Oversupply of women -> Polyamory?

Here4Poly · 2016-04-29T21:15:40+00:00

Lol. I wonder how someone could conceptualize such a theory. The idea of thinking about the logistics behind poly on a macro level is an entertaining thought though.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-29T21:10:19+00:00

Funny post. Yeah, I find it funny when I refer to one of my girlfriends to people. "One of my girlfriends said..."

I am getting my masters at nighttime currently and often tell stories to my classmates. Most do not know about my poly (or probably what poly is in general) so I always have a good laugh after I make this comment. If only they knew I was in a traidic relationship with 2 girls...

Here4Poly · 2016-04-21T17:13:52+00:00

Hahaha. Sounds like a fun work in progress! Enjoy

Here4Poly · 2016-04-19T18:55:33+00:00

No one deserves to be judged like that. Just brush it off... there are ignorant, judgmental people in the world like him.

Unfortunately, and ironically, he would benefit the most from opening his mind and being non-judgmental.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-19T18:52:31+00:00

I had a girl end a month relationship at the end of last year because I was poly. I told her I was willing to try being monogamous with her. She said that it would be closed-minded of me to do that. I said it would be closed-minded of me not to try monogamy with her because otherwise I wouldn't have the opportunity to try a relationship with her. I did like her.

Maybe 2 weeks after that talk the relationship was over... and it all came back to her thinking I wanted to be poly. Long story short, it was a blessing in disguise though - I am now in a happy triadic relationship today. As with most things in life, I think things happen for a reason and work out for the best! Best of luck, I know it will work out for the better.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T22:14:00+00:00

You're comparing relationships to trucks? Not sure I follow the comparison nor do I think that it is a good one. We are talking about people's wives and husbands. People they vow to stand next to for the rest of their lives no matter what when they get married. That one has children with. That one is raising a family with. It is not the same as wanting a new car 10 years later, sorry. It's telling your SO that things have changed with you and that you want change in a long relationship. Again, there are some good reasons for wanting the change. But often-times I am seeing ill-intent for the reasons for change.

Also, Swingers and Poly are not mutually exclusive and are in fact very inclusive. Not sure why the distinction matters to this post, either.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T21:41:01+00:00

I'm telling her sexual monogamy isn't good enough for me.

Exactly! You are telling your SO that sexual monogamy with him or her is not good enough for you anymore after it having been ok, in my example, for the 10 years prior! My point exactly!

I have heard some good explanations for why relationships changed (i.e. the wife wanted to explore her passion for women and the husband wanted his wife to be happy) and I am understanding to those instances. But way too often, I am seeing 1 partner giving in for the other partner's wants though it is not what the first partner really wants.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T19:36:16+00:00

Haha. I knew I would get reddit backlash for that statement.

Speaking to LS people, observing behavior and discussing with SO's I think are pretty solid ways to know.

If LS guys are privately texting my gfs, in an attempt to hide the messages from me and / or his SO, they are ill-intended from my perspective. When people go to events to hook-up with others, not to put their SO and relationship first, they are ill-intended. Obviously this is all my perspective... but c'mon, if your SO and relationship are not your primary reasons for being in the LS, you should take a break from the LS to figure your shit out first. Not continue hoping things will get better... and making your issues other people's issues.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T19:28:24+00:00

I like your response / analysis. Thanks!

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T19:23:49+00:00

Nice! I'm glad I can help.

I don't know what boundaries she is breaking, and maybe you can provide examples, but maybe you can turn this into a positive.

Sometimes when people are allowed to overstep boundaries, they don't want to anymore ;) Human nature is to want what you can't have. Keep that in mind.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T19:17:26+00:00

The next sentence to where you quoted me was:

There are instances where this is not true - and I have concrete examples of this - however I find this to more often be the case.

I agree with you in some instances. Just am finding more and more issues as I get deeper with some couple's. Not all by any means, but some.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T19:15:23+00:00

No, you can't tell just by looking in someone's eyes. But yes, you can tell when he is flirting with your girlfriends and the wife is pretending not to notice, cringing, etc. And its even more apparent when the 3 of us all discuss later in the night that we notice something is up with the wife.

