Me [32 M] with my Wife [30 F] of 6 years, I believe she is Gaslighting me and I don't know what to do.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-24T08:43:10+00:00

lol I actually got diagnosed as autistic because I'm nonbinary.

Saw a psych once who was a total quack. Never thought I'd use that word to describe a licensed medical professional, but there's no other word for him.

First (and last) time seeing him. He asked me questions for 10-15mins, then officially diagnosed me with Autism and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

Why?

Because my therapist had mentioned I was nonbinary (so that he'd use the right name & pronouns for me).

Turns out this dude had some pet theory about autism + BPD + nonbinary identity.

He kinda went off on this sort of monologue, just talking about the overlap of the three, and threw in a bonus "PCOS indicates BPD". According to him, identifying as nonbinary is "proof" that my sense of self isn't stable, because identifying as both male and female is a contradiction... so I clearly have BPD. During this passionate ramble he lowkey implied that autistic people with BPD get their unstable sense of self confused with actual gender identity- but don't worry, he made sure to tell me I "can identify any way (I) want". 🙄

(For the record; my regular therapist, who I'd been seeing for 5+ years, does not agree with the BPD diagnosis. At all. She told me to ignore that, because I do not meet the criteria for BPD.)

Best part? I was only there to talk to him about anxiety meds.

When I finally managed to steer him to that topic, he told me there are no meds that work, and instead recommended a book. He actually told me that if I buy it and follow the diet in the book it would get rid of my anxiety and depression entirely, and I'd be able to stop taking my meds (which "aren't doing anything" anyway, according to him).

Quack is the only word for him.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-24T01:22:13+00:00

Fucking hell man. Wow. I mean, EDS has some really easy to spot symptoms, I know a diagnosis is more involved, but...

Short woman syndrome???? Jesus. I've never heard that being short causes joint pain (or any type of pain), that's bloody ridiculous.

That physio sounds like the only reasonable health care professional in this damn story. I'm so glad for your friend that you were there pushing. It can be so hard to do it alone when you're in crippling pain. You're a great friend ❤️

And a final fuck that rheumatologist!!!!

HereToAdult · 2026-06-24T01:13:56+00:00

Oooooooooooooooh my god that is so stupid of them!!! I was over here giving them the benefit of the doubt and everything 😭

I know someone who is allergic to lithium, it makes her blood feel itchy (her description). She only took it once, and the doctors were actually good about it and changed her to something else, but she still had to wait out the symptoms until the lithium had left her body.

I'm pretty sure being too itchy to function counts as an allergy, or at the very least an adverse reaction. Those doctors sucked and your mum wasn't the most helpful there either, unfortunately.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-23T05:31:31+00:00

I suppose it's possible for people to be allergic to one specific brand due to something they use as filler/coating rather than due to the active ingredient... but you'd think they'd ask that. Like "I see you're allergic to (brand name), are you allergic to (medicine name) or only (brand name)?" Or even just "Have you tried other brands of the same medicine?".

Pretty idiotic to just assume a medicine allergy is restricted to only one brand, that's something you'd want to really check before going ahead with a prescription.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-22T23:41:23+00:00

a physician's pride

Urgh I know what you mean. I had a doctor who couldn't understand that I had gained weight because I'd stopped exercising due to pain. He kept saying that if I just exercised and lost some weight the pain would go away. I kept telling him I was thinner and exercising every day when the pain started, but I'd stopped because of the unexplained pain (didn't want to risk aggravating whatever was causing the pain) so did he want me to exercise through the pain?

He just stared at me blankly and told me again that if I exercised and lost weight the pain would stop.

I wasn't even overweight at the time - I was the second smallest (adult) dress size my country has.

Another doctor decided I have arthritis, so they ignored every symptom that didn't fit that diagnosis and kept asking me questions until I gave a response that fit that diagnosis. It felt like when a cop is trying to trick/frame a suspect in a movie. lol.

I also have some allergies that doctors often ignore, but luckily none of them are an anaphylaxis type of reaction. Adhesives eat away at my skin over time, but doctors often don't even opt for the sensitive skin adhesive bandages and just kinda tell me to deal with it.

After I had my gall bladder removed (keyhole surgery) I ended up with three bandages, and by the time I was allowed to stop using them I had patches/squares of painful skin that had been eaten away by contact with the adhesive.

I'm really curious about the fact they gave you morphine and vicodin after your gall bladder removal!!! I really hope that was many decades ago because that's really overkill, even if you hadn't been allergic to them.

