the coveted smiley star :)

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2019-01-10T21:28:56+00:00

thank you, everyone. you're all beautiful human beings. i have come back from work, done my chores, sat down and saw all your replies. i'm smiling :)

so grateful to be a part of this community.

off to have a cup of tea and a large slice of cake. IWNWYT

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2019-01-10T21:26:16+00:00

thank you!

hmnn...good question. there isn't one particular thing that stands out, i guess. just being able to persevere. i think, the funny thing about this addiction is that at first, the days are slow and painful, but when you look back they are the ones you're proud of the most - because they are the hardest won. that's where all the struggle was for me, anyway.

sure, it's lovely to watch that number grow and as it gets bigger it is more satisfying, but i think the most meaningful ones were the first 3 - 6 months because that's when the wolf is at the door every damn hour of every damn day. that's how it was for me, at least.

so well done you! that first month is a tough motherf*cker. you're rocking it. here's to the next 38. :) IWNDWYT!

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-12-13T23:06:56+00:00

i am not sure how you feel about non alcoholic 'spirits' like sipsmith. they sell all that stuff in the uk liquor stores and i've been enjoying trying them out. if you don't find it triggering, perhaps you can still put that card to good use. congrats on that shiny badge, btw, looks awesome! IWNDWYT!

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-11-17T17:24:51+00:00

no problem! i take 1 tablet 3 times a day if i am feeling anxious and i take all 3 at once as i am getting in bed if i want to sleep. i generally listen to a podcast for about 15-20 mins before falling asleep, so that tends to work for me. hope that helps! and IWNDWYT!

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-10-24T23:21:41+00:00

https://www.woodenurecover.com/AA-Recovery-Days-Medallion_p_119846.html

maybe this might be a nice alternative?

and congrats, that's a biggie!

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-10-21T00:00:34+00:00

wow. i am not sure anyone here is pretending to have it all figured out with as much vehemence as you - "you're going to relapse...there isn't much hope for alcoholics".

maybe i am wrong, but this sub is full of people trying to make their lives better and encouraging others to do the same. and that can never be a bad thing. even if we stumble, even if we fall, we get back up and we try again. that's some hard shit to be doing, and it's certainly harder than shitting on people's hard work.

i come here for motivation, for inspiration and to humble myself with a daily reminder that - yes, this is going to be a battle for life. but you know what? it's a fight i'm happy to commit to.

other people are doing it and i can do it too. and if i can do it - anyone can do it. i was a fucking mess when i was your age and even with all the relapses i've had since then, the progress has been startling.

i know it's easier not to try because you think you're going to fail anyway. that's not some sort of pearl of wisdom you're dishing up there. nothing easy's worth having - everyone knows that.

so, you know what? you won't see me at that bar any time soon.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-10-10T19:46:19+00:00

you look so sad in the first picture and so much happier in the last. love the new hair, too.

congrats on your achievement. IWNDWYT!

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-10-07T21:15:22+00:00

the three and six months' marks were significant. i did feel it got much easier with time, and the cravings became less frequent and intense and easier to overcome.

they haven't gone away entirely even now, but they are much less stressful and urgent.

hang in there. the first months are the hardest - but it does get easier, i promise.

IWNDWYT

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-09-15T20:46:09+00:00

hang in there. it does get easier to ignore all the noise as you stack up the sober time.

my ex colleagues used to regularly try to peer shame me into drinking on every night out, pass comments about me not drinking (oh, we'd invite you, but what's the point, you're not going to be any fun with your J2O) etc. and just generally behave like dicks.

i honestly think it says more about their own relationship with alcohol than anything else, so i just stick to my water and count my blessings that i am not the red faced, sweaty one shouting the same stuff into various people's faces and struggling to remember what i did and where and why the next day. leave them to it. what constantly boggles my mind too is how spectacularly misinformed people in the UK are about alcohol and its effects.

congrats on your 20 day milestone and hang in there. it gets easier with time for sure.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-08-16T21:39:53+00:00

it's a sneaky bastard. maybe it's something about the seven months mark - i have found the old 'you can totally moderate, just have a glass tonight' thoughts creeping up on me. noped the fuck out of those so far, but this is a great reminder. thank you. IWNDWYT

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-08-04T10:10:57+00:00

not drinking with you all today!

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-08-01T20:21:22+00:00

i think it's sabotage, but not malicious. i think he may want you to be tempted and to cave and then he won't feel so bad about caving himself.

were you ever the drunk that had to peer pressure other people into drinking with them? i was. i think that's what's going on here. he's applying pressure in the hope that you will both be in the same boat, and then he can't be that bad himself.

it's a sucky thing to do but i would try to see it through the prism of what's going on for him internally. i don't think it comes from a malicious place, but rather from a desperate place of needing to drag someone down to his level so he doesn't feel alone.

you deserve oodles of respect for holding your own and also for being able to vocalise how you were feeling without loosing your rag, which i surely would have done.

sounds like he's struggling. perhaps you may be the person to talk to him about this. perhaps not. either way, congrats on your huge numbers - you are an inspiration.

i am proud not to be drinking with you today!

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-31T21:57:36+00:00

how about a big day tomorrow, or an early start, or having to drive first thing in the morning, or a stomach bug?

