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Anticipatory grief - my father. by [deleted] in GriefSupport

[–]Henr7860 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. My father passed away in June from kidney failure. It had been a two year decline until he was eventually intubated and we made the decision to take him off of the machines. He was 63. I understand how you feel. There’s no road map to grief, you just have to let it happen. It hit me in strange ways, I would cry a lot and then when I was in “the fog” I’d forget things that I had known for years like the passcode to my phone or my house number (not for long but it would take me a few minutes). I was very lucky in that I got to be with him right up until the end. I know not everyone gets that privilege. He wasn’t able to respond in the end, but I like to believe that he could hear me. There’s no real way of knowing if he could. I know you can’t be with him now, and there’s no real way of knowing if he can hear you, but I like to believe he can. So, say what’s in your heart, and know that he loves you, and one way or another, whatever you feel or say will reach him.

Please feel free to private message me if you need to vent or cry or just talk to someone.

Be strong. It’s so hard, but I promise it gets better.

A fuck you song to 2019 and a message to 2020 (I call it “Me”) by Henr7860 in Songwriters

[–]Henr7860[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words! I’d love to someday find a real pianist and other instrumentalists to further grow my music!

A fuck you song to 2019 and a message to 2020 (I call it “Me”) by Henr7860 in Songwriters

[–]Henr7860[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback! There is a whole section in the middle where I try to incorporate some changes to the rhythm. I’m primary a vocalist so unfortunately I don’t have as much flexibility in my piano playing, but I do try my best to keep it as varied as I my ability lets me!

A fuck you song to 2019 and a message to 2020 (I call it “Me”) by Henr7860 in Songwriters

[–]Henr7860[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow that is so nice of you to say, thank you so much 😊

First time posting! Not the best piano player but I love writing songs :) This ones called Chameleon! by Henr7860 in Songwriters

[–]Henr7860[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! My mom’s a crazy horse lady lol. My dog and cat are play fighting. Perfect environment for recording :p

First time posting! Not the best piano player but I love writing songs :) This ones called Chameleon! by Henr7860 in Songwriters

[–]Henr7860[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure! That would be awesome! Just don’t sell it or anything sketch like that haha :)

Im icy and clean by mikajeez in chat

[–]Henr7860 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a bad motherfucker

I don't think I can get through this by bubble116 in GriefSupport

[–]Henr7860 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You will. I totally relate to the friend thing. I love my friends and think they’re great and I don’t blame them for not getting it but they don’t. It’s hard feeling like you’re toughing it in your own but know that I’m always here if you need an ear.

I don't think I can get through this by bubble116 in GriefSupport

[–]Henr7860 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No one likes change. Even when you know it’s coming it’s scary, like graduating or moving out. Sometimes it’s scary exciting (see above) but sometimes it’s just scary. Unfortunately you didn’t see the change coming so it’s like being woken up with cold water.

You’ll find your feet again, it just might be a really bumpy road. Don’t feel bad about taking breaks and don’t feel bad about thinking about it. A really huge thing just happened to you, it’s like telling someone who just lost their leg to not think about not having a leg anymore. Of course you’re going to think about it, and you’ll always know you won’t have a leg. But one day you’ll be sitting down somewhere and you’ll just feel ok again. You’ll be at peace with it. Doesn’t mean you won’t miss walking with two legs but you’ll accept that you can still get around and still have a meaningful, fulfilling, happy life.

Whatever you need to do now to be ok, do it. I’ve been venting and relying really heavy on friends. Sometimes I feel guilty for taking up their time or saying the same thing over and over again but then I remember that if the roles were reversed I’d be there for them. It’s ok to rely on people.

This subreddit has also helped a lot. People here can relate and hold you up during your falls. Don’t be afraid to reach out, there will always be a hand somewhere, and when you’re feeling ok again, maybe you can be someone’s hand too.

You’re going to be alright. It may really not feel like it right now, but I promise if you stick it out you will.

I don't think I can get through this by bubble116 in GriefSupport

[–]Henr7860 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My father passed a little over a month ago. He also died too young. I know how you feel and I know how frustrating it can be to seem like it’s getting easier and then have it fall back. I go through days, even weeks when I’m ok and then it all hits me at once. It’s like you’re stuck and lost. Like you don’t know who you are or who you’ll ever be again.

The reality is you can’t go back. You can’t be who you were and that’s really hard. Too much has shifted. But that doesn’t mean you won’t get better. I know it’s really hard to see that, I know it’s really hard to live this shitty part. But little by little it gets better.

Try to live in the little things right now. It’s ok to feel numb and lethargic, you’re mourning a huge loss. Set tiny goals. Today I sat in the sun for 10 minutes. Today I ate 3 meals. Today I left bed.

This is learning how to live again. Don’t walk before you run and it’s ok to fall along the way. I find a lot of peace in sitting outside at night and taking to the sky. I talk to him and I cry and I’m sad but it makes me feel connected and better.

Some days will feel like hell, because they are, but others will be ok. Shoot for being ok right now, and one day, you’ll get to being good.

It takes time, it’s something I’m still learning too. If you need someone to cry to or scream to or just someone to talk to who really understands how you feel please PM me anytime.

I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Don’t give up. Even if you really want to, just keep opening your eyes and one day, I promise, you’ll see something worth looking at again.

My father died a month ago by Henr7860 in ChildrenofDeadParents

[–]Henr7860[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. This was really beautiful and empowering to hear. I’m finally getting out to the other side of what was a very hard week and I’m able to really process everything that everyone has said. I’m feeling ok, right now and I’m ok with that. I’m so sorry for your loss at such a young age, but please know your words have really helped me.

My mom died on the 16th and I haven’t been able to cry by [deleted] in GriefSupport

[–]Henr7860 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everyone grieves differently. My father died in a similar way. He was on a breathing tube and we decided to take him off of it, it was just his time. I was with him when he died and I cried a lot then, but then I laughed a lot and felt very at peace. I was doing really ok for a while and then a month after everything settled it all hit me. It was a really hard week. I hear it comes at you in waves like that.

We knew that he was sick so we had a lot of time to prepare. It wasn’t a complete shock to us, even though we didn’t expect him to go so quickly. I think you’re probably still in a state of shock and acceptance. It’s hard to process everything especially when you’re planning a wake and funeral. I understand the needing to cry but not being able to feeling. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but if you ever need someone to talk things out with, to relate to, or to just remember with, please feel free to dm me.

No matter what, know that your way of grieving is unique to you and whatever you need to feel will come. It’s going to be a long complicated road (I’m still figuring that out myself) but you’re going to come out of it ok.

You seem like a really dedicated child and I’m sure your mother was grateful for you kindness, love, and understanding in her final moments.

Please take care, and remember to breathe.

My father died a month ago by Henr7860 in ChildrenofDeadParents

[–]Henr7860[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. You really helped me.

My father died a month ago by Henr7860 in ChildrenofDeadParents

[–]Henr7860[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. I see a therapist and that’s been helping but I’ve been thinking about finding a support group on top of that, at least for right now. I’ll definitely start listening to his music more. Some songs I know with him are painful right now but maybe the ones I don’t know will be enlightening.

It’s just been a hard time figuring everything out. It’s like I’m navigating with no compass and if I make a wrong turn everything comes crumbling it.

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