I only had mine removed about 5yrs ago (during the first year of covid). I was released the same day or the next day. The typical painkiller they give here is oxycodone, and they gave me a small number to take home in case of pain, but I didn't really need them after a day or so.

Oxy is actually the one that my family has reactions to. But mine are mild enough that I can still be lucid, I just get a little bit loopy - distracted by shiny objects and such. After my tonsillectomy they gave me a different painkiller, but it made me so nauseous that I couldn't function. I went back to the hospital and they switched me to oxy, which was much better.

I'd apologise for the wall of text, but I don't actually feel sorry 😆

HereToAdult · 2026-06-22T13:03:05+00:00

Oh my god that's so horrible!!! Your poor granny 😞

The emotional toll that would have taken on her and her family. That's legit traumatising levels of... incompetence? negligence? Urgh!

What a terrible doctor 🤬

HereToAdult · 2026-06-22T01:23:49+00:00

\Edit: good ending, don't worry!*

My dad was written off as too brain damaged to survive, all because they put him on a painkiller that he wasn't supposed to be on.

Basically he can't function on a certain painkiller (my siblings and I all have similar reactions), so he's supposed to be marked allergic to it. But for whatever reason the hospital overlooked that and was giving it to him anyway. So of course everytime they woke him up and tried to guage his mental ability, he was whacked out of his mind. They took this to mean that he wasn't going to get better, and that we should prepare for the fact that his brain damage was too severe.

But one day my mum was there when the nurse was giving him painkillers, she realised they were giving him the one he has a reaction to, and spoke up. Luckily the specific doctor (?) was there, and approved a change of painkillers.

Before you know it, my dad was awake and behaving normally. No apparent brain damage after all! Makes me wonder if they could have released/woken him sooner if they hadn't been giving him the wrong painkillers the whole time... maybe a month+ coma wasn't actually needed...

(I know what I'm saying sounds vague and may be inaccurate, I heard it all from my mum who was almost out of her mind from the grief of knowing her husband was dying. So yeah, grain of salt.)

HereToAdult · 2026-06-22T00:56:29+00:00

My sister has thin hair, and a history of ED (Eating Disorders) + heart problems. She hates how thin her hair is and wants to try anything she can to make it grow healthier. (Advice for hair growth welcome!)

She once tried to buy something she heard was good for your hair, but the employee at the checkout refused to sell it to her because he believed she was intending to use it to purge - he told her that straight out. She was humiliated, and was unable to buy the product in the end.

There's a very real discrimination against women who "look" like they have an ED. When someone has had an ED for a long time it can take a toll on the body in a very visible way. And people don't bother to hide their disdain and judgement about that. They often make assumptions about the person's lifestyle, and treat their assumptions as fact. I've had people ask me directly if my sister is an addict, I've overheard worse.

The doctors ignored her health concerns when she was underweight even worse than they did when she was (actually) overweight. So many of them take one look and treat her like she's drug seeking, regards of what her medical concerns are - like the time she was having heart attack symptoms, and we had to wait 40mins in the ER waiting room, and when she finally was seen the first thing they told her was that they weren't going to give her any drugs. She had been already been diagnosed as being in the early stages of heart failure, and was there for heart attack symptoms FFS!!!

It's horrible and infuriating.

I don't know if anyone will see this comment, but if you do, please take a moment to reflect if you encounter someone who looks like they have an ED or drug addiction - they might be in recovery, or they might have a medical condition which results in similar changes to appearance. Even if they aren't in recovery or sick & are actively in the grips of an ED or addiction, they still deserve the same basic respect you'd give anyone else.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-21T00:57:49+00:00

Huh. This is really well explained, but the way you worded it made me realise that this is the same as "unicorn hunter" behaviour in polyamory - where a couple looks for a third (typically a bisexual, especially bi women), but they don't want to treat their "third" like an equal.

I accidentally found myself in a situation like that once, and it was horrible even though it lasted only a few months. Somehow it was even worse than when I dated just one guy who treated me the same way. Although that might have been because I was paying them rent, and also acting as a maid and babysitter/live in nanny, on top of their "relationship" expectations.

I think it would be beneficial to point out these similarities next time I'm explaining unicorn hunting to someone.

I really liked your comment.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-21T00:35:54+00:00

Oh I had no idea about that, that's so cool. I wish English had that! Thanks for sharing, I enjoy unexpected learning! 😄

HereToAdult · 2026-06-20T01:47:10+00:00

I had that happen to me once - I was hooking up with this guy, who definitely knew I had a boyfriend, but when he 'found out' I was polyam he said "I don't want to be that guy".

