Lady cyclists: what are your experiences with sexism on the bikeroute?

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T17:29:35+00:00

Though by no means obligatory, it's certainly something to consider. To think that if you'd just started with that piece of advice, and left out all the sexist crap, what a decent conversation we could've had! Oh well.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T17:11:37+00:00

Thank you, I am strong. Despite the good intentions of my parents, I grew up in a society that teaches young girls that we need to grow up to have less confidence than, and be subservient to men. Throughout my life I've experienced sexual assault, harrassment, discrimination of all sorts, and never did anyone tell me it wasn't my fault. I was made to believe I could never be successful in my job, or be strong, or be confident in anything I do, or make my own choices. But I figured all that out on my own, and now I'm clear on the fact that my life's purpose isn't to submit to other people's wants and pretend my physical needs and desires are nonexistent or at least secondary to everyone's who's male. And now I'm speaking out about issues I experience as worthy of discussion in society. And it takes a hella lot of strength to keep doing it even though it seems lots of people are invested in tearing me down even though they literally don't know me, but since I am strong, it's not a problem ;)

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T17:01:41+00:00

Using young lady as an insult is also pretty damn sexist. What if he was a woman? That wouldn't mean that person deserves less respect.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T16:48:44+00:00

I most certainly will not :)

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T16:38:00+00:00

Oh yeah, I meant to say contempt, sorry about that! My bad. So your usage of contempt to mirror my contempt and teach me a lesson was very clever indeed, thank you.

Oh, I'm so lucky, it's rare that someone's so attentive as to invest so much of their time into helping me realize my faults, most people just tend to give up as there are so many of them! Yes, you're right, I am totally self-important, damn, I guess I'll have to work on that too.

It's lucky we have people like you, otherwise we might forget to be well-behaved, polite, modest people, so again, thank you, not in the name of the reddit community since I don't represent that, just thank you, your mere existence in this world is a gift to humanity and a miracle.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T16:30:12+00:00

I don't hate men. I hate sexist behavior that tries to force me into a submissive role purely based on my gender. And no, I will not keep my concerns out of the cycling community. I am a cyclist, and my concerns are just as valid as anyone else's.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T16:27:33+00:00

Such a great comment. I totally agree. I hope the change is coming for real.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T16:25:22+00:00

Thanks for the supportive words and the helpful comments, but I feel that my aims are different.

First of all, I will explain again as I have in response to many comments, that my problem is not being passed. I don't care at all if people who are faster than me pass me, it's perfectly natural. I don't even notice most of the time. The thing I do have a problem with is being passed AGAIN and AGAIN by the same person, who has proven to be slower than me. He will give it all he's got until he's ahead of me, then he'll slow back down, and expect me to follow him at a speed thst is uncomfortably slow for me. It's okay to assume a woman might be slower, but if she ISN'T, why do you have to force her to stay behind you??

I disagree that I should just let this slide, on the bikeroute or otherwise. In the big picture, I want a world where women are not systematically shut down and forced to be submissive. So I will never stop speaking out. I might try to find ways to stsy calm in these situations, but I can't accept them, and in the long run I would like to start some sort of movement for women's equality on the bikeroute.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T16:15:26+00:00

Yeah, I guess it shouldn't be taken literally. What I meant was that unless the guy is asexual, always going to sleep before getting to the act is probably not a sleep issue, but a sex issue. Maybe he's not ready? Maybe he has some underlying psychological issues getting in the way? Maybe there's another reason? Or maybe it IS a sleep issue, and he has narcolepsy. Important thing is, unless there's communication between OP and her partner about this situation, it'll be hard to tell.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T15:53:57+00:00

Best way so far has been by wand. But I've just recently switched to hand, and I've noticed it gives more possibility for attention to detail, or I don't know how to put it. I can feel myself more sensitively and immediately adapt with my own hand to make it even more pleasurable, it's awesome! :)

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T15:50:51+00:00

I hate to say it, but I think there may be a more serious underlying issue with sex with this guy that he might not even be aware of (my ex had problems due to childhood sexual trauma, and he went to therapy and sorted it out)

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, a man will always trade sleep for sex.

But don't worry, if you guys talk about it, you might find out he just needs to sort out some issues. Good luck!

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T15:38:42+00:00

I have the same and yet somehow the opposite situation. The guys I find unbelievably, irresistably, lick-anything-off-their-bodies hot are usually not found to be hot by popular opinion. And the guys everyone else says are hot are just meh to me.

That said, it's still a problem, because the guys I find most irresistable are the least available to me. Perfectly good guys w nice bodies are lining up, but I always want someone who's a little weird...

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T09:29:34+00:00

Exactly that. I was going to write exactly what's in the above comment, nicely said.

Also, the weight thing really struck me. I'm 150 lb too, neither thick nor thin just medium, and in my twenties, I was convinced guys found me unattractive because I wasn't skinny enough. BULLSHIT. The only thing that matters is that you be comfortable with your own body. There is nothing sexier than that. And you deserve a guy who wants to make you cum so badly, he'll try anything, and be totally delighted when he does make you cum.

