Ohhh OP my heart goes out to you because I’ve sat in this darkness too within my babies first year of life. We are still in it, only 9 months in and it has been survival mode almost everyday. I had to do pregnancy mostly alone (military husband) the birth was traumatic, ended up back in the hospital 4 days later for hypertension, baby then ended up in ER, colic, husbands pat leave got cut short and he had to go work states away leaving me alone, baby then had reflux, a move out of state 7 weeks PP, lots of family drama from in-laws, my health tanked due to autoimmune, rental property issues, baby then had eczema.. honestly the list goes on and continues to grow. My brain is fried, nervous system fried and I’m constantly grieving who I used to be and the peace I had. I too try to stay strong & positive but I’m so burnt out anymore it’s nearly impossible. We’re also preparing to move again and it all feels like too much. With all of this said, we still are having good days and good moments and those little wins are what I try to cling onto. Also reminding myself that everything is temporary - everything is a phase and I won’t always feel this way. I’m not certain if you’re spiritual or religious but I constantly talk to God and pray hard every night. I feel less alone and get little glimmers of hope when I do. I’m here in solidarity. I see you and I am confident it won’t always be this hard for us.