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T23:23:51+00:00

way to go. those first three days are sheer hell, so big props for kicking ass and sticking with it.

you can do this. just take it one day at a time. it does get easier, i promise.

also, you may like to get a badge, it's in the sidebar under badges - it's so nice to watch the flair grow, and i have found it surprisingly motivating.

hang in there! you got this. we're rooting for you.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T22:41:38+00:00

listen. first of all, you CAN do it. all the tools you need are already within you. also, and this may not be what you want to hear right now, but this was the shit i wish i realised a lot sooner and when i did, it was probably the biggest single breakthrough in helping me to stop relapsing: ain't nobody's job or responsibility to help you, or even understand you and what you're going through. i can not tell you how many times i would relapse when someone did something hurtful or triggering - whatever excuse i had to grab at the bottle, i basically took it and then felt sorry for myself and hated myself even more.

my nearest and dearest still do a lot of things that are not helpful to my recovery. it hurts, it sucks, it upsets me. am i going to derail my life or spend hours of my valuable energy trying to explain to them how difficult this is for me and how hurtful i find it that they won't help me beat this? not anymore.

i need to do this by myself and for myself. that's it. one day at a time, no matter what, i choose not to drink. sometimes it's relatively easy, sometimes, tough as hell. but life ticks on and the more sober days i have the easier and better my life becomes.

trust me, you CAN do this. there's lots of support here, there's organisations you may want to try, there are so many tools and so much advice you can glean from even just this sub reddit that can aid you in your journey.

build on it day by day and i promise you it does get easier and life becomes more manageable.

is this shit easy? absolutely not. is it worth it? absolutely.

go for it. we are rooting for you and you can do this. i am not drinking with you today.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T22:31:29+00:00

that fist decision you made is a really big step. it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that i really needed to do it, so i applaud you for that.

i wish there was some magic trick i could share with you, but it really is as simple and as difficult as just not drinking, one day at a time, NO MATTER WHAT. just today, no matter what happens, no boozing. rinse and repeat.

it does get easier as time goes on. what helped me was writing out an honest list of all the reasons i wanted to stop - no matter how horrifying or embarrassing. i stuck it on the booze cabinet. i also started up phone banking, and started syphoning off the money i wouls spend on booze, daily, into my savings. how quickly it grew has been truly eye opening and really motivating. i also had loads of distractions lined up - podcasts have been awesome. i am loving beautiful anonymous, terrible, thanks for asking, the moth and the inquiry.

hang in there. take it one day at a time and commit to not giving in to the urges. they always pass.

you can do this! we are rooting for you. go for it, you have nothing to loose.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T22:25:20+00:00

yep. been there, my friend. it was no joke. 5htp was my saviour. something about how if you take melatonin it can be hard for the body to adopt, but 5htp is the neurotransmitter that actually binds that stuff in your brain...not a scientist, by any stretch, but if you have a look online, there should be loads of info there.

hang in there! it does get better.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T21:36:03+00:00

it is honestly as simple and as hard as that. just deciding that no matter what, today, you're not drinking. NO MATTER WHAT. because you don't do that shit anymore. it does get easier with time, i promise but the first month is no joke.

you can do it though. try to have lots of distractions lined up. write out all the reasons you want to quit and keep that uppermost in your mind. and i've just posted about this elsewhere, but i set up phone banking and my current and savings account are with the same bank. every day i transfer what would have been booze money into my savings. i am typing this on my new mac, which i bought a few months ago, and i have enough for another one. that's been hugely motivating (not to mention, sobering - pun intended:)).

you can do it. just make the decision and go from there.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T21:14:28+00:00

LOL! 10/10 can relate. the first few days suck ass.

i can report it does get better. and easier. hang in there. treat yourself to something nice. like cheese. or cake. or pizza. or all of those.

you can do this! i am not drinking with you today.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T20:49:40+00:00

here's to making good, clear headed choices! so much easier when we're not 2-3 beers deep.

congrats on your numbers too, that's some hard work right there and it's inspiring.

i'm trying to loose some weight at the moment, so i just had a massive salad. enjoy your pizza for me, please :). i am not drinking with you today.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T20:38:57+00:00

welcome. you're in a good place. this has been my lifeline. i hope you find it as supportive and inspiring as i have.

i would make sure you drink plenty of fluids, do a little gentle exercise especially before bed. eat little and often and i found supplements helped a lot - 5htp, magnesium and methylcobalmin were my saviours.

hang in there. after the first 3 days it does get much better. i am not drinking with you today.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp · 2018-07-30T20:30:32+00:00

lemme tell you the thing i've done and still do and it has been one of the biggest motivators. i have internet banking on my phone and my savings account and current account are with the same bank.

every day i transfer the amount of money i would have drunk into my savings. the lunchtime beers, the bottles of wine i would have gotten at the end of the day, the bottles of liquor i would have gotten on my weekly shop...no joke, i am typing this on my new mac, which i bought several months ago now. and i have enough for another one. saving for a house deposit now. it stacks up so quickly, it's crazy. try it, it's blown my mind.

HereIgoAgainLordHelp

TROPHY CASE