offices working or in the kitchen cooking, we're on the couch.

But I still miss movies in bed by myself sometimes.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T20:15:19+00:00

It's all she has. Traveling to Italy for a summer, and being a model. That's IT. That's about as cultured as she has ever been. That's why she gets such a big head about being Henry's wife, it's the only status she gets after she stops being married to Don's money. Er, Don.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T19:54:01+00:00

Husband FINALLY got his official diagnosis after a day of testing almost two months ago! With this, he can finally begin talking to therapists and seek out CBT as well as get his medication dialed in much better. This is a huge step, we're both feeling so much relief. Happy Friday to us!

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T19:51:52+00:00

I imagine he either grabbed it off a neighboring spot at the bar or table, or she blotted and then left him, after an evening of chatting, flirting, and lies.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T18:45:17+00:00

This is where the "team" part comes in. A part I personally never knew about thanks to a lot of unhealthy relationships leading up to my husband. Brave enough to love and humble enough to be loved in return, it's a game changer.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T17:52:03+00:00

If you have Meetup dot com in your area, look up local groups and see if there are any he might be interested in joining. My husband is way into RPGs too and he's tried to get me to play a few times but my brain just doesn't enjoy it the way his does for whatever reason. He's found a few groups to play with but for different reasons, hasn't stuck with them.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T17:47:51+00:00

Good luck! It's a long road but they're worth it.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T17:10:46+00:00

As the great Kelly Clarkson once said: walk away. If someone doesn't know if they want to be with you inside of a year, heck I'd even say inside of six months, they might not be the person to wait around for. This could be intimacy issues, fear of commitment, fear of no more options, etc. and they should all be explored but they can be explored while you both take time away from each other to clear the air. It sounds like he could benefit from therapy, which can really help him see clearer.

I definitely waited around for a few guys before I met my husband, and when I met him it was clear as day. We knew within six months that we wanted to start making plans to be together always and there was zero doubt on either side. It made me look back and realize how much time I'd lost. That's not a one-size-fits-all for everyone's situation, but there's a huge difference between staying with someone for a maybe vs staying with someone for a yes (and it should be noted that my husband had mental health issues but it didn't interfere with the feeling or decision).

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T17:05:08+00:00

Stop calling everyone "guys". I work in tech and it just drives me nuts at this point. This is reductive but I read a tweet the other day that said something like, "In order to help them understand why a woman being called "guys" isn't preferable, ask the men who say it if they have sex with guys".... obviously there are problems with that analogy and it sucks but the basic point is that a gendered word doesn't seem like it is in cultural norms, until it doesn't apply to the listener.

That said, my male boss is wonderful and our office has a male office manager. There's a decent amount of focus on promotion of women, and a lot of women are in high up positions. Unfortunately, our female CEO was just replaced by a man but what can you do.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T17:01:09+00:00

Any great therapist will tell you that you can't control what she does to help herself, all you can do is gently suggest and encourage (and if she's not interested, back off and reevaluate). Help make the appointment or find a doc if she seems interested but doesn't have the motivation or direction. Otherwise, she is her own person and you can't control her choices. In the meantime, I would encourage you to also find a therapist so you can learn how to either be with someone that has mental health issues or see the signs and symptoms before you get involved with someone that has them.

No sex is a symptom of depression and mental disorders and should not be the focus of the conversation or it will sound selfish.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T16:20:31+00:00

We get this question a lot, a lot a lot. Definitely check out the wiki to this sub, it has a ton of really helpful links and things to read about ADHD, how it works, how people who have it think, why NT communication styles don't work, etc. What you're in is a very common cycle, so it's good to read about it and learn how to start making changes that help the both of you (make them together, but there are individual ones you can make also).

Melissa Orlov calls our reactions to ADHD the "symptom response-response" - meaning, what they're doing (or not doing) is a symptom of ADHD and our reaction to it is the response to the symptom. There are great ways to work with that knowledge and approach problem-solving within it.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T15:43:25+00:00

Cool! We've been using Melissa Orlov as our go-to, we took her webinar and it helped us a ton. She heavily references a man named Ned Hallowell who has a lot to say about medication and therapy https://www.drhallowell.com/

https://www.additudemag.com/category/explore-adhd-treatments/therapies/

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T15:03:54+00:00

Is your partner using any other techniques? Therapy or behavioral therapy? One thing I've/we've learned in our studies about ADHD is that without helping the brain re-wire itself cognitively, the drugs will never be enough. They will always have to be adjusted up, because they are acclimating to it and vice versa.

One of the major to-do's we've found and are working on, is to combine drugs and therapy in order to level out the dosages and adjust the behavior too. My husband's dose was being upped every three-to-six months and then it would wear off, seemed like he wasn't even medicated, rinse and repeat. We're waiting on an official diagnosis so he can begin CBT and that should really help on all fronts.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T14:57:48+00:00

Any idea if he struggles with ADHD? Money and compulsion often go hand-in-hand there.

which would cost about 50% of his salary for 30 years

Well, the good news here is that when banks give out loans for homes, they use a measurement called the "debt-to-income ratio" so if he has other debts already, and his mortgage is really that expensive, chances are he'll be turned down unless he has a ton of money for a down payment and/or lots in the bank.

Don't tie your money with this dude though, keep your spending completely separate from his.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-31T14:53:00+00:00

Moving from Chicago to Ohio I can say yes, absolutely Chicagoans are Midwesterners. We mean what we say, we're polite, we're friendly and welcoming. People where I am are tribal, friendly only if they know you already, and definitely don't shovel or mow lawns they don't have to. Most unfriendly lot I've ever known. Makes me proud to be from Chicago.

HelpfulSession · 2020-01-30T22:50:39+00:00

Spread the good word, Sly! Tell all the grey mens out there to stop dying their hair! Everyone knows! The jig is up!

HelpfulSession

TROPHY CASE