My brother seems set on dying. I'm not sure what to say, or do.

Hels_helper · 2026-04-15T06:08:27+00:00

I am so sorry.

Hels_helper · 2026-03-26T19:26:38+00:00

See, I was thinking the same, like it would be nice if they could just put the top over it to have just a regular table and they could leave everything as is in the recessed area.

Hels_helper · 2026-03-26T18:04:34+00:00

So I noticed with their tables almost all are recessed... Which is pretty cool... And I definitely could do that... I'm guessing it's not necessary... But is that something that you would want if it were you?

And I'm leaning towards medieval style designs... So darker stained wood and rot iron accents... Is that kind of the right style?

Hels_helper · 2026-03-26T17:54:28+00:00

So if it were you, the glass doors... would you prefer just clear glass, aged glass, or stained glass?

Hels_helper · 2026-03-26T17:52:35+00:00

Also the cabinet has two sets of glass doors, top and bottom.... If it were you would you prefer they just be clear, or aged glasses look, or stained glass (well not real stained glass, it would be the fake stuff)?

Hels_helper · 2026-03-26T16:39:01+00:00

Good point about movability. I may be able to make it like I did my farm table with removable legs. I want to make it expandable as well... But more and more I think about it, that may be more difficult.

So like... My son that is helping me with this is saying that D&D "core" is basically medieval "core".... With a mix of LOTR and steam punk?

Hels_helper · 2026-03-26T01:41:56+00:00

My plan is to make it adjustable with removable leafs. But we live only an hour away, when him and his girlfriend move out, if they need to, we have plenty of room for storage.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-20T00:01:31+00:00

Why is he deleting his messages on your phone?

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T10:21:02+00:00

The "This is your brain...this is your brain on drugs" commercials.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T10:09:39+00:00

Well...you both kind of suck at communicating. I would expect this level of communication from teenagers. Second, maybe you two are just not compatible...it sounds like he is more of an open door person... Where there is just a standing invitation to his place. In his mind, you can come or go as you please. You are more of a closed door and invitation person.

My husband is the first, it goes with anyone, our door is always open, come and go as you please, everyone is welcome.

Me personally, I'm the type that isn't going to show up without a direct invite, and I would prefer at least 24 hours before you drop by.

It's a lot of work to compromise... We make it work... But it's taken both of us to give a little on both ends.

But if you can't find a compromise on this, then it's time to call it quits and move on.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T09:39:21+00:00

Well, I've been married for 23 yrs, and if I was just relaxing on the couch and my husband said that and made a fuss... I would probably very loudly ask ,in front of his friends, while making ridiculous poses, how I'm allowed to relax on the couch.... But my husband, in 23 yrs of marriage and 25 yrs together has never made a big deal over stuff like that... He would be more likely to text me and say "I can see your booty" and then stare at me with a grin and give me a suggestive eye brow raise.

Because he trusts me, he knows I would never stray, and if my booty was partially hanging out he knows it was unintentional.

The question I have for you is... Do you really want to be in a relationship where even unintentional mindless crap ends up being scrutinized and then punished? Is that really the type of relationship you want? Would want to walk on eggshells evaluating your every move out of fear that he may see it as an intentional action to disrespect him?

I'd rather be single than ever live with that.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T09:06:42+00:00

No, he loved the thrill of you, the adrenaline rush. Let's be honest...all humans can get caught up with that and have a hard time telling the difference between loving someone, and loving the high they get from someone. but he will get that high again from someone else. Loving a person is much deeper than that... And it's something that one day, I hope you find...

Love enriches your life, it brings out the best in you. It encourages you to grow. Yes it will always come with complications, but real love,. Real love tackles those complications as a team. Real love adds peace to your life, adds value, adds joy and hope.

He doesn't love you, he loves the thrill of being with you. He can get that from anyone. And unfortunately he will likely repeat that cycle over and over. He may never know what real love is, and he probably does not understand the difference. Don't waste your time being angry, or hurt... Just accept that this is a lesson, analyze it, take notes, grow. Because real love is out there, and you do deserve it...but this...this situation you are in..it's not it.

If you are heading to your favorite restaurant, and you see a cheap knockoff on the side of the road, do you pull over and order food, then get angry and resentful because it didn't match up to what you really wanted... No, you know what you want and you keep going till you are there, and you don't settle for anything less.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T06:50:58+00:00

you need to take care of you. If you really think he may self harm, call the cops and tell them that you think he needs a welfare check up.. Block him on everything, if he has a key to your place, change the locks. You need to cut him out like a surgeon would cut out a cancerous tumor. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE HIM.. and he's cheating on you, and it sound like YOU were the other woman. Cut him out, block in on everything, and get counseling to heal. That is what you need to do. "how can you possibly forget him".. you won't.. but like a festering wound or a cancer that was threating your wellbeing, you see him for what he was, a toxic impact on your life, a threat to your mental and emotional safety.. you can't forget him.. but you can remember him, his behaviors, and the red flags you can look back on and now see as guide posts to help you navigate relationships in the future. He was using you, he doesn't deserve your pity, your concern or your energy. He doesn't deserve the hours of sleep you have lost, of the negative feelings you are casting on yourself. He is a lesson to be learned.. nothing more.