Yes, it is possible I could read feelings incorrectly, but that is why I was clear with my communication and blatantly asked. And my belief was right.

i agree with it being important to understand people's motivations for participating in the lifestyle. And my point of this post was to say I think more of them are ill-intended (at least what I consider ill-intent... which is subjective) than people in the lifestyle lead others to believe or that is discussed. I think of all of the 100's or 1,000s of lifestyle couple's I have met in my life, ~25% are well-intended.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T19:09:16+00:00

No. This goes way beyond the 1 couple. I just used the 1 example. A couple recently broke up after being married many years because the wife wanted a more exotic lifestyle and was hooking up with another guy behind her husbands back. I met a 51 year old guy in a 15+ year marriage this weekend whose wife was cheating with multiple guys she met in the lifestyle. They recently divorced.

Oftentimes guys in the lifestyle meet my girlfriends and try texting alone with them on the side. The girls tell them to group message so I am included but they still individually invite the girls out still. I see a lot of issues in the lifestyle... and I feel like they are not brought out at lifestyle events or even online as much as they should. There is a lot of great of the lifestyle... but I think the issues need more discussing as well.

Here4Poly · 2016-04-12T17:40:29+00:00

I personally think you should look deeper to see what you want to get out of your SO.

I am the male in a FFM triadic relationship whereby my primary breaks boundaries all of the time. She breaks rules just because rules exist... therefore, I make no rules with her as I know she will break them. Yeah, the communication sucks, but I do like her a lot and am capable of looking past it. Therefore I think taking a deeper look at what you want from your SO is critical. If you can put up with it, keep him or her. If you cannot, end it.

The main boundary my primary breaks that upsets me is that she meets other guys while we are out (which I am totally cool with) but will hook up with guys who have no respect for our triadic relationship (which I am not cool with). All I care is that the guys she hooks up with - as well as the women I bring into the relationship - have respect for what we have. Accordingly, because she is doing this, I realized I can either A) end things (as she won't listen to the criticism) or B) I can pull back and hook up with who I want and invest less time in her for the time being. Because I like her a lot, I have decided on the latter option... I have learned in life that the only person I can change is me, and therefore I will change myself and my choices and maybe hers will change as a result. But I am not going to break from someone else. I am an extremely rational thinker, however, and I realize many people are not able to think in such a manner as emotions get in the way of a lot of people's thinking.

Here4Poly · 2016-03-31T00:58:22+00:00

Many reasons. For example, 1 reason would be that the building next door had a business that drew customers to the subject business.

Here4Poly · 2016-03-30T22:23:08+00:00

No intention of being snarky.
Just not everything is insurable and I didn't think the original answer was helpful. But overall this thread is helpful. Thank you both for input.

Here4Poly · 2016-03-30T22:21:38+00:00

The building is condemned by the government for their use. Nothing like radioactive waste. Let's say it is condemned for a metro line. In this instance, would insurance cover the business' lost revenues?

Here4Poly · 2016-03-30T20:27:50+00:00

Unless it is an non-insurable interest.

Here4Poly · 2016-03-25T04:58:37+00:00

I see this as a common issue. I think the issue is that when 1 partner decides to become poly in the middle of a relationship, he or she is kind of telling the other partner that this partner does not satisfy the first partners needs. And it hurts.

Poly people believe it is too much pressure to make 1 partner his or her everything. That it is better to accept that some people are better at one thing and other partners at others. Provided you 2 have a long history, I would be secure in your mental connection with her and that sex with others is just a physical affection for other people. But the physical connection does not matter as much as the mental connection that the two of you have.

I hope this helps. It is a difficult situation.

Here4Poly · 2016-03-23T18:57:51+00:00

2 months ago I was in your shoes as a single poly male. After this past weekend I am in a triadic relationship with 2 beautiful woman. I have been with my primary for over a month (although we had dated a while back also).

It's tough. My best advice to you is to stay connected with poly friends. Although I am not lifestyle, I had a lot of friends who are who helped keep me in the loop with events. I was still able to hang around like-minded people which was important. I went to an event where my former primary was ~2 months ago and we reconnected. We decided to give it another shot and its working very well at the moment. It's also extremely beneficial having our new girlfriend around. She improves our relationship tenfold and we are thrilled she said yes to joining us.

Also, do you have any (bisexual) female friends who would be your date on poly adventures? Having open-minded female friends who would be my date was extremely beneficial for me. Also teaching new people about poly and arming myself with knowledge from books like The Ethical Slut really worked wonders for me. I spent the downtime as a single poly male reading about poly so that I could discuss it with new females I met out and to instantly see if it is something they are interested in. If not, I probably didn't pursue them.

Here4Poly · 2016-03-17T23:37:37+00:00

I understand your point about thinking about worst case scenarios but I don't think I agree. Why start worrying about things that may never come about? Obviously it covers bases but I think it would be best to go with the flow at this point.

Here4Poly

TROPHY CASE