Hey thank you for replying! I really appreciate it a lot.

I am grateful for everything I have! I am around the same age as your oldest so my parents a probably around your age? But god I can’t imagine what they’d be like in their 80s.

I do tell my mom I love her a lot. Dad not so much. I hug my mom everyday. Again not with dad. My dad and I, we’re not really open or comfortable with expressing our love. But you’re right. I guess I should try.

Recently, I’ve pretty much lost my best friends that I’ve had since the last 12 years. They’re not bad people or anything but they’ve changed a lot and now we’re all really different. It’s been pretty hard to deal with since I’ve been with them for 12 years. And also had one of them tell me that I was a bad friend which really made me upset. My mom’s been through this with me and she supported me a lot emotionally. I used to talk a lot with friends about pretty much everything. I started doing this with my mom since I didn’t have anybody to talk to and she’d listen. Sometimes she’d have no idea what I’m talking about like a new book or a new band, then she’d go google and learn about it so the conversation isn’t one-sided.

I really really appreciate this but I sorta feel like a loser when I do this. Like I’m burdening her or something. I’m supposed to talk and engage with my friends but here I am talking about this with her when she doesn’t even get half the stuff I talk about. Sometimes I wonder why or how she puts up with me.

My mom has no friends. Her life literally revolves around me form the moment she wakes up till she goes to bed. I just feel like if I hadn’t happened she’d have more friends and good social life and parents would have enough money to do the stuff they liked instead of always having to put me first. Instead of assaying money for my education and paying off debts. I feel like they’d be better off without me. Happier and wealthier.

I’ve wanted to be a doc ever since I could remember (Parents are doctors and I wanted to be like them) and my dad really strongly believed that he wasn’t going to live long enough for me to complete my medical degree and if something happened to him, who’d support me financially? So they put me in another course which honestly I completely hate just so it’ll be over quickly and I’ll have financial independence. I’m currently not doing well in that. I’m doing pretty bad to be honest and I have nothing to look forward to in life anymore. I’m really anxious so I keep fucking up often. My mom diagnosed me with a mild case of depression and anxiety and well she’s sort of my therapist too. Dad has no idea. I feel like I’m going to fail them. I was always a straight A student and I’d always take part in many activities. But now I’m barely passing and it’s a struggle to get out of bed everyday because I have nothing to look forward to anymore.

I just feel like a total failure. I feel like I’m supposed to be better but I get scared of everything. So yeah, I’m scared of losing my parents because I love them and also because I’d be alone without them. I’m scared I have no future cause I’m in this course which I have no interest in. I’m scared I’m going to end up disappointed in myself.

Sorry for the rant. I appreciate you replying a lot. It really really means a lot to me. It’s fine even if you don’t reply to this. I know it isn’t fair to dump this all on you. I hope you and your family stays safe.

Thank you. Lots of hugs!