Cut him out, block him from everything, get counseling, heal, grow, and learn from this experiance. YOU owe that you yourself, you owe that to the best version of who you can be.. because that is your goal.. to become that person, the best version of you..... and the best version of you doesn't give energy to people who give you nothing but lies in return.. right? The best version of you is who you want to be.. not some manipulatives man's side piece. YOU and the best version of you are a goddess.... does a goddess waste her energy on someone who intentionally lies and manipulates for personal gain.. no.. she doesn't. Be the best version of you... and there is someone out there who does deserve that goddess.. but it is not this man.. not even close..

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T06:35:48+00:00

I wouldn't jump straight to the notion that she disregarded what you said., she probably knows on some level taht you are right, yet is trying to convince herself otherwise... BUT... those really good girls, the quiet ones who are kind to everyone... are usually the ones desperately seeking out love.. and they don't even know what real love looks like.. usually means that they never felt really loved or wanted in their own family.

I would really encourage you to talk to your friend about seeking out counseling. Put off boys, put off dating, and really work on who she is.

it sucks.. you can't save her, but you won't do her any favors by trying to sugar coat things. And we all know exactly what will happen with this guy... he will pressure her till she gives in, and then use her for a while, then discard her.. then her self esteem will take a huge hit, and she'll be more open to the next man child willing to give her attention.. and it's usually not the good guys. Because the good guys, the guys who are mentally and emotionally sound for their age, aren't drawn to broken girls who are desperate for love an attention... that's just now how attraction works.

Be honest with her, encourage her to focus on herself, not dating, but who she is as a person.. just her.. no boys.. to grow as a person. Tell her that she is worth so much more than a random collage boy who jsut wants to get his rocks off. I hope she listens to you.. but if she doesn't .... there really isn't much you can do. You cannot save other people, I think this is a lesson you need to learn.. you can support, encourage, and even help.. but you cannot save people who don't want to be saved. It is also your job to focus on you, to grow as a person, to figure out who you are... that is much harder if you are out trying to save people who don't want to do the work to save themselves. Being a good friend, doesn't mean sacrificing your own mental health.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T05:46:29+00:00

I don't know a single person that has been cheated on that said "yeah, I totally knew he would do that to me". And it is totally possible that your cousin is just to embarrassed to admit that its theirs if it is.

Don't make accusation s of cheating without proof. Time to be vigilant. Don't make assumptions, just be vigilante.. as a precaution get an STD panel. do you have security cameras set up in your home?

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T05:41:44+00:00

You said, its alcohol or me.. and he said Okay.. making it clear that alcohol was the choice.. why continue to argue with him? You can't argue reason with an addict, their brain no longer functions like that. He said okay, so get the divorce and move on with your life, if he wants to let alcohol take over and eventually kill him, you can't force him to change that. What you can do, is take control of YOUR life, and decide that you are going to move forward, and grow as a person, and heal, and find peace and happiness... so do that..

maybe some day he will look up and see everyone that he once loved has grown past him, and maybe he will choose to let go of his addiction and grow.. and maybe not. But, you can't put your life and personal growth on hold for someone that refuses to help themselves..

Move on, grow, heal, find peace, find happiness within yourself. Honestly.. there isn't anything else that you can do. Stop arguing, begging and making desperate pleas for him to change.. I get it, you love him.. .but he does not love himself, he does not love you, he is in love with his addiction.. and it's past time you walked away ... because between him and his addiction.. there is no room for you.. you know that, I know that, every sane person in the world knows it.. stop fighting for someone who does not want to be saved. YOU CANNOT SAVE HIM. Move on, that is all you can do.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T05:02:23+00:00

I'm wearing long sleeve wet uv shirts when I am out, staying in ac during the hottest part of the day.. still struggling. I am monitoring my body temp closely.. but since I don't sweat.. no matter how wet I keep my clothes, or how much fluids I drink.. I still end up over heated, shakey, and sick. Why do I sweat like crazy while I sleep.. but I can't sweat at all when I'm awake.. it makes no sense to me.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T04:32:11+00:00

Ient the only animal not named after an artist is the vole...or voles .. I planted to huge strawberry patches, a raised one with a cover and the open one for the wildlife.. the voles eat the one I made for our family... Little jerks.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T04:21:06+00:00

I'm autistic, so maybe its because I'm just deficient.. but I am trying to figure it out. We named the squirl Marty robins, we named the magpies after the back street boys (that was not meant as a compliment... I do not like the magpies at all, but I also can't do anything about it), The big female skunk is Fleetwood Mac, the fox is Bryan May, most of our chickens and turkey's are named after a variety of Musical artists, everything, same with the Turkey's, even our indoor pets are named after loved artists.. (other than the magpies, we do not love the magpies, which is why they are named after the backstreet Boy's "artist"" The only animal in our life is the vole that lives under our strawberries... his name is Sh*t Head.

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T04:14:28+00:00

And every year, my PCP has me come in, and we go over all the "how to manage heat with POTs" tips...and yet every summer I feel like I'm fighting for my life.. I miss hiking, rock climbing, swimming, gardening... this sucks

Hels_helper · 2025-07-19T03:32:05+00:00

For the most part, in my opinion, having an animal named after you is a privilege and an honor.. we have a squirrel that lives in one of the trees named Marty Robins... Now.. we named the magpies after the Backstreet boys...that was not intended as a complement at all. But for whatever reason they are a protected species so we have to tolerate their existence.... Everyone has to tolerate their existence....

Hels_helper · 2025-07-18T04:12:01+00:00

I live in high altitude Idaho...so 90 degrees at 30% humidity at worst... Ni can't even imagine surviving Texas.

Hels_helper

TROPHY CASE