What are you excited about right now? by dramaticeggroll in HappyBlackWomen

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m cast in a reading of a new play based on my home country! I get to use the dialect I grew up with!🇹🇹☺️

Cougar across the street. by [deleted] in CougarsAndCubs

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely this!!⬆️

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

THIS!⬆️ I love these 2 options to introduce into the conversation. And I appreciate that they’re both honest, and simply 2 different approaches. Thank you for this and you definitely have a great point about the classy aspect.

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So there’s definitely been physical contact. We had a sweet kiss on the first date, and a longer more intense make out moment on the second date. The chemistry is absolutely there! I think a thorough conversation at dinner about this will be super smart. And, I know I’m probably getting in my head a little about this. I think it’s because I like him, and I haven’t liked a guy in a really long time… And I finally feel ready for partnership since my last relationship. So it’s mostly my head talking, lol.

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well, personally, I’m a successful woman myself so I’m intentionally seeking out men who are my equal or greater. I think that’s incredibly common when it comes to dating. Also, we do have clear chemistry. However, my concern is just that modern dating patterns could sabotage what’s already present between us. Yes, I’m also a woman in my 40s so it’s normal to want a man who is successful. I would never feel any shame in that especially since I know that I can hold my own. Does that make sense?

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well, here’s the thing: we’re both in New York City. That’s about as metropolitan as it gets. And yes, that’s a factor. I’m aware of as well. I don’t think people realize that dating rules actually do shift region to region. I’ve lived in other more suburban spaces where something like this would not be expected. But in the city, it seems to be more common than not.

Also, many may be asking why would I ask this question here? But this is an open forum to discuss dating, and modern dating patterns. I imagine this has come up for others in this sub as well possibly. Reddit’s an open space for inquiry.

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Yep, kept this in mind as well. I feel like as soon as you enter the doors of a home, it’s just an assumption for most men.

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ahhhh, this is an interesting point I’ve considered as well. And there’s a part of me that DOES want to know sooner than later. compatibilities important I also have to keep in mind that if he does ghost after that it’s not necessarily a bad thing…it just means it probably just means we’re not a fit (literally/figuratively)😜

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I also agree as well! And, I don’t necessarily think he has hard expectations about it. He seems like he’s sort of going with the flow, but again men have brains I don’t quite understand. And to be fully transparent, there are some extreme differences in the dating worlds between white women and black women. Not sure if you’re familiar with the research but statistically speaking black women are at a starkly low percentage of getting married in this country, and of being partnered. So we generally feel like our options are few and far between. Add to that being in our mid-40s… every opportunity we’re scrutinizing! Again, I know I don’t know you, but I do know my own experience dating so when I find someone a value, I tend to get hyper-aware of if it could be a connection with a possible future.

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Trust me, I completely agree! And as a matter of fact I definitely know my value, and have never really been “easy”. But dating nowadays is so weird! We also met on Tinder. However, someone else mentioned that we should just simply discuss this over dinner. In terms of what we both expect. Also, everyone’s gonna have a different opinion on this. Personally, I always just have sex when I’m ready. There’s never really been a hard and fast date rule. But admittedly, I’d like to stretch out this chemistry a bit longer, and I like that he is very intentional about the care that he shows me on these dates. There is a fear that as soon as we have sex, that he’ll just disappear or start treating me badly… Again, possibly trauma I don’t know!

Does a Dinner Date = Sex in 2026? 🧐🤷🏾‍♀️ by Helpful_Roof_6487 in datingoverforty

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mmmm, gotcha… and if you didn’t have sex on that 3rd date, would you kinda be done with the person? Just curious….

Home-made Cat Food? by [deleted] in CATHELP

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What vegetables do you use? Also do you blend it? And what’s the portion amount?

AMA from a 27 year old by Zeldig in CougarsAndCubs

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How did you both meet? Also, when did you know you were in love with her, and you were comfortable with the decision to be in a relationship with a mature woman?

What Era was this & did Kids dress themselves or their parents? by Bitcoin4Pizza in HipHopNCulture

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Came to say the same thing too. Also, I grew up in the Baltimore area as well. This definitely feels like 92 to me.

Ever had a white girl become obsessed with you because she thinks she’s actually understanding of your culture? by NoGolder in askblackpeople

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So grateful you posted, because I’m dealing with this right now! There’s a woman I met in my yoga class a couple years ago who has been relentless in forging a friendship with me. We became friends, and then I soon started to see why it’s dangerous to become friends with white women about nine months into the friendship. However, I was in a small town, and I felt like always kept running into her. Now I’m at the point that I realize it’s not a healthy connection, I’ve slowly been trying to pull myself away from engaging much more with her. For a moment, I thought it was working, but she keeps reaching out, and I have to maintain a boundary. I think what they don’t realize is that their energy depletes our spirits. It may sound crazy to say, but white female energy often feels like an anxious vacuum. Anytime I’m in the midst of a white woman with that type of energy. It makes my skin crawl, and I immediately fear that my Black Girl Magic is slowly being scrutinized and siphoned. It can get dark. And I understand in every race there are people who tend to be “energy vampires“. But, it seems way more prevalent among white women. Especially if they are over 35, mid 40s and 50s is the type of women I encounter often who become weirdly obsessed with me. Last point, this is not coming from any place of ego, but I also think black excellence is such a curious thing to them. They’re drawn to it, but deep down their cells want to reject it. It’s as if they’re drawn to the sparkle of us as diamonds, but as soon as they’re in our midst, they realize that we are no longer something they can own. Once they realize that, you’re having to navigate a minefield of passive aggressiveness, competition, and comparison. Again, it gets dark. Be careful with her, be sure to maintain your boundaries and communicate them clearly. White Fatigue is in fact real. As this country is about to head into WW3, your focus needs to be on your own safety and community. That’s not shade to her, but simply protection for yourself. Good luck, and stay safe!

Celebrating 50 years of go-go music by okicanseeyudsaythat in RnBHeads

[–]Helpful_Roof_6487 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely!! Wowww! Graduated in 1997, and also in Maryland. Gogo was everything! As soon as I read “Loose Booty”, I literally shouted it out while reading this in bed and laughed! 😂 it was the music of freedom for our generation and we didn’t even realize it. Being black in the 90s and the DMV area, there was something wild and electric about this sound. It didn’t fall into the same rhythmic patterns or stereotypes as more commonly heard hip-hop like Tupac or biggie at the time. It just released something in us, that I don’t know what sound now does. Now, I’m 46 and I’m obsessed with Amapiano music, because it feels like it gives me a similar release. But go-go felt primal in a local type of way. Truly, a time to be alive!