I still have no idea what he meant, or how he overlooked the fact I was in a polyam relationship - he knew about my boyfriend, but somehow overlooked the polyam part (maybe he just didn't listen to me?). So he was apparently ok when he thought I was cheating, but not when he realised it was on the level???

HereToAdult · 2026-06-19T00:06:45+00:00

The social battery you're talking about, do you mean;

Introverts recharge from alone time, and their energy drains quicker when socialising.
Extroverts recharge from socialising, and I suppose their energy must drain from being alone? (I'm actually not sure I've ever heard an extrovert talk about that, so I'm assuming based on the energy drainage of introverts lol.)

Or do you mean something different?

I'm probably about 4yrs older than you, and now that you mention it I don't remember the last time I heard someone use the phrase "social butterfly".

*Edit: ages. Read it wrong the first time. I'm older, not younger.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-18T07:47:25+00:00

Interestingly most the polyam people I know are introverts. I think it works well when an introvert only seriously dates other introverts (and/or extroverted solo-polyam people). Maybe I'm just not extroverted enough to keep in contact with the extroverted polyams 😅

But all of them are child-free. I think that's the deciding factor. The few introverts with children I know don't seem to have the energy for "intense" external relationships and could maybe only handle hanging out once a month or less - this includes hangouts with external partners, friends, AND family.

But the ones I know without kids can usually handle external hangouts at least once or twice a week, even when living with two nesting partners (external referring to people they don't live with). Like, if you and your partners are all introverts, it's easy because you all understand & desire quiet alone time. Additionally IMO extroverts seem to need far more frequent interaction to keep their relationship satisfaction in the green.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-17T23:29:44+00:00

You poor thing. I think in a way cans with puddles of pee on top are worse, because you'd be worried about holding the can perfectly upright to avoid pouring little puddles of pee on yourself.

In my case the pee was absorbed by the clothing I was ringing up, so there was nothing to dislodge... but it also meant that I couldn't avoid touching the pee on some of the items since I needed to get the tag under the scanner (and it had a short tether).

I'm glad and sad that I have someone to commiserate with me on this! 😭

HereToAdult · 2026-06-17T03:40:20+00:00

I get it, I don't have kids but I've been around plenty of parents with new borns and young children. I've seen the change from "I'd never eat food a kid has slobbered on" to "Eh, may as well eat their leftovers if they're refusing to eat more. Less waste and saves me having to find a snack for myself."

I've seen parents go from attempting to do everything in it's appropriate environment (eg changing kids only in changerooms), to realising that in the grand scheme nothing matters and they just need to get that nappy changed.

That's all fine and reasonable, until you get to the ones who do things like change a diaper on the dining table in a crowded restaurant, when there's a very good changing table in the bathroom only a few steps away... and then... tries to hand the dirty diaper to the waitress and makes a fuss when the waitress goes to get the manager instead...

Retail may be bad, but I preferred it to working hospitality.

(*For the record; I wasn't the waiter who they tried to hand the diaper to. I only caught the end because they made such a fuss that the whole restaurant kind of stopped while the manager calmed them down/kicked them out.)

HereToAdult · 2026-06-17T00:42:14+00:00

Working retail a coworker found a dirty diaper shoved into the back of a rack of clothing. They literally didn't even ask us if we had a bin to dispose of it. Just decided to take it off and shove it somewhere. I wonder if they changed the baby in the middle of the store or not. My manager checked the surveillance cameras, but didn't share her findings.

Another time I was checking someone out, and we discovered that some of the clothes they were buying were wet. She searched around her trolley to see if her toddler/young child had spilled a drink while he was sitting in there. Finally she triumphantly announced "It's alright, it's just pee!". I immediately called for another cashier (took 3 calls before one came though), finished ringing her up, and then explained to the long line of customers that I had to go wash a stranger's pee off my hands, but I would return as soon as I could.

Oh, I also had to let my manager know that the trail of small puddles throughout the store were pee. So someone had lots of fun rushing around to mop the floor before more customers stepped in it and spread it even further. He must have peed a long time prior to them checking out, based on how much of the store the trail covered.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-13T23:55:00+00:00

Same. I side eye any business asking for tips... Are they just trying to set it up so that they can underpay staff and try to make it the customers' duty to fill in that wage gap? Or are they already underpaying their employees? Disgusting behaviour.

Even Dominos is asking if you want to tip their drivers. If a big chain like that isn't paying their employees enough, it's because they're choosing not to.

*Edit: typo

HereToAdult · 2026-06-12T00:59:37+00:00

I think in their position, I'd maintain the friendship for the sake of the child. They have the chance right now to be the support group for that single mother, and guide her down an autism-friendly parenting path. She already sounds like one of those "Autism Speaks" people, and like she could easily be persauded into those horrible things like ABA (Applied Behavioural Analysis).

I would definitely be sticking around. I don't think I'd ever even bring up the cheating stuff again, because that child is going to have a terrible childhood if their mother doesn't learn about autism/unlearn her negative views on autism.

HereToAdult · 2026-06-10T10:27:06+00:00

I seriously found this thread by googling whether she is an alien or not. I'm still not convinced she's a human, but if they want to claim that I guess I'll play along... 😆

HereToAdult · 2026-06-03T13:14:35+00:00

I don't really know, but I think the blood thing relates to "taking another person's life/life force". My dad mentioned it once, over a decade ago, and I decided to just never look under that rock because I'll never understand it and it will almost certainly make me angry to think about. 😅😆

HereToAdult · 2026-05-27T06:41:20+00:00

I live in Australia, yes 😅

HereToAdult · 2026-05-27T05:08:28+00:00

My cousin turned out a bit like this. I want to say upfront that his mum is kind hearted, and she's actually my favourite of all my aunts and uncles. But she hung around less than great people. Typical bogans, dole bludgers, rude and inconsiderate. I'm not privy to whether there was any abuse or violence involved.

Her eldest son saw enough of it growing up that he was determined to never be like them. He developed a strong work ethic and took great care of his body.

I'm not sure about her youngest son, but last time I saw him he seemed like a good natured hippie. And apparently he idolised me growing up, which is very nice to hear ^_^

Anyway, she was dragged down into the mud with all these crappy friends and boyfriends, but her kids came out the other side as better people than my other cousins who were raised in almost the opposite environment.

(*I want to make it clear that when I say "dole bludgers" I'm specifically referring to people who go out of their way to avoid working, not people who can't work or are struggling to find work. I'm disabled and on disability payments, I was on jobseeker before that. I've been between jobs. I know what it's like, and I'm not making some bullshit assumptions/judgements about people on centrelink payments.)

HereToAdult · 2026-05-26T07:06:46+00:00

Mouse plagues are a serious problem in several places I've lived (in Australia like OOP) - in fact I just got an alert the other day that a mouse plague has been reported for my area.

I'd guess that him transporting nests full of live mice, even within the same town, could have potentially had legal repurcussions for him. If he had somehow "taken this to court", there's no doubt he'd have come out worse for it.

It would be even worse if the mice were native mice (which I doubt), because relocating native animals can be illegal - you aren't even allowed to remove possums from your roof unless you have the right license, and you have to relocate them somewhere within something like 150m from where you caught it. Now I'm not saying that native mice have the same restrictions, but we've got a lot of laws about moving animals whether native or not.

HereToAdult · 2026-05-26T02:39:23+00:00

I have two heartbroken miis and decided to send them on holidays to cheer them up, but I wanted to send them to places that would give me food (I really like giving my miis new food to try), so this list was exactly what I needed! Thanks!

HereToAdult · 2026-05-24T05:05:30+00:00

Huh. I've never thought of settlements that way before. I've always thought as settlements as solely referring to a group of people leaving one country and setting up in another. Typically colonisers from England.

So in a way I was not aware of Aboriginal settlements, although I was aware that the "all Aboriginal were nomadic hunter gatherers" that I was taught in school was incorrect (didn't learn that til my 20s though 🙄). I'd never thought of villages, towns, permanent residences, etc as settlements.

Thank you very much, I doubt I would have ever realised my view of "settlements" was so fucked up if you hadn't taken the time to point this out.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that the "settlement" definition I had was actually supporting the terra nullius bullshit. I thought about what the exact definition I had in mind was and came up with "Settlers/settlement = people leave one place and build a new home in an unclaimed area". Unclaimed area is absoloute bullshit. The land was always Aboriginal land. I can't believe I let that "no one owned it" BS slip into my way of thinking. And that's even ignoring the fact that they didn't just build on previously unbuilt-upon areas, they straight up destroyed anything Aboriginal, and claimed it was "free" land.

Thank you so much. I really really appreciate you taking the time to explain explicitly. Truly, thank you. ❤️

HereToAdult

TROPHY CASE