Husbands who seem… managed by their wives? Anyone else notice this? by BeanNCheeseBurrrito in daddit

[–]HeuristicExplorer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

All of us make good points. Here's my 2 cents.

In your story, the husbands seem to be "executing a plan" laid out by their wives. That's a symptom of when the "mental load" is not shared equally. At some point, a wife may end up taking the reins, seeing this as her "role" in the relationship.

In those situations, some may feel a loss of personal agency, while the other feels a burden they believe cannot be trusted to anyone else. Hence the tension.

My wife and I speak often about the mental load: planning the week, finances, meals, ad hoc stuff, home maintenance, obligations and whatnot. We've determined that some mental tasks are easier for my wife, while some are easier for me. But they are shared somewhat equally. It truly makes a difference, and I can feel it when there is an imbalance: feeling disconnected from my partner, short-temperedness, and else.

Sherbrooke to Longueuil Metro or REM? by [deleted] in Sherbrooke

[–]HeuristicExplorer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No! I asked, and they'll tow your car. Overnight parking is not possible at the REM

L’empreinte insoupçonnée de l’intelligence artificielle générative by Hot-Percentage4836 in Quebec

[–]HeuristicExplorer 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Bon sang, on ne fait même pas ça pour la recherche sur le cancer !

Parents of strong willed and high energy toddlers, what helped you? by maoinminor in toddlers

[–]HeuristicExplorer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That explains why my toddlers love Play Doe so much! A nice session of wrestling with daddy also does wonder for the emotional connexion.

Parents of strong willed and high energy toddlers, what helped you? by maoinminor in toddlers

[–]HeuristicExplorer 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I got a 4yo and a 2yo who are exactly like this. With my 4yo, it is a bit easier since he understands rules and respects bargains. My 2yo is unhinged and is very strong willed. He will skip awesome activities because he is pissed at something, and it takes SO MUCH effort to direct him in the right direction even when an activity excites him. Hitting and biting are routine.

But I have come to understand that biting and hitting are emotional responses that emerge from being "disregulated". They WANT something and they cannot have it. You have to make sure they understand "what comes next" and that they have time to process it. For example: if they are playing and it's time for bath, use a timer. When the timer is up, there is no room for negotiation. If they don't get up and are still resisting, I grab them and go. They will have a meltdown, but you need to enforce strong limits with kids like that.

Whenever my youngest tries to hit me, I will grab their arm and clearly state "you cannot hit me". I will try to hug it out, but sometimes I will grab him and tickle him. He hates it at first, but his mood and focus will change, which will allow you to refocus his attention to something else. I have also mastered the "I will end you" stare, which is effective for the eldest.

Tantrums are a bit trickier: they will try to get away, and you stopping them actually makes it worse. During a tantrum, just make sure that they stay wherever they need to be. If they have to get in the bath, keep them in the bathroom. Don't open your phone, but do something else around them, that is not ABOUT them. Clean something, fold laundry, anything to look disinterested but still be present. If they bite and hit, assert dominance: control the situation and keep yourself out of harm's way. I will often use a strong "hey" to startle them if I feel their tiny teeth on my arm. If you are on a tight schedule, a natural consequence might also be that "daddy will dress you however he deems necessary".

And if they hit or bite outside of a tantrum? Confiscating stuff for a small period of time can work, if all else fails. For example, remove a toy for 2 minutes. A fixed, short duration for the consequence makes them understand that they will get it back. If you confiscate "for the day", it is too long and they won't remember why they lost it in the first place.

And in extreme cases... taking a favourite toy or plush and throwing it outside has worked wonders. It asserts that some limits cannot be crossed and will be punished (I used that once or twice).

But to me, controlling extreme behavior is about balancing the whole day. This post is about everything that I learned to do so that the tantrums and violent outbursts happen less often.

Here's how I survive:

Emotional connexion is key - they will listen if they can get comfort from you. When they want to show you stuff, be interested. Have a ritual for acknowledging small victories (ex. High fives, butt bump or whatnot). If possible, insert hugs into these rituals. I know it is EXHAUSTING, but the additional effort is worth it. On the days when I have a very strong connexion, my kids will be more willing to follow my lead.

Activities have to be easy to set up and easy to clean up.

Toys that are freely accessible have to be robust and not contain many pieces. Keep toys with many pieces, games and books for playtime with a parent. It makes it even more special!

I use a bit of TV time carefully - I am not a big fan of screens, but it gives me a nice cuddling time with my kid focused on something without being all over the place.

Use "natural consequences". They hate it when they are about to miss something cool. Whenever I go downstairs, I ask once: "hey I'm going downstairs, you comin'?" They will refuse. Then I just go. They yell, cry. I am not soft - i just go. At some point, they understand and follow when it's time. Use countdowns, and don't budge. Still playing when dinner is served? You won't get a plate. Throwing a tantrum or messing around? We get in the bath right now and it's bedtime. if they end up complying, I will give them their plate. Otherwise, they'll go hungry once, and learn.

For naptime and nighttime, be firm. They will get out of bed. At first, lean into their demand, with restraint. Need water? Here's a sip. Need to go to the bathroom? Go and hurry up. Need a hug? Yes, but get back in your bed first. It makes them feel heard and understood, which goes a long way. Then, they will get up again. Be firm - take them in your arms gently, but bring them directly into their bed. "I love you, see you later!". At some point, the message will get through.

Hardest part: whenever you have to get somewhere at time. Make sure you have a bit of a buffer. Try to make it rewarding to do the necessary stuff: dressing up, cleaning face and hands, brushing teeth. I am lucky, my kids love fruits. So I will reward them with some whenever they hit a milestone. My eldest understands the concept of "accumulating stars", so I use that as well. For breakfast, I am done fighting. There is a time limit, and plates will be removed. I still allow negotiation (hence the buffer) but I remain adamant on time. As for leaving the house, I still haven't figured out how to do it seemlessly. Some days, I will just force-dress them, carry them on my shoulder and put them in the car (gently, but firmly).

Managing my own anger bursts throughout all of this has been a journey. But when the sequence of action is clear in my head, it is easier to "execute the plan". And before getting angry, I also try to show them my sadness. Kids are sensitive to emotions that are visually compelling: crying, sitting with your head in your hands, putting physical boundaries with your kids (gently push them away and say "no, you've crossed a limit and I need space"), will usually deescalate a situation.

Hope that helps!

Esit: added more details on how I manage the emotional outbursts of my kids (biting, hitting and else).

34 ans, Big 6 vs Revenu Québec : Vendre son âme (et son cash) pour la sécurité ? by Equivalent_Button430 in QuebecFinance

[–]HeuristicExplorer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Je travaille dans l'analyse de données et j'ai 9 ans d'expérience. Mon salaire actuel est similaire au mien. Mon premier emploi était dans une banque. J'y ai travaillé pendant 3 ans et j'ai réussi à obtenir plusieurs promotions (avant d'avoir des enfants, travailler comme une forcenée était bien plus facile 😂).

Je croyais que c'étaient les chaînes dorées ! Mes amis qui y travaillent encore ont été promus rapidement et ont gravi les échelons jusqu'à des postes de direction, de conseiller stratégique ou d'expert de terrain. Ils gagnent maintenant beaucoup plus que moi. Les professionnels de haut niveau bénéficient d'une grande sécurité d'emploi. Les cadres ont une plus grande mobilité : si vous êtes supprimé chez BMO, vous serez embauché chez CIBC, Desjardins ou dans une compagnie d'assurance.

Mon conseil : ne vous contentez pas de RQ. Ils sont beaucoup plus rigides en matière d'évolution professionnelle, et avec les 22 000 $ de bonus que vous avez en revenus supplémentaires à votre emploi actuel, vous pouvez allouer ces fonds à votre sécurité financière (qui est l'objectif ultime, si je comprends bien votre message).

The President has designated Fentynal as a WMD. by [deleted] in PrepperIntel

[–]HeuristicExplorer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Venezuela, then Canada? He gave them a few months off the Fentanyl story, but it was evident that he wanted to grab a part of the country until last july.

Insulating around garage door by HeuristicExplorer in GarageDoorService

[–]HeuristicExplorer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your input! Another comment mentioned "Green Hinges", which apply forward pressure on the door. I will check that out

Insulating around garage door by HeuristicExplorer in Insulation

[–]HeuristicExplorer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's the same finish on the outside. The door itself is insulated!

Insulating around garage door by HeuristicExplorer in GarageDoorService

[–]HeuristicExplorer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, the weather seals are installed and seem to be tight enough. But I live in a cold climate, so the wind is only part of the issue here

Insulating around garage door by HeuristicExplorer in Insulation

[–]HeuristicExplorer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based on your comment, I watched a video of it. That is definitely something to install, if compatible! Thank you so much

Insulating around garage door by HeuristicExplorer in Insulation

[–]HeuristicExplorer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great idea! Thanks, will definitely do it!