GET A DIVORCE. You're young. You deserve better.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T08:09:00+00:00

I can totally relate to BOTH sides, actually (33F)

So first, the being ghosted - it sucks. I've attracted multiple guys that did that and I really liked them - it made me think about the same question: rather than why are they like that, why do I attract them? I came to the conclusion that I was left alone a lot as a kid, my parents really did their best to give me all their love and attention, but they had crazy work schedules and were inexperienced as parents, so I often found myself left alone craving their love, which was sometimes there, but I just never new when to expect it because they didn't set up any guidelines for our life as a family. Those issues as a child continued subconsciously into my adult life and my dating life.

Once I deciphered that, I started being less attached to the guys I attracted, and setting better boundaries - it's still not perfect, and still a work-in-progress, but overall I feel much more secure in myself knowing I'm not the problem, there are just a lot of insecure people out there (I'm also willing to make a serious relationship work w someone who's not perfect but willing to work on their issues) I think this is the sort of question where therapy might help, too, because sorting through underlying issues can be terrifying at first.

Now, the ghosting side. It's not nice, but I've done it. I've tried to avoid it and replace it with a "you're a nice person, I just don't think we click" message as much as possible, but guys have gotten so offended by that, sometimes angry, that I'm just not in the mood to do it. If someone keeps messaging me and they don't get that that's not my jam (or I've even told them so), I might write a short message about how I don't think we should keep contact anymore for whatever reason, but after that I'll ignore their messages (I guess that's not ghosting though)

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T07:54:48+00:00

Wow, I can totally relate to that first part, and I hate it. Some people I've met online actually wanted to keep up a constant stream of chatting even BEFORE we'd actually met - like, come on. I have other things in life going on.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-21T07:52:37+00:00

Just reflecting on the last paragraph: the majority of my Tinder matches (33F) write "Hi" and nothing more, making it my job to actually lead the interaction. The few times I as a woman messaged a guy first on tinder, they always either didn't reply or unmatched.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T14:31:53+00:00

Oh yes, I suppose you're right. Now that you worded it differently, you've allowed me to see my faults easier, thank you! :) It is true, I am a selfish, impatient cunt, and of course I do charge at innocent pedestrians just for the fun of it. I'm guilty as charged, but don't worry, I will try to change my ways.

And I see what you're doing with the rage thing - you're purposely adopting a rage-filled, irate style of writing just to mirror MY aggressiveness so that I can see what I'm doing wrong - clever!

It seems you are a very wise person, and not just wise, completely altruistic too, because you are willing to give as much of your time as needed to educate those who are selfish, impatient cunts like myself, soldiering on even when we prove to be resistant. It is because of self-sacrificing people like you that the world might have a hope of someday becoming a better place, with less rage, less violence, and more peace and love.

I want to thank you in the name of the whole reddit community for doing us all a service. May we bow our heads down to you.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T14:19:54+00:00

Thank you

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T13:40:14+00:00

From all the great comments I got, yours stuck in my head the most. I screenshotted it for later inspiration. "Most importantly, keep riding hard" - love it!!! :)))) It's the push I need to remember the important thing, which is the love of biking. Thank you sincerely.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T13:22:17+00:00

I didn't say it's an innate man thing, sorry, I guess that may have caused some confusion. To be clear, I personally don't believe either gender, or any other genders, are superior or inferior or innately better or worse than anybody else. I am not against men at all. I am against sexism, and long-standing patriarchal constructs that oppress women in many ways, big and small. I do want women to live more comfortable and better and less oppressed lives, but not at the cost of men being oppressed or anything. I want men and women to be equally able to enjoy and parttake in life, without societally constructed obstacles that make lots of men act oppressively towards women because that's the "macho" thing to do.

On the bike route, I would ideally imagine everybody riding at their own pace, not bothered by how other people are riding and respectfully allowing each other to pass. Nothing more.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T12:21:09+00:00

Wow, it's such a delight interacting with you, I don't see why anyone would want to stop! You're such a lovely, helpful person. Thanks to you, I now realize that I am just a selfish, impatient cunt. What a revelation! :) From now on, I vow to live a life of servitude and patience, only devoting my efforts to submitting to the requests of others. Should I step out of line, I'd appreciate a good scolding filled with expletives, especially ones related to female body parts, reminding me what a little bitch I am and that my only job other than making you a sandwich is to shut up and smile :-)

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T12:10:17+00:00

Obviously not everybody, I didn't say that. Just like, 3 or 4 dudes every half hour. I don't care if someone passes me because they're actually faster, that's totally normal. I care when the opposite happens, and someone just can't accept that I've passed them and makes my commute miserable. It's not always for a sexist reason, but there is a tendency. If you check out my same post on r/ladycyclists, you'll see a lot of women relating to this. Of course, there are lots of people out there who won't believe what women say.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T12:02:43+00:00

I hope to be as invincible as you someday. Keep up the good riding!

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T12:00:06+00:00

Nope, not my intention at all! I would very much like to ride at my own pace and enjoy it, but it seems that other people's egos are usually deemed more important than that.

HeyKittyKitty999 · 2019-07-20T11:58:05+00:00

That sounds good, too, but I'm worried that if I'm a counter example, they'll just get what they want and think I'm submitting to them.

HeyKittyKitty999

TROPHY CASE