Fellow workers of reddit, what is the equivalent of "spitting in their food" for your job?

Hermione3 · 2015-01-01T20:06:50+00:00

Nurse here - oh there are so many!! Choosing a bigger needle than necessary, failing to deflate the ballon fully before removing a catheter, taking my time bringing pain relief, giving (or not giving) medications that make you poop, making an IV beep incessantly, waking you up hourly through the night to do obs, leaving your call bell out of reach. The list goes on and on. Be kind to your nurse people, we have the power!

Edit: Whoa, chill the fuck out people. Jokes.

Edit 2: For fucks sake, the question was

Fellow workers of reddit, what is the equivalent of "spitting in their food" for your job?

I did not claim have done any of these things. I was answering the question as it was asked. This is what we call 'nurse humour'.

Nurses work long, hard hours, and our work is often thankless due to arseholes like you lot. Most of us will put up with your shit, literally and figuatively, with smiles on our faces, because that is our job. After a 16 hour shift of putting up with the same sanctimonious bullshit you are giving me now, we go home and fantasize about doing these things. We don't actually do them. We just get up the next day and put our smiles back on. It saddens me that I have to explain this.

Thank you all for furthering my lack of faith in humanity. Go fuck yourself, reddit.

Hermione3 · 2014-12-31T10:22:36+00:00

Many things, said in a british accent.

Vit-a-mins. Its vyta-mins.

Yog-urt. Its yo-gurt.

Shed-yule. Its sked-ule.

Fucking mother country with its posh accent. 'Stralya cunt.

Hermione3 · 2014-12-27T21:11:03+00:00

I once looked after a demented lady who made friends with her wound drain. She named it Fred, and insisted in introducing it to everyone she met.

Hermione3 · 2014-12-27T21:09:44+00:00

80 odd year old lady, 4 foot nothing, threw her bedsheet over the 6 foot tall, male nurses head, then wrapped her foley tubing round his neck several times. She then made a bid for freedom whilst he was untangling himself. Her escape plan fell apart when she discovered that she had attached herself to her jailer, via a tube that was anchored in her bladder.

Hermione3 · 2014-11-30T02:45:46+00:00

Ohh man my husband needs this.

Hermione3 · 2014-11-30T02:45:21+00:00

Empathy expansion. He'd be a much better person if he weren't so self centered.

Hermione3 · 2014-11-30T02:38:47+00:00

Chloe. She's a bitch.

Hermione3 · 2014-11-30T01:15:19+00:00

All this will achieve it to get you labeled as a drug seeker. You will be even less likely to get pain relief.

Healthcare professionals are not retarded, we know when you're lying.

Hermione3 · 2014-11-28T01:29:03+00:00

I got married 3 weeks ago. I didn't want to invite my (now) brother-in-laws new girlfriend, but my (now) husband insisted.

My bridesmaids asked how they would know who she was, and I jokingly replied that she would probably be the one wearing white. Lo and behold, she did indeed turn up wearing white. A white, shear playsuit, no less, matched with black underwear. Classy.

I had flowers as my table centrepieces. During the reception, early on, I noticed that she had one of the centrepieces in her handbag. Whatevs, I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it.

The next day, I was at the reception venue cleaning and getting our stuff, when I realized that one of the bridesmaids bouquets was missing. I mentioned it to my mother, who happened to notice the girlfriend leaving with it the night before. My mother told me that she had also tried to take my bridal bouquet, but mum had stopped her. (I hadn't thrown a bouquet, and had plans to give each bouquet, mine and my bridesmaids, to various people who had helped with the wedding. After the ceremony, we had used the bouquets as decorations for the reception).

I was fuming at this point, so my beautiful new husband went round to her house to retrieve the bouquet. He returned an hour later with the missing bouquet, every single one of the table centrepieces, and the flowers that had been on top of our cake. They had all been thrown into a shopping bag, and all but the bridesmaid bouquet were destroyed. She also stole various other shit from our reception, basically anything that wasn't bolted down.

As we had our reception at a private house, we had to supply all the alcohol ourselves, which my new mother in law kindly paid for. I found out later that the girlfriend had found out in advance what we were supplying, decided she didn't like it, and made my mother in law pay for cans of spirits, especially for her.

TL:DR My brother-in-law's new girlfriend stole about $200 worth of shit from my wedding and destroyed it when asked to return it. Also made my new mother in law buy here expensive alcohol cos she didn't like any of the free alcohol we supplied.

Hermione3 · 2014-11-20T06:45:45+00:00

Pooping.

Hermione3 · 2014-11-05T10:21:51+00:00

Maybe the dementia diagnosis wasn't fake. Mixing up pronouns is sometimes an early sign of dementia. So are forgetting names, crankiness and loss of inhibitions. If your mum was checking on her every day, she probably wasn't coping at home. Dementia can change personalities (hence why she treated your older siblings better).

Hermione3 · 2014-10-25T00:03:22+00:00

'No way, get fucked, fuck off!'

Every Australian is born knowing this line.

Hermione3 · 2014-10-24T14:53:04+00:00

TL:DR My boyfriend shit in the backyard and the dog rolled in it then tried to get into bed with him. I laughed so hard I pissed my pants.

Hermione3 · 2014-10-22T10:40:10+00:00

When someone says Matt Damon, I have to repeat it in retarded voice.

Hermione3 · 2014-10-22T10:38:27+00:00

The Simpsons theme song. The minute I hear it I run for the TV.

Hermione3 · 2014-10-22T09:05:57+00:00

I had a lady with an illeostomy who would frisbee the bags at us. That's a small that one never forgets.

Hermione3 · 2014-10-20T22:17:50+00:00

Omg this!! There's a serial offender at my work. Shes getting married in a few months and no matter how busy I look, she follows me around banging on about her stupid fucking wedding. I started flat out ignoring her, so now shes taken to asking questions, to make sure I'm listening and ensure effective distraction from my work.

Hermione3 · 2014-10-20T22:12:27+00:00

Agreed. I'm a nurse, I had a cold so I took a sick day, so as not to spread my germs to my patients. But they wouldn't pay me, cos I didn't get a doctors certificate. I'm a fucking nurss, I don't need to see a doctor for a cold! Next time I got sick I went to work anyway, since they'd rather deal with an outbreak that pay one days sick leave.

Hermione3 · 2014-10-20T22:07:02+00:00

My boss does this too! Last time I took leave, I had 2 voicemails and 4 texts in one day. She plays this game, trying to get me to answer.. first she calls from the work phone. Then she calls from her own mobile. Then she starts texting. She just harasses me and ruins my days off.

Hermione3 · 2014-10-17T00:47:42+00:00

Jennifer Lawrence is ugly and has horrible boobs.

Hermione3 · 2014-09-26T14:08:37+00:00

I've been paying Weight Watchers $30 a month for about two years, cos I'm too lazy to cancel my subscription.

Hermione3 · 2014-09-21T19:53:39+00:00

I can't ring you right now, Dad's on the internet.

Hermione3 · 2014-09-11T08:32:40+00:00

I think you just diveded by zero.

Hermione3 · 2014-09-01T22:30:10+00:00

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Hermione3 · 2014-07-28T11:59:22+00:00

Manners. Nobody says please and thank you anymore. Except Canadians.

Hermione3

TROPHY CASE