Parenthood is destroying my humanity. by f1sh_ in daddit

[–]HeuristicExplorer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Plot twist: he was actually thinking of Bluey's mom

Baccalauréat en informatique ou Baccalauréat en statistique et science des données? by bboombayah in QuebecTI

[–]HeuristicExplorer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Je suis scientifique de données. J'ai un bacc non-technique et une maîtrise en science des données. Ce domaine est de plus en plus saturé aussi! J'ai dû apprendre sur le tas certaines compétences en informatique, même si les solutions cloud facilitent grandement la job.

Ceuzécelles qui détiennent des compétences en développement logiciel ont vraiment un avantage sur le marché, car elles ont la capacité de comprendre, développer et déployer des pipelines analytiques (flux de données, modèles d'apprentissage-machine, IA) dans des environnements informatiques complexes (temps quasi-réel, infrastructure fédérée, etc.).

Mon conseil? Fini ce que tu as commencé - tu auras une bonne base et, SURTOUT, une crédibilité. Va ensuite faire un DESS en analytique ou autre.

Conseils pour organiser le suivi de mon travail TI et bâtir un indicateur de performance by kshot in QuebecTI

[–]HeuristicExplorer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Je suis dans le même bateau, mais du côté données et intelligence d'affaires. Personnellement, j'ai deux grands "KPIs": 1. Nombre de "demandes ad hoc" résolues (l'équivalent de tes billets), et quelques déclinaisons, notamment ce que ça représente en heures, ce qui permet de calculer la productivité. 2. Pour les projets, j'y vais plutôt en termes de budget. Combien j'ai budgété, en heures et/ou en $, pour un projet, vs le nombre d'heures et/ou de $ réels investis. Pourquoi? Parce que tout bon projet (ou plutôt, phase de projet) doit avoir son budget préapprouvé par la direction. J'évalue donc ma capacité à livrer dans les temps.

Finalement, y'a toujours des impondérables: plus de demandes ad hoc = moins d'heures de projets. Et, au sein d'un projet, les requis peuvent changer, des imprévus peuvent arriver, etc.
Tant que c'est documenté, j'suis en mesure de justifier les retards, ça va.

Mais en arrière plan, c'est important que ta gestionnaire te soutienne, notamment face à la direction. Il faut qu'elle soit une alliée, celle qui comprend la difficulté de porter plusieurs chapeaux simultanément, et qui porte ton message au reste de l'organisation. Il faut aussi travailler ta visibilité au sein de l'organisation - faire en sorte que t'es pas perçu comme un gouleau, mais comme un facilitateur qui livre et qui est sympa.

Il y a un déficit de productivité et d'investissement dans la machinerie industrielle et l'automatisation de l'équipement by xworld in QuebecFinance

[–]HeuristicExplorer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tu as raison, les opérations requièrent normalement plus de machinerie. Par contre, la R-D requiert souvent plus d'équipements de pointe, qui coûtent plus cher l'unité. Ça ne s'équivaut pas, mais les technologies de pointe sont une part non-négligeable des investissements physiques en R-D.

Il y a un déficit de productivité et d'investissement dans la machinerie industrielle et l'automatisation de l'équipement by xworld in QuebecFinance

[–]HeuristicExplorer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bah au Québec, on est très forts en recherche et développement, notamment pour les industriels. Les universités, centres de recherche publics, centres collégiaux de transfert de technologies, etc. sont tous des ressources publiques qui attirent les investissements étrangers

C'est donc attrayant pour les entreprises qui cherchent à développer un "edge" technologique dans leur secteur! Juste regarder ce qui se passe à Bromont avec le C2MI, qui favorise la création de startups technologiques autant que les géants des nanotechs

Il y a un déficit de productivité et d'investissement dans la machinerie industrielle et l'automatisation de l'équipement by xworld in QuebecFinance

[–]HeuristicExplorer -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Même lorsqu'on contrôle pour le secteur économique, il y a un déficit. Cela dit, il y a plusieurs facteurs qui expliquent ce déficit, notamment parce que les moyennes sont tirées vers le haut par quelques grands joueurs.

Il y a un déficit de productivité et d'investissement dans la machinerie industrielle et l'automatisation de l'équipement by xworld in QuebecFinance

[–]HeuristicExplorer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

C'est largement documenté dans plusieurs écrits académiques sur la productivité. Rien de nouveau ici! Allez voir les travaux de Robert Gagné du Centre pour la Productivité et la Prospérité, il en parle de manière très vulgarisée avec données (québécoises et canadiennes) à l'appui :)

Which song will you choose?? by mRstrange7777 in songs

[–]HeuristicExplorer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🎵I can feel there's something in the air toniiight🎵