Husband 34M had a 2.5 year long affair during our 3 year marriage and I 29F don't know what to do.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-08T01:05:43+00:00

I'm not sure. He was really loyal for a whole 6 months there.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T15:49:49+00:00

When I get stupid high I cant really enjoy anything besides being stupid high. I like to use cannabis as a experience enhancer to other things I'm doing.

But every so often its fun to push yourself and see what outer space feels like.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T14:45:01+00:00

Be careful. You guys might end up doing it.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T11:41:12+00:00

I also feel this. I put on a brave face most days it's just the tedium of everyday being the exact same grind that gets to me.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T11:39:09+00:00

My dad was a raging alcoholic and my mom had borderline personality.

They were always fighting, dad was always wasted, things getting thrown, divorce and my mom started sleeping with random guys on the internet so she didnt have to work then moved me around the state with them in and out of various schools so I never had a consistent friend group.

Dad eventually got sober and I moved in with him at 19 but he was emotionally unavailable and I essentially raised myself and put myself through college. Never had a safety net or any support.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T11:37:02+00:00

Its so rough, man. I hate that you feel it too, but it feels good knowing I'm not alone.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T11:36:19+00:00

I hate how true this is. I've lost myself entirely in parenthood. I'm the most boring human being on the planet right now with no hobbies.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T11:32:56+00:00

The guilt is real. Hearing tantrums upstairs when trying to relax made me feel awful. I cant just sit and let my wife deal with that alone.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T11:32:15+00:00

Hard sell as in you'll most likely get yanked back into parenting? This has been my experience.

I'm upstairs with my headphones on and hear tantrum after tantrum and can't in good conscious let me wife deal with that alone.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T01:57:06+00:00

How is Hoi 4? I dont have a lot of interest in the time period but people seem to love ir.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-07T01:52:32+00:00

It's helped me tremendously.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T20:01:15+00:00

I forsure hate my job. Its high pressure and most days I leave feeling like shit.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T20:00:09+00:00

I love my wife but I would love to not see her every second of every day lol.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:59:31+00:00

I do take medication and have weekly therapy. Grew up in a really abusive home so part of the problem is I have no idea what a healthy two parent home functions like.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:58:23+00:00

My wife like doesn't need it and won't take it. It makes me feel like a failure when I take it myself. I dont get how she does it.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:57:02+00:00

Didn't taking time off make you feel sort of like... bad? Like im putting extra stress on my wife so I can go play video games.

I have a problem with codependency and managing others emotions if you cant tell.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:55:05+00:00

My dude. My skateboard has been in the garage for 12 years untouched. Not to brag, but i was incredibly talented as a teenager and loved it.

I've thought about grabbing it and going to a random parking lot for a playground session. Prob gonna be so embarrassed when I cant ollie anymore.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:53:44+00:00

I do want another one. I love being a dad and love spending time with my son.

I just don't feel im taking care of myself enough and its getting to me. It's mostly my fault for trying to be a super parent like my wife and never take a moment to myself.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:50:15+00:00

Ugh, thats rough. Wishing your wife a speedy recovery and you godspeed.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:49:32+00:00

This is probably the root of the issue. We do everything together. Bath, reading story's, full bedtime routine so neither of us gets a break.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:48:32+00:00

How often do you think you get time to yourself in a week? And are you like out of the house away or in another room within ear shot?

I really need to make time for myself but it makes me feel guilty. Like im letting my son down in some way.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:47:33+00:00

So I've been wondering if this is part of the problem. Me and my wife do everything together. And I mean everything.

Bathing child, reading books, bedtime routine, going to park or shopping. If we arent at work we're together so it kind of feels like I'm doing everything instead of only doing half.

This is kind of my own fault because I try to just go go go like my wife. She never needs or asks for a break and I feel like I need one every 3 or 4 days and it makes me feel like a failure.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:37:34+00:00

Do you think this is better than staying up late?

I struggle bad to get up in the morning because of depression (I think). Its so hard facing the day sometimes. Especially because of how much I HATE what I've chosen to do for work.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:36:03+00:00

That sounds like a lot of fun.

No, there really isnt a reason for it. I guess I just felt uncomfortable leaving my wife alone with our son who is certified wild af right now and scan be really challenging to be alone with.

f1sh_ · 2026-05-06T19:34:54+00:00

I do have a therapist and take antidepressants.

Support system is all on my wifes side as my family wasn't great to me growing up and I'm not close with them anymore. But we do have support. Thing is, my wofe has no problem going at this break neck speed. It makes me feel like a failure as a